I am ashamed of my cpap?

and actually you don't need to tell anyone unless it really gets serious. The other side is that as you get to feeling better you will also become more attractive (feeling better and having more energy). I'm 72 and am not crazy about mine either, but I do want a decent life for whatever I have left. I decorated the inside doors of my house today with words and phrases -- am going to do the same thing with my Total Face Mask and if I can find a FFM that works for me, I'll put my pro football teams decal on it. Why be plain? LOL

BlackSpinner wrote:

am7357 wrote:I am new to CPAP as well and wonder: what if we DON'T have a partner now? How will we ever find one?? After all, it is much easier for a spouse or someone you has been with for a long time to accept this stuff, rather than for someone you just met and to whom you have to tell them that you will be using a CPAP every night.

It helps weed out the jerks. Do you really want someone in your life who thinks his "ickies" are more important then your health? Do you think someone like that will support your through a challenging pregnancy? or other life challenges?

am7357 wrote:I am new to CPAP as well and wonder: what if we DON'T have a partner now? How will we ever find one?? After all, it is much easier for a spouse or someone you has been with for a long time to accept this stuff, rather than for someone you just met and to whom you have to tell them that you will be using a CPAP every night.

the best thing to do is turn it into some kind of spy game like mission impossible, of pretend your both underwater, or in outer space,
the ideas and fantasies ciuld be endless.

ive just told the wife im climbing mount everest and to be waiting at the bottom for me.

good luck to all us newbies

am7357 wrote:I am new to CPAP as well and wonder: what if we DON'T have a partner now? How will we ever find one?? After all, it is much easier for a spouse or someone you has been with for a long time to accept this stuff, rather than for someone you just met and to whom you have to tell them that you will be using a CPAP every night.

CPAP is not a death sentence for love and romance. I can think of a lot of problems that are much worse and have a definite impact on your relationships (blindness, deafness, prosthetic limbs, insulin-dependent diabetes, head-injury/stroke memory loss, ugly physical deformities). OSA treated with CPAP has negligible impact IMHO. Just go with the flow. You'll find out that CPAP is not like HIV or leprosy.

If you can, make some hose covers in bright colors or a color that coordinates with your room decor. Also, the hose cover (in a fleece fabric) will feel good against your skin, summer or winter. Personalize your equipment in a way that makes you feel good about it. How about some paint pens on the outside of the machine? Someone here suggested decals. Great idea!

I love how this topic is bringing some younger folk out of lurkdom!

If there is one thing I've learned in my time on the planet so far, it's this: sex appeal is about attitude. Seriously. Hotness is about being comfortable with yourself and your sexuality. So step one is to stop feeling ashamed of your XPAP! It's nothing to be ashamed of!

If someone EARNS the privilege of seeing your bedroom by being sufficiently wonderful, and then further, EARNS the pleasure of your company overnight, then an XPAP will be the last thing they care about. Because you are awesome, and they are getting to spend time with you. That's what counts. And hey, maybe they'll learn something about the cool technology you use to improve your sleep. And if they don't feel this way, no great loss.

[This next part is where I feel slightly strange talking about these things on the internet, but we're adults here, right?]

The other point I want to make is that sex involves human bodies. It's sometimes messy, hilarious, and awkward. And on a good day, it's all three. A good lover (either you or the person you're with) doesn't get uptight about these things. S/he celebrates them. If someone is going to get uptight about you sleeping with a mask, how are they going to act when one of you falls off the bed during sex and lands on the floor with a startled thud? When one of you accidentally bumps your nose into the other's eye? When you realize you need to stop the action for a sec to get up and pee? [Let's not discuss where these examples come from, 'kay? ] A good lover laughs with you, makes sure everyone is okay, and keeps going. Holding onto that attitude makes the experience a million times better for both of you.

Having bodies means everything doesn't go as planned sometimes. A person worthy of getting naked with is a person who embraces this. My partner and I have had sex while wearing our masks (just him wearing it, just me wearing it, both of us wearing them...), just for fun, because we're goofballs. Suffice it to say: good stuff there.

So don't worry. Date cool people. Get naked with the ones worth getting naked with. If you look at your XPAP as just another quirk of being human, so will they.

Edited to add: It cracked me up to reread this thread and see people offering reassurance that the mask is only for sleeping and it doesn't have to impact sexytimes! And then there's me, saying: of course, it doesn't HAVE to be kept just for sleeping... Moral of the story: everyone finds their own ways to normalize being on XPAP such that it doesn't crimp their romantic style. I promise, 100%, that you will find the way that works for you.

First post here also. I've had OSA since I was 10-12, but initial diagnosis was inconclusive with my sleep study (I'm 27 now) and I was finally officially diagnosed last August 2011 (took long enough! Dr. even said "Well, you probably didn't need the test to tell you have sleep apnea"). I have the small jaw, and had braces for 5 years that set my teeth back and now naturally have an underbite when my mouth is relaxed.

I'm looking into orthognathic jaw surgery in the future because I too, do not want to settle to use a CPAP for the rest of my life and it is a little embarrassing having to explain to my friends what it is. But then again, they're the same girls who have slept through with my snoring at Girl Guide camps so they understood.

My boyfriend of 8 years and I have lived together for 3 years, and he has put up with my snoring and we slept in different rooms for the longest time. If your loved one can put up with you snoring for that long, they'll be happier than ever to NOT hear you snore and deal with some sexy tubes running from your face. Again, you wouldn't put it on in the heat of the moment (unless that's your thing...). My boyfriend even tried it on just to see how it felt.

It really does just become part of your normal routine. I feel that I'm comfortable enough now to use mine and that the benefits for me outweigh any insecurities I have with it. It beats the headaches, dry mouth (that one was really bad for me) drowsiness and overall crankiness because I never felt rested. I remember waking up the first night with my trial machine and my boyfriend asked me how I felt. He was waiting for me to scold him because I'm REALLLLY cranky in the morning. And I said "Holy sh*t, this is how normal people feel?! I HAVE BEEN MISSING OUT!!"

the_nap_ster wrote:My partner and I have had sex while wearing our masks (just him wearing it, just me wearing it, both of us wearing them...)

I'd love to see the compliance data for that session. I think most partners would be happy to have you wearing your mask after sex. If I go to sleep without putting it on, I usually get an elbow in the ribs to remind me, the roof shaking snoring is not conducive to good sleep apparently.

Before reading your post I was pretty sure you are young. As people get older, they don't care as much about what other people think about things like this. It isn't important. But, that doesn't matter to you. I would have felt the same at your age.

As others have said, using a CPAP is much easier on your partner than snoring. My wife likes my CPAP a lot more than my snoring.

You could be open about this and not try to hide it. If you try to hide it, some people will think there is something wrong with it and there isn't. Put a positive and completely truthful spin on it. The reason you are doing this is that you care about yourself and want to be as healthy and productive as you can be. Many people would not use a CPAP in the first place. Either they would not know they had apnea or they would know and refuse to use a CPAP. It would be too much of a hassle and/or they would be ashamed. You are above this.

May I ask you this...what would you prefer, to hose up at night or when you get out of bed, have to strap on an artificial leg or arm, or put on a wig.....I could go on. Always remember, there are young people out there who are worse off than me...and maybe in the near future they will find a better way to treat my disease, I'm sure they won't find a way to grow a new leg or arm very soon.

Ladies, come one stop. I really dont' get it your beating yourself up over this just the way you do about makeup or how your clothes are.

My god when I met my wife it wasn't what she was wearing or how her makup was. I hate makeup anyway! It's what's inside you. If a man doesn't look into your eyes and doesn't look at what is inside and your soul then kick his ass out and find one that will.

If your a good person it won't matter to him what your wearing or not wearing or what you wear when your sleeping. Use your imagination and surprise him, wear nothing but your mask and see how much that mask bothers him.

I mean it, you women are so damn hard on yourselves.

Now stop worrying about this and wear the darn thing and feel better. If down the road you meet a guy and he has a problem with your mask, slap hiim in the face and tell him to get out of your life that he is too shallow and not good enough for you.

Now get that mask on and go to sleep!

KrisasMan wrote: Just remember if they care about you they will not mind, great filter for guys who care about you vs guys interested in themselves (that part is from my wife).

THIS IS VERY VERY IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER / BELIEVE. If it's the right guy then it won't be an issue at all.

I'm 46 and just started dating a guy in March. Got my machine in April. I told him about it and he was totally cool with it. He passed a test! LOL

It doesn't matter how old you are. We all get embarrassed and stressed out over what others might think. Try to own it. Try to think of it as your "health machine". You'll live longer, and healthier, and prettier, and smarter because of your CPAP.

(And get a skin! I'll have to lookup the link.)

I think I may have had apnea when I was your age.
With cpap, I could have enjoyed a much healthier life--maybe avoided diabetes and obesity.
Luckily, my children were born healthy, but not every mother is that fortunate.
Cpap should improve your odds of bearing a healthy child.
Oxygen is very important to a fetus.
I welcome my opportunity to expose strangers to CPAP, as you never know who may be dying,
--one strangled breath at a time.

Wow... Awesome thread!

For me one of the "side" benefits that came from CPAP therapy was that my wife quit sleeping on the couch and came back into the bed. It was a great day!

In the overall scheme of things, it's just not a big deal. It's going to be an annoyance or inconvenient at times, but it will not stop you from finding a boyfriend, husband or having sex unless you let it. For me, the worst part is not being able to snuggle through the night with my wife so we snuggle before sleep and in the morning. My suggestions are to accept that CPAP is part of your life, don't ever be embarrassed or ashamed of it, try not to stress over it and continue to engage your support systems like this forum. It's just part of your nighttime ritual like brushing your teeth or washing your face. Good luck and stay positive!

If a guy is worth it, he won't care! My boyfriend found out pretty early in our relationship (although I've known him for about 6 years). I was having issues with the DME and complained about it to him. He asked (he's a recent widower, so he was understandably anxious about my health), so I told him. He had a few questions that were actually pretty funny. He'd participated in a small group Bible study about 10 years ago, and remembered seeing the CPAP that the wife in the house used. By his description, it was large, and so loud that it had to be out in the hallway with long tubes going into the bedroom (not sure if this is accurate for old CPAPs, or if this was some other sort of medical equipment). I did reassure him that today's machines are small and quiet, but he was accepting anyway. He wasn't going to let CPAP get in the way of his pursuit of me!