Hey Lars4life, it's me, Mac4choice: DON'T READ THIS!!!

".........this is a cpap forum, skip the comedy..........."
lars4life

I can only come up with a vague casual connection to CPAP for this post:

Had a get-together with friends & family, Wifey likes the Cpap thing because of the elimnation of snoring so she tells EVERYONE about the Facehugger. My brother jumps the discussion claiming I have had oversleeping issues forever and insists on me telling one particular story he thinks is hillarious (probably better hearing in person than reading, but I'll give it a shot):

In my early 20’s, I lived for a couple of years in a condominium owned by my brother – he got sent on a long term assignment in Europe. All I had to pay was utilities and keep an eye on the place, good deal for a starving student working on the 5th year of a 4-year degree.

One of the years I lived there, I was Best Man for the wedding of a buddy of mine, put me in charge of the bachelor party and we did it up right. Comedy club, strip club, lot of booze and rides home for everyone, worked out great until I got dropped off at the condo and realized I didn’t have my key.

Not in any condition to make good decisions, decided to kick down the front door to get in. Unlike what cop shows would have you believe, it wasn’t easy. Broke up the casing and tore most of the hinges off in the process – had to kind of prop the door back up and push a chair up against it so it would stay put.

Next morning took me a while to get oriented and a plan to set things a-right (that particular brother can be one scary dude and 5,000 miles away was not enough to make me feel safe from his wrath leaving this mess for even one day.)

So, get a buddy to come pick me up and find my truck and keys, head to the Home Depot (or whatever it was back then – Pay N Pak?) and pick up a pre-hung exterior door. Got a nice solid oak one – better than what he had, set me back like $350 which was a big chunk of change at the time.

Got back to the condo, tore out the old casing, got everything cleaned up, hung the new door – took a lot of time with the shims to make sure it was perfect. Got the trim back on the outside and then, before putting the interior trim on, used some of that spray-can insulating foam between the casing and the studs to make sure there was a really good seal and then put the trim back on.

By now it was early afternoon and I had an evening date scheduled with a gal that I was on shaky ground with – something about “failing to live up to expectations” - another late arrival was going to get me dismissed.

Anyway, figured I had enough time for a congratulatory beer and brief nap before heading off to meet her.

Wrong – woke up late in a panic, knew it was going to be touch and go – raced around the place, quick shower & shave and out the door……wait, why won’t the door open? Yank, yank, rattle the knob, yank again – nope, door was stuck fast.

That insulating foam had expanded and pressed the casing into the door, jamming it solid – nothing short of a battering ram was going to open that sucker.

Did not have time to deal with it…3rd floor condo, no problem, out on the deck, start climbing down to get out of there (figured I’d just climb up when I got back)

Shinnied down the corner post to the next deck, was looking for my next foot hold to continue the descent and “WHAM” got knocked on the side of the head and fell the rest of the way into some juniper bushes at the base of the building. (about a ten foot fall, few scrapes and bruises, wrecked a good shirt)

Flat on my back, in a daze I see the old woman in 2D looking down at me with watering can in her hand. Turns out she’d been out watering her begonias or whatever and smacked me in the side of the head with her can when I dropped down onto the corner of her deck.

Long story short – cops were, of course, sympathetic to the old bat. Think they told her “serves him right” and were not so interested in my story about the door – as I remember it, they weren’t too impressed with me at all.

Missed my date with the gal and, as suspected, got my walking papers shortly thereafter (pretty sure she thought I made the whole story up).

Took me a long time (after another neighbor let me walk across their deck for access) to dig enough of that foam out of there with a screwdriver to open the door.

True Story

Mac

.

(Guess he read it anyway.)

Sounded on-topic to me.

Cops are paid to be there for, and to take the side of, ladies of a certain age.

Can't believe that gal friend of yours didn't believe you when you told her the full story. Some people!

Bwaaaahahahahaa, Buck up Lars, I thought your "skip the comedy" post was hilarious - I just now get that you were serious.

This is my bad.

Dang, ok - no foil on the board to trade barbs with, we'll make it work with out ya.

Mac

Expanding foam is one of the few things that I have not thought of for sealing my mask to my face. Hmmmmm...

Truth is stranger than fiction.

.

You just can't make this stuff up.

This is awesome.

Larsywarsy, if I knew you were going to post my response to the PM you sent, I would have tried to be much funnier - all I could come up with is to call you Buttercup - lame.

Send me another one and we'll see if we can do better.

Note: Lars says he's going to "file a complaint" (that's why I told him to "file away") - does anyone know where the complaint department is? I have one of my own.

mac

McSnoresalot wrote: does anyone know where the complaint department is?

http://www.apneasupport.org/forum-24.html

jnk wrote:

McSnoresalot wrote: does anyone know where the complaint department is?

http://www.apneasupport.org/forum-24.html

I just snorted peanut butter cookie onto my keyboard once I figured that link out. Thanks for the laugh.

jnk wrote:

McSnoresalot wrote: does anyone know where the complaint department is?

http://www.apneasupport.org/forum-24.html

And I FELL for it, ahahaha!!!!! LOVED the link!!

HAHAHAHA, Loved the story! Thanks for the smile today!

One of my favorite lines "over there" in "that other forum" is in the posting guidelines for that spousal section, under "conduct in the forum and chatroom":

"The forum and the chatroom are run to provide a non-threatening or offensive environment for people needing to discuss their problems."-- http://www.apneasupport.org/about9898.html

I would just like to congratulate them on a job well done!



It takes talent to make "non-threatening" so "offensive."

Very funny, love your tall-tales (I mean, true stories).

Gotta love expanding foam... great story.

jnk, loved the link!

Too bad some people have to take themselves and everthing else so seriously, probably better not to poke them with a stick.

Keep the stories coming.
Dennis