OT Holy smokes you people are falling apart

To commemorate her birthday, actress/vocalist, Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan 's Radio City Music Hall for the benefit of the AARP. One of the musical numbers she performed was 'My Favorite Things' from the legendary movie 'Sound Of Music'. Here are the lyrics she used:
(Sing It!) - If you sing it, its especially hysterical!!!

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillacs and cataracts, and hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.


When the joints ache, When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.




Brenda

Ok, I can't resist//gotta share this one....

An elderly woman walks into a bar and says, " Today is my 90th birthday, and I want a shot of Jack Daniels, straight ! " The bartender is both amused and impressed and says, " Its on the house ..not everyone drinks Jack without water and turns 90 ! ". The old woman grabs it, slugs it down and asks for a second. Another man at the bar says he will buy the next shot for her, she thanks him and down it goes..straight Jack and no water. This happens for the third shot and she is still standing and jovial and thanking everyone for helping her celebrate her 90th birthday. Finally in curiosity the bartender asks her if she always drinks her Jack Daniels straight..she looks him in the eye and says.." Yep, I have to, ..and I'll tell you why..I'm 90 yrs old and I can hold my liquor, but I can't always hold my water ! "

ok - here's a few (apologies if any are repetitions!):

Getting older is like visiting an all-you-can-eat buffet. What should be hot is cold, what should be firm is limp, and the buns are bigger than anything else on the menu.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.

Being over the hill is much better than being under it.

Wrinkled is not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.

I don't iron. If I'm not wrinkle-free, then why should my clothes be?

He who dies with the most toys is nonethless DEAD.

Ever get the feeling your stuff strutted off without you?

Mindy