Avoiding going to bed, panicky and fearful

Welcome to the forum.
You have come to the right place to get help and encouragement. You have received some very good advise from members here and from what you have posted so far, I think you are going to be one of the ones that make it to having good therapy, thus good sleep. Keep up the good work and things will turn around in no time........remember persistance and patience are the keys to this game.
Cheers from Alberta
Nan

cpax wrote:I know this is the best way but I need to
overcome this fear and panic obstacle.

cpax, out on my ride, I could not get you out of my mind.

Your story is my story.
I found cpaptalk standing in the same fear you are.
The most important thing I found here was knowing I was not alone.

You have to know that you will be successful because
I stand beside you now. I have stood in that fear,
and defeated it. You will, too.

I dreaded going to bed. Another night of sweats and trips to the bathroom
and waking w/those headaches and the pain of struggling through another day.

Now, I can't wait for bed time. The joy of knowing I will drift into the abyss
in the safety of my mask. Reveling in the dreams that come so easy now.
Waking refreshed and alive.
Ready to receive the blessing of my life and the strength to
face the challenges of a new day.

Beyond the fear there is a new life for you.
Cpap is going to bring joy and happiness and success to your life,
far beyond anything you can imagine today.

All you have to do is persevere and believe.

Welcome to the forum.

You've received some excellent advice on dealing with the anxiety and fear issues concerning the mask. And also some good advice about establishing the good habit of never allowing yourself to consciously go to sleep without the mask on. And one way to do this is to focus your attention on doing the therapy one night at a time. There's no point in worrying about tomorrow night and the night after tomorrow night and all those nights in the future for the rest of your life. And it's overwhelming to focus in on the I need this forever aspect of treatment right at the start. Tell yourself you only need to face your demons concerning wearing the mask just for tonight. But tell yourself this each and every night during your adjustment period. The goal of adjustment is to make slapping on the mask a habit---just like brushing your teeth.

I'll add my two cents about the avoiding going to bed: In my case, it wasn't so much fear or anxiety as much as going to bed with the mask on triggered some severe insomnia---due to the sensory overload of the mask, the air being forced down my throat, the sounds, the airflow out of the vent, and a host of other things. And since I couldn't get to sleep "fast" enough to ignore all these things, the sensory stuff would wake me up and I'd have a very tough time getting to sleep. Sleep dreads described my feelings towards my CPAP for several months after I started therapy. And until I did some very hard work on bringing my insomnia monster under control, xPAP remained a huge problem. But i put that mask on my face every single night anyway. Now, almost a year has past since I first started xPAP therapy. I'm almost sleeping "normally" again in terms of going to bed more or less by 1:30 every night and waking up only 1--3 times during the night and waking up ready to get out of bed by 7:00 or 7:30 every morning.

So if you continue to have problems facing going to bed after you deal with the anxiety and fear, start working on whatever else is triggering any residual insomnia sooner rather than later.

Ive been on therapy over 5 years! I had some rough times at first! Now I think Im addicted to my machine. Once in bed, Im anxious to put my mask on and begin breathing all that oxygen fresh air. If fills my lungs and calms me. I listen to the machine as I inhale and exhale! The machine relaxes me, takes my mind away from the day ! It maybe becomes a bit hypnotic. I hope, you can be reminded of the blessings you now have and reach a place like this! Dan

Well the first night after I posted this, I was able to settle well but wasn't able to get sustained long periods of deep sleep so I woke feeling a little cotton headed. I remembered a saying that I read somewhere on this board which says something like 'a bad night's sleep on CPAP is better than a good night without it'. I told my wife I was tired but then I laughed and said 'but it's a better quality of tired'. I was still better through the day. Then I noticed that as the day progressed I began to feel panicky again. I was panicking about panicking. Then I came back here and read even more responses that had been left to my original post and once-again, they inspired me. It's nice to know I'm not an oddball and that others have been there before and triumphed over their circumstances.

Last night, I settled, no problem. It's really weird, once I actually put the mask on, there's no more panic. The reality is way-less scary than the fear. I tired various sleeping positions and finally dropped off into good sleep.

I awoke in the middle of the night and had another panic attack but the advice given here about 'don't take off the mask' stuck in my head. So I tried the various suggestions about counting back and thinking about how better I was going to feel. I again was able to get back to good solid sleep. The thing is I can already see after just 4 nights, that each one gets better and the day after is better. I can see actual progress, so I am encouraged. This will be my first regular work day since CPAP so it will interesting to see how it goes.

I can't thank all the folks who took the time to reply enough. Your suggestions and words of encouragement all were a huge help. I will keep at this with the promise of better, more rested days ahead.

Thanks all!
Chris

cpax wrote:
Last night, I settled, no problem. It's really weird, once I actually put the mask on, there's no more panic. The reality is way-less scary than the fear. I tired various sleeping positions and finally dropped off into good sleep.

Chris

In one of my acupressure classes the teacher had a saying F.E.A.R. is short for False Evidence Appearing Real. (note this does not apply to facing a Grizzly on a hiking path)

The interesting thing is that happiness is the same kind of thing - we are happier when we are anticipating a treat then when we actual get it.

cpax, I am so glad things are improving! It will only get better!

Well folks, shall we tell him the really scary stuff that will happen in another week or two or let him discover it on his own?

Just kidding. Glad to hear you got past the panic. Expect a few problems to crop up from time to time, but you can usually handle them. You've gotten over the hard part.

Feeling tired is one of those funny things. It seems that feeling tired is often a sign of CPAP working. It's like once you start getting quality sleep instead of being half strangled all night long, your body wants sleep even more for a while.

I love your comment about "better quality of tired."

After six nights I'm really struggling with this. Mostly in the daytime. I spend most of the day stressed and panciky over the coming evening. It makes it hard to settle when I do get to bed. Also, since I'm worked up, I sweat with he mask on which adds to the discomfort. It seems that as I'm trying to settle I'm experiencing CSA, I just stop breathing, just as I'm drifting off. This causes me to wake up again. I do finally fall asleep but then wake up 2 or 3 hours later, feeling constricted with the nose mask and I have to discipline myself to settle again. I am keeping the mask on though.

I am experimenting with sleep positions. When I lay on my side I experience more CSA and on my back OSA. I'm going through more water on my back so I must be opening my mouth more and this makes the mask all drippy on the inside. When I do sleep it seems good but because it's broken an not long enough I'm still a bit tired next day. Not as bad as before but not where I'd like to be. I feel a bit trapped. I know I go back can't as the apnea was but I going forward seems scary and stressful.

*sigh* I think I will try sitting up with the machine while watching TV, haven't tried that yet. Also, I'm going to try chamomile tea to calm myself and maybe dial back the humidity a bit as well.

Please tell me this is all worth while.

>>>>>stressed<<<<<<<

cpax wrote: Please tell me this is all worth while.
>>>>>stressed<<<<<<<

viewtopic.php?f=1&t=43582&p=386704

cpax wrote:Great suggestions all! Thank-you so much. Mostly it's really nice to know I'm not alone in this. This community is great!

You are SOOOO in good company! I had a ton of anxiety at the beginning, too. I don't have a lot of advice since I'm such a noob, only want to say that it really does get better with persistence.

carbonman that was so powerful. I'm going to keep re-reading that before bed.

You mean to tell me, the pain in my thigh muscles, the reason I avoid stairs and riding my bike, are a *symptom*?? I avoid exercise for that very reason.

Holy crap! I just left my cubicle and went and up the stairs. No grinding pain in my leg muscles and while I was a bit winded, I'm usually gasping and my heart is pounding. This is because of the therapy?!?!? Ohh I am so going to work at this!

cpax wrote:. It seems that as I'm trying to settle I'm experiencing CSA, I just stop breathing, just as I'm drifting off. This causes me to wake up again. I do finally fall asleep but then wake up 2 or 3 hours later, feeling constricted with the nose mask and I have to discipline myself to settle again. I am keeping the mask on though.

Everyone experiences this as they are falling asleep. Most people don't notice it but we are now tuned into everything to do with sleep so we are aware of it. I thought I was experiencing panic attacks and I would get up and eat to feel secure. Now I just say "Oh a sleep onset CSA, nothing to worry about, normallll" of course I have spent several years training my self to need food after one so it is a bit of an uphill battle.

You will stop waking up when the "Stand on Guard" part of your mind believes it is really safe to sleep deeply for long periods of time. It has spent years trying to keep you alive and is not about to retire just because you are wearing a funny thing on your nose that YOU feel anxious about. Salute it and say thank you.

BlackSpinner wrote:

cpax wrote:. It seems that as I'm trying to settle I'm experiencing CSA, I just stop breathing, just as I'm drifting off. This causes me to wake up again. I do finally fall asleep but then wake up 2 or 3 hours later, feeling constricted with the nose mask and I have to discipline myself to settle again. I am keeping the mask on though.

Everyone experiences this as they are falling asleep. Most people don't notice it but we are now tuned into everything to do with sleep so we are aware of it. I thought I was experiencing panic attacks and I would get up and eat to feel secure. Now I just say "Oh a sleep onset CSA, nothing to worry about, normallll" of course I have spent several years training my self to need food after one so it is a bit of an uphill battle.

You will stop waking up when the "Stand on Guard" part of your mind believes it is really safe to sleep deeply for long periods of time. It has spent years trying to keep you alive and is not about to retire just because you are wearing a funny thing on your nose that YOU feel anxious about. Salute it and say thank you.

THAT is normal? What a relief! I had no idea. That usually makes me anxious as I am falling asleep, but I didn't realize that happened to everyone.