Things are not always what they appear to be

I tried to attend an AWAKE meeting the past two nights.
Never made it......both cancelled....another story.

The meeting was to be held down the hall from the sleep ctr.
where I had my sleep study done.
When I got there the doors to the sleep ctr. were locked,
but I could look in the windows.
I just stood there and put myself back to that night.
The past 5mths rushed through my mind.

6/21 Sat. night 8pm
I was so tired.
I still didn't know that my brain had been dying for years.
The desperation for some relief from the pain and fatigue
had me by the throat. If they would have asked me to sleep
standing on my head, I would have given it a try.
I whacked myself w/ambien, just to be sure.
I really only remember getting wired up....the tech was very nice.
I remember the mask and the chinstrap and then,
I was walking out. Really no idea what had just happened.

That night was, literally, the first day of the rest of my new life.

I realized today, I wasn't meant to attend an AWAKE meeting.
I was meant to stand and look in those windows and remember...
so I could know and appreciate, that night and my new life.

It's interesting how fast we forget some things (vs. how we just can't seem to forget some other things). It's good to remember sometimes so that we don't fall back into a destructive pattern or just to appreciate what we now have. This is especially so when we are struggling against the temptation to just give up the fight and surrender to the path of least resistance.