Please help GF almost broke up with me due to CPAP

mars wrote:Hi Larry

My guess is that unless you change your attitude, and put into practice at least some of the suggestions you have had, and start reading the Forum threads, and educating yourself, then less and less members are going to be willing to try and help you.

As kindly as I can put it, you need to do less whining and more self-helpful action.

Good luck

Mars

Hi Mars.and thank you for putting up with my whining.
I think the self-helpful action I need to take is to try to
hook up with a sleep specialist.
On the other hand, if you think that there's some other advice
on the forum that I didn't take, please let me know.
I know that one thing is that haven't tried a full face mask,
although I have been taping my mouth for the last few days.

I could be that I simply need to switch DME, or get a referal to a
sleep specialist. Those are sets of advice which I haven't done yet,
so yes, I shouldn't be complaining until I go that route.

larry -- I'm new too and so sick from it I've been off work which is NOT good. But I did it anyway, and the ONLY way I have been successful is to just DO what these good people say. that means...

1. put on mask that I didn't like (now I do).
2. go to doc like they said.
3. deal with nose stuffy stuff like they said.
4. etc etc etc

It's like this: JUST DO IT! sometimes what you did didn't work or it needs to be tweaked, but JUST DO IT, be willing to Try it, be willing to tweak it...

sounds like SLEEP DOC is really needed....and have you seen regular doc to see if anything else is going on?

Just do what they say and do it NOW -- don't "hopefully" do it, just do it. When you're this tired, it's hard to put out effort instead of whining (I've really put out my share of whining AND grumpiness) BUT just make sure you DO what they say, your life actually depends on it. And you won't feel better.

It's like....you have to get THROUGH the ugly part to get to the BETTER part.

Good luck Larry -- and don't bite any hands that are trying to help you.....these people are FREE advisors, and CARING advisors -- and they will tell it to you straight, they deserve THANKS always and kindness and consideration and they ALSO DESERVE your cooperation...that means do what they say -- call a doc, call one, two , three....as many as it takes to find the doc you need. Consider taking some time off work. also, consider just going for a walk around the block to clear head when you feel tired....or just walk up and down your street once. Sometimes y ou just need to step away a minute from the problem to be able to catch your breath and tackle the problemagain.

Hang in there Larry!

Yes, the answers to Emilia's questions are essential if you're going to get any help here. I understand that you're speaking through sleep deprivation and going through hell right now but it should give you some comfort to know that Slinky, as well as the other posters are here to guide you if you let them. If it seems too overwhelming for you right now, perhaps your SO might be willing to be your partner and read through this forum and share with you some excellent information. Good luck Larry and don't give up.

I have very little tolerance for people who do not accept each other as they are. If your girlfriend wants to break up with you because you sleep with a CPap, then all the better, as I feel you are better off without her.

I would rather be alone than be with someone who can't accept me. I find that I prefer being alone now, than to when I was married to someone who constantly told me how inadequate I was. I would think about this very seriously if I were you, if she is the kind of person who you really want to be with.

Good luck.

It was never a relationship--you deserve (and will find) much better.

My hubby had a very hard time getting going too. I think he thought I hated him and maybe he kinda hated me for a while. I do think you realize now that you aren't thinking straight right now. I bet your girlfriend would be very happy to help you. We can help her help you. Slow down and give everyone a chance. Your willingness to continue is a big step forward.

larry63 wrote:you hear voices in your head like "six seven is the moon" while you're trying to think

The sleep apnea is not your only problem. I would take your machine and mask, etc. and go straight to the nearest emergency room. Tell them that you are hearing voices and it started since you began CPAP. They will take care of you before you leave.

DON'T WAIT; DO IT NOW!

robysue wrote:xsquid wrote:

YOU have to decide if the treatment is better than the problem.

I'd like to politely point out that for some of us---including larry63---at the beginning of CPAP therapy, the treatment is WORSE than the problem in the sense that we were completely asymptomatic during the daytime before starting CPAP and we developed classic daytime apnea symptoms AFTER starting CPAP therapy. If you fall into this category, it is really tough in the early weeks and months to keep reminding yourself that in the (very) long run the therapy will do you good.

...as did I, but *I* had to decide if it was worse than the problem. Nobody else could make that decision for me. Contrary to popular belief there ARE those that quit cpap as they consider it worse. I'm not recommending anyone quit and nobody said it is easy and you have to suck it up, but nobody here can walk in someone else's shoes. Having problems is one thing, bitching about just having to use it shows a lack of commitment. You ***MUST** have commitment to stick with this, nobody on a bulletin board can provide your commitment for you. Help with problems? Yes. Provide encouragement? Certainly. The commitment has to be there first though.

Sorry my post bothered you, that's the way it is.

LMAO Jimbo

larry63 wrote:... I've tried tried taping my mouth shut, with maybe about 5 or 10 lpm lower leakeage rates...

This suggests that you have access to your efficacy data. What are your settings? What is your pressure? What is your AHI? Multiple forum members have requested this information but you have never provided it. Larry, what is going on?

Look at the helpful suggestions in this thread which you started:

viewtopic.php?f=1&t=56451&p=529665#p529473

and in this one, too:

viewtopic.php?f=1&t=56468&p=529686#p529686

and this one also:

viewtopic/t56476/Help--CPAP-is-ruining- ... ml#p529796

Larry:
First thing I am going to tell you is that the 'sleep specialist' has X amount of time for you and then wants you out of his/her office so that then next patient can be seen. That is how they put food on the table and medicine has, for some time, been strictly business.

The only way you are going to beat this is by (a) being a tenacious advocate for yourself with everyone and everything; and (b) get educated as to everything to do with your affliction and move to correct it. You will also need to understand that your body is so messed up right now that changing its course is going to be like changing the course of an aircraft carrier.... in other words, that steering change that you made three weeks ago isn't going to appear until next week if you are lucky. Understand this.

You need to be open to the point of embarrassment, honest to a fault and share all of your data with your friends here on the forum; otherwise you are not going to get much valid input - only a lot of guessing and rants at you. That very same information is what YOU need to examine and evaluate in order to play with pressures, masks, etc., and in order to try and hit your 'sweet spot' or 'magic bullet' and BEGIN to return to some semblance of normality. Your body's natural rhythm will not return overnight. Read an interesting article on the subject that involved shift workers, incarcerated persons and others whose routine has been set askew by their circumstances alone and they also suffer from being tired and lack of good sleep until their body's natural rhythm returns.

You also need to be aware of the fact that many sleep studies done in a sleep clinic or hospital setting need to be taken with a grain of salt as things change from night to night. And other factors can come into play like allergic reaction, mild asthma, weight changes, salt intake, and a zillion other things. YOU need to be aware of all of these things because it is unlikely that your MD's are going to fix them for you.

A good data capable APAP machine that will provide you with useful clinical data is essential as is a recording pulse oximeter that will tell you what your blood oxygen saturation was all night. You may, as in MY case, have an AHI that is virtually 0.00 and still have a sleep disorder. In my case, my lungs are compromised and I am further now being tested for allergens, etc., in order to regulate a small amount of supplemental oxygen I am taking at night when I sleep. And it has made a difference to me... my oxygen saturation no longer plummets in REM sleep and my body no longer pokes me to wake up and breath more deeply to get the SpO2 up above 90%. I am sleeping better but still not solidly most nights. I can feel a difference but it is not 'night and day' as I would have hoped. So I continue to search for the magic bullet to my affliction and I remain pro-active and tenacious as a bulldog.

Share your issues, read and learn about your affliction(s), try different suggestions that you receive and report back. Eventually you will begin to note an improvement. Don't expect it to happen overnight.

And as to your significant other.... I am sorry to even say anything, but I must say that your health is more important than ANY SO and therefore, if there is any aggravation whatsoever about your OSA and CPAP and spending time learning and so on? I have the answer in one word or less. "Next!"

Good luck to you; we are all here to help you but you need to stop complaining and start playing the game.

I am pretty amazed that so many of our folks continue to just respond & respond & respond ad nauseum with incredibly time-consuming & thoughtful suggestions and recommendations and instructions, enabling someone like Larry to rant on & on In multiple threads, without his responding to anything that I can detect in scanning the threads...other than to his own continuing rants. In my most angry, irritable, brain-dead, un-comprehending, self-centered, self-pitying and other-blaming times with OSA....I had to at least address the questions being asked of me in order to accept help.

I admit that I do not have the time, and do not want to spend the time to read all the posts on all the threads Larry has posted and ranted upon.....but I read enough to believe that he has not addressed any questions asked of him regarding his pressure, his settings, etc. which would actually make his posts seem worthy of responding to. So you have to ask whether this is someone needing or even wanting the time you have invested? Or is this someone who just wants air time for ranting about who or what he wants to blame for his problems.

I would say it is a waste of everyone's time to indulge in addressing Larry's narcissistic rants about his girlfriend being by implication, "heartless and not understanding" (my words--not that I believe them at all)...or whatever else hooks you into the conversation. Stop your efforts until you see a response that shows Larry is willing to take responsibility for his treatment, and that he is willing to stop whining about it.

Yes. This is a 2X4. Both to the ranter and to the forum helpers. Just stop and re-group?

plr66 wrote:I am pretty amazed that so many of our folks continue to just respond & respond & respond ad nauseum with incredibly time-consuming & thoughtful suggestions and recommendations and instructions, enabling someone like Larry to rant on & on In multiple threads, without his responding to anything that I can detect in scanning the threads...other than to his own continuing rants. In my most angry, irritable, brain-dead, un-comprehending, self-centered, self-pitying and other-blaming times with OSA....I had to at least address the questions being asked of me in order to accept help.

I admit that I do not have the time, and do not want to spend the time to read all the posts on all the threads Larry has posted and ranted upon.....but I read enough to believe that he has not addressed any questions asked of him regarding his pressure, his settings, etc. which would actually make his posts seem worthy of responding to. So you have to ask whether this is someone needing or even wanting the time you have invested? Or is this someone who just wants air time for ranting about who or what he wants to blame for his problems.

I would say it is a waste of everyone's time to indulge in addressing Larry's narcissistic rants about his girlfriend being by implication, "heartless and not understanding" (my words--not that I believe them at all)...or whatever else hooks you into the conversation. Stop your efforts until you see a response that shows Larry is willing to take responsibility for his treatment, and that he is willing to stop whining about it.

Yes. This is a 2X4. Both to the ranter and to the forum helpers. Just stop and re-group?

Exactly, without commitment from the individual the posts mean.....nothing.

Junebug999 wrote:sounds like SLEEP DOC is really needed....and have you seen regular doc to see if anything else is going on?

Hang in there Larry!

Firstly, sleep doc and GP should be referring you to specialists if they even suspect anything else in play with regards to your affliction. I am going to a local teaching hospital next week for three full pages of tests that may take a couple of days to get done (in addition to all of the other tests I am running around getting done); everything from allergens to pulmonary function tests (stress tests, radioactive dye xrays, upper GI xrays, the whole 9 yards as they say). All ordered up by my NEW pulmonologist. My last one looked at my xrays, sent me for a pulmonary function test (my lungs are compromised due to H1N1/pneumonia last summer.... duh?) and said come back in a year. What's with that? New pulmonologist wants me to continue providing pulse oximetry readings and data from the S9 Auto - although she seemed to concentrate on the amount of oxygen in my blood as a priority immediately and explained exactly what the ramifications of low blood oxygen saturation are. The bottom line is that desaturations in SpO2 kill. In the extreme with our affliction(s) they can make you 800% more likely to die in your sleep at some point in your life and only the Great Architect of the Universe knows when that is going to be. If you have ANY suspicion of anything else in play. ANYTHING. You speak up and if necessary get referals to other specialists to get squared away.

Secondly, hang in there Larry!

And lastly, Larry, if you are taking medications for ANYTHING else, prescription or otherwise, or are using caffeine, tobacco, aspirin, laxative suppositories (they taste awful - don't try them), off-road narcotics, ANYTHING!!!!.... you need to sit at your computer, create a chart and list the drugs and everything that you are putting into your body. As your blood oxygenation improves and levels out your organs will work better and in particular your liver.... the great clearinghouse of the body.... and any drugs that you are taking are going to work differently. Not only that, they are going to INTERACT differently. A regular GP is not equipped to even begin to ponder those interactions and efficacies and a referal to a pharmacologist would be in order if you are taking a bunch. I can tell you that my medications are all wonky since my SpO2 has been brought up to about 95% and remains there all night and that, of itself, affects my sleep pattern as well. But I can see a gradual settling out of my body's circadian rhythm... adjusting my sleep hygiene habits has helped a bunch as well and if I vary my bedtime I am all messed up. OSA/etc. can also have an effect on your body's circadian rhythm and, in fact, there is actually a condition called circadian rhythm disruption XXXX that may come into play with our affliction. Not all MD's are going to know of it, agree with it or tell you about it (remember, you got 20 minutes with the MD mac - see you next year). So, the bottom line is that, Larry, you have a priceless resource on here and need to sit up and pay attention to those that have the T shirt already and are progressing. You need to print off things that you feel are important and that you will forget. You need to learn about what it is that you have and what is working for folks. You are very, very lucky to have this opportunity - only a few short years ago this was not available.

Good luck to you. Any further communications from here will be in direct response to your symptoms and actions as you report them and ask for information.

Hi Everyone

First of all - demonising the girl-friend does not help anybody, especially as nobody on this Forum has walked in her shoes.

Many (including me) have complained about the whining, and hopefully Larry is taking that on board. So how would you like to have all that whining face to face, day after day? And how do you know that the lady in question is not using her own version of "tough love".

So how about concentrating on the two main issues, Larry's OSA problem and Larry's attitude problem.

On a brighter note a post by robysue on classic sleep apnea symptoms got me thinking, and lead me to -

http://books.google.com.au/books?id=z-s ... ms&f=false

I know, pediatric, but some interesting stuff there. Every little helps.

Larry, I suggest you do not start another thread at this time, but now stick with this one. You can always change the heading if you wish.

cheers

Mars

It is not uncommon to have other health issues along with OSA. I know for myself I struggled with severe depression before being diagnosied for about 2 yrs. Granted I had other issues (burnout from work, family). Anyways it also affected my sleep causing restless, insomnia, frequent waking up which only made breathing worse. Antidepressents along with a good therapist helped. Also taking med to sleep helped to get my sleeping back on track. There are many different things to help. Haven't read thru your past threads but it is something to consider if you haven't tried it.
It took me about 3 months using CPAP everynight before I finally slept thru the night. Fatigue at work can be a real challenge. You have a lot a sleep deficit to catch up on. Don't give up yet.