Tolerance

I did send a pm to someone and got an answer back. I have a feeling someone has reached wits end and feels like they have no where to turn. I did get some details and made some suggestions and one of them was to post problems but have heard nothing back. Some of the problems could be caused by hypoxia and or low blood sugar.

Gerry

Gerryk wrote:I did send a pm to someone and got an answer back. I have a feeling someone has reached wits end and feels like they have no where to turn. I did get some details and made some suggestions and one of them was to post problems but have heard nothing back. Some of the problems could be caused by hypoxia and or low blood sugar.

Gerry

This is not tolerance.....it's giving of yourself. To whom much is given, much is expected........but you've gone over and above. As a receiver of your advice frequently, thank you!

Thanks for sharing that past poll/thread, Carbonman. Many of us who are newer here missed those gems!

Gerryk wrote:I did send a pm to someone and got an answer back. I have a feeling someone has reached wits end and feels like they have no where to turn. I did get some details and made some suggestions and one of them was to post problems but have heard nothing back. Some of the problems could be caused by hypoxia and or low blood sugar.

Gerry

Thanks for sharing that, Gerry. I chose not to respond to that thread, although I have been following it. I don't know that I have anything of value to add there, since there hasn't been enough specific information forthcoming to address directly. I really hope that he finds relief because I can tell his emotional pain is very deep. If he can find a way to focus on and address the apnea, so he can get good sleep, some of the other things will be easier to deal with. You just can't think right and deal with stress effectively when your brain's not getting the oxygen it needs.

~ DreamOn

I have been thinking about this all day, and wanted more time than I have tonight to write a thoughtful response.

It's upsetting to me that some of you who I feel have been very supportive seem to have read my original post as critical of your responses. My original post was not intended as a reprimand, and I probably should have labeled the post "awareness" instead of "tolerance". Although my comments may have been triggered by a particular thread, they were and are intended to be taken globally and not as a commentary on any particular person or their posts.

Let me try again to explain what I meant. In the context of a forum, it is easy to conceptualize strangers in very simplistic, unidimensional terms, for example, as someone suffering from sleep disordered breathing who needs information and/or a kick in the pants to get their therapy moving in the right direction. However, many people have other disorders besides a sleep disorder, including psychological ones. There are people on this forum that have: delusional disorders that skew their view of reality, depressive symptoms that affect their perceptions and motivation, and personality disorders that alter their perceptions, emotions, and behaviors. A so-called "pity party" may be manifestation of any of these disorders.

I agree with Secret Agent Girl about the Golden Rule. The Golden Rule should state: Don't do unto others what you wouldn't want done to you; and do unto them what they would have you do (NOT what you would have others do unto you). Given how little we know about each other on here, it's impossible to fulfill the latter part of the Rule, but we can minimally follow the "first do no harm" principle.

If a particular post evokes a lot of negative emotions in you, consider the option of not responding to it at all. If that's too difficult to commit to, consider waiting a day to respond. Then consider waiting another day. With some insight, some of you might conclude that you're the perfect go-to person for information and problem-solving, but not for venting and empathy, and you'll choose to leave that to the others.

A kick in the pants is not the optimal response to a cry for help. If the cry sounds to you more like a "whine", perhaps your challenge is to stretch your listening. Again, if you just can't, and it really irks you, perhaps you should opt out of the dialogue.

In short, all I am trying to say is that there are people with very real disorders on here, apart from their sleep disorder, and these people are vulnerable. Undoubtedly, some of the people who stopped posting to this forum have killed themselves.

Watching the original thread throughout the day has only convinced me further of this vulnerability. It also showed me, yet again, how many unbelievably caring individuals are on this site, giving so generously of their time, knowledge, and compassion.

Disneymama wrote:I'm new here so I don't know if I have a right to say much of anything. I'm at the "lurk and learn" stage, but I'll pipe in if I think I can say something that will benefit anyone.

Doesn't matter if a person is new or not... anyone/everyone is welcome to "pipe in", especially if they are trying to help. I, for one, am glad you are doing that, Disneymama.

Disneymama wrote:I've noticed a lot of "tough love" on this forum and some of the initial responses to posts are what I would deem harsh. The beauty of this forum, as I see it, is that usually, by the 15th post or so, all types of responses have been given and the info/help is there.

I've noticed pretty much an equal mix of tough love/sweet love (for lack of a better phrase.) I think we might notice the "tough love" responses more because...well, because they do come across like a whack with a 2 x 4 as KatieW so aptly described it. They tend to get a reader's attention, for better or worse.

It's odd, but many times I've seen a thread where the replies started out very kindly and supportive. Somewhere down in the thread, there would be a "tough love" post, followed by additional easy-going posts. But the person who started the thread reacts violently to just that one "tough love" post -- feels picked on -- instead of ignoring it and concentrating gratefully on the help so many others in the thread were offering over and over.

I agree with what you said about the beauty of this forum. It's the mix of all kinds of opinions, suggestions, support, and wake up calls. We all keep learning a lot from this forum, and not just about OSA/CPAP. It's also a learning experience to see human nature at work every day, message board style.

SleepingUgly wrote:Undoubtedly, some of the people who stopped posting to this forum have killed themselves.

I think that's quite a stretch to make that assertion/assumption. You have no facts to back up that statement.
BUT......failure to use XPAP therapy can certainly lead to severe depression and at the very least, a degradation in one's health which can and does lead to premature death.

A major part of the initial responses to a person's posts here are determined by THEIR attitude toward this therapy. AND, they are all adults. Two of the words they use that draw the most severe reactions are "HATE" and "CAN'T". If they come to the forum with a sincere desire and request for help, they WILL get it. But, to act like a spoiled, whiney brat will evoke the responses you dislike.


Den

rested gal wrote:It's also a learning experience to see human nature at work every day, message board style.

Yes it is!

If we all thought alike, life would be pretty boring. There's plenty of variety here! Love this place!

SleepingUgly wrote:I have been thinking about this all day, and wanted more time than I have tonight to write a thoughtful response.

However, many people have other disorders besides a sleep disorder, including psychological ones. There are people on this forum that have: delusional disorders that skew their view of reality, depressive symptoms that affect their perceptions and motivation, and personality disorders that alter their perceptions, emotions, and behaviors. A so-called "pity party" may be manifestation of any of these disorders.

A kick in the pants is not the optimal response to a cry for help. If the cry sounds to you more like a "whine", perhaps your challenge is to stretch your listening. Again, if you just can't, and it really irks you, perhaps you should opt out of the dialogue.

In short, all I am trying to say is that there are people with very real disorders on here, apart from their sleep disorder, and these people are vulnerable. Undoubtedly, some of the people who stopped posting to this forum have killed themselves.

There is only the here and now and the only person who can change is one self - and I am not going to tie myself into a knot trying to second guess or read between the lines what the posters mental issues might be. If they need that kind of help they should be looking for that - there are heavily moderate boards where the little lillies can have their egos stroked.

I have worked a crisis line and done my share of suicide calls and you know that nothing you say or do can make a difference so the fact that someone might go out and slash their wrists after reading this forum doesn't phase me - that was their choice and it was set into motion long before they came to this forum.

Sometimes a kick in the pants IS the optimal solution. If it sounds like a whine from a 3 year old then it probably is a whine from someone who wants a quick fix and won't make the slightest effort to make it work. I spent 15 years around the alternative health field, I have seen a lot of whiners who want a quick fix to go back to their dysfunctional life style, I have also seen a lot of very broken people pick them selves up and start all over again and I have held people in the last stages of cancer working courageously to say a dignified goodbye to their children. But I have little feeling for those who will not take the effort to make a simple, safe therapy work because of image or perceived peer pressure.

Wulfman wrote:

SleepingUgly wrote:Undoubtedly, some of the people who stopped posting to this forum have killed themselves.

I think that's quite a stretch to make that assertion/assumption. You have no facts to back up that statement.

To clarify, I am not saying that they committed suicide BECAUSE of the forum.

SleepingUgly, let me also be very clear. I did not think you were lashing out at anyone in a hurtful manner. I didn't even think you were lashing out. Rather you were rightfully reminding us that we should try to HELP others. And you are right. I try very hard to pour my experience and insight into each of my posts. I try to make a difference in those who come here. But sometimes I need someone to say "snap out of it" to me. Sometimes I do that to others.

But PLEASE do not feel that I was upset with your reminder. If I felt my approach had been out of line, I would have apologized. You are right that we need to be as supportive as possible. Please continue to be our conscious. We all need that reminder that we need to try to walk in the shoes of the other person.

So, keep up the good work! I mean it. We come here to help and to be helped. It's a great thing to remind us of our focus.