Wife won't sleep with me

Oh, I'm sure we scared him off.
B.

Babette wrote:Oh, I'm sure we scared him off.
B.

HAHAH I was just about to post the same thing

BTW, that was so nice what you wrote. Memories like that must make the whole dating thing all that much more annoying. Sorry I'll stop now. But thank for sharing

bigk wrote:I recommend a King size bed. Sleeping separately is step 1 of divorce.

see, this kind of narrow thinking, coupled with broad sweeping statements, is really unfortunate, IMHO

while there IS the distinct possibility that sleeping separately could be a sign of hostility or indifference or resentment, (and we don't know what the original poster's wife's real reasons are, obviously) there is also the distinct possibility that one or both halves of the couple have perfectly valid reasons for needing their own space, whether it's one being a lighter sleeper than the other, working opposite shifts, illness/pain conditions...i think it's brave to face your significant other and tell them that while you love him/her, you need your own bed to get decent sleep--which is the reason we're ALL here, isn't it? to get some damn sleep? why should your S.O. be stuck night after night kept awake by your snoring and/or other behaviours (sleeptalking/sleepwalking was a really big problem for us, where i woke my hubby up multiple times/night performing some dream or other) or by the noise from your cpap ? i love my husband and want only the best for him...if that means he can't sleep in a room with this dysfunctional sleeper, so be it...why should a committed relationship automatically mean that one or both of you gets no sleep for the duration of your relationship? if the whole foundation of a marriage comes down to sharing a bed, and "sleeping separately is step 1 of divorce", then there's not much hope for surviving the really significant and difficult things that can come with being married, is there?

i don't mean to be combative, i just really resent big k's casual characterization of every relationship...tell you what: why not try to seek first to understand, then to be understood

Maybe they were onto something in the 50's with the separate beds!

sharon1965 wrote:

bigk wrote:I recommend a King size bed. Sleeping separately is step 1 of divorce.

see, this kind of narrow thinking, coupled with broad sweeping statements, is really unfortunate, IMHO

while there IS the distinct possibility that sleeping separately could be a sign of hostility or indifference or resentment, (and we don't know what the original poster's wife's real reasons are, obviously) there is also the distinct possibility that one or both halves of the couple have perfectly valid reasons for needing their own space, whether it's one being a lighter sleeper than the other, working opposite shifts, illness/pain conditions...i think it's brave to face your significant other and tell them that while you love him/her, you need your own bed to get decent sleep--which is the reason we're ALL here, isn't it? to get some damn sleep? why should your S.O. be stuck night after night kept awake by your snoring and/or other behaviours (sleeptalking/sleepwalking was a really big problem for us, where i woke my hubby up multiple times/night performing some dream or other) or by the noise from your cpap ? i love my husband and want only the best for him...if that means he can't sleep in a room with this dysfunctional sleeper, so be it...why should a committed relationship automatically mean that one or both of you gets no sleep for the duration of your relationship? if the whole foundation of a marriage comes down to sharing a bed, and "sleeping separately is step 1 of divorce", then there's not much hope for surviving the really significant and difficult things that can come with being married, is there?

i don't mean to be combative, i just really resent big k's casual characterization of every relationship...tell you what: why not try to seek first to understand, then to be understood

BINGO!!!

Den (can't think of anything more to add to that)

echo wrote:Maybe they were onto something in the 50's with the separate beds!

Well, one set of grandparents slept in twin beds separated by a little night stand - a la Lucy and Ricky. Married from age about 20 to age about 90. I used to catch them in each other's bed (with the other) all the time. (shudder)

Other grandparents had a king sized bed all the years that I knew them. Married about the same length of time. Grandma died in Grandpa's arms. (shudder of a different kind)

Appeared to work for them.
B.

Not much advice here, one suggestion is to consider a Snugglehose cover for the tubing. It helps me a whole lot with rainout issues and makes rolling over the hose not as annoying.

solution : spend $175. on resmed full face mask with double gasket

soft_guy wrote:I've had sleep apnea for kind of a long time. I snored and choked for years and my wife banished me to another part of the house.

Finally I got CPAP because we moved to a smaller house with thinner walls and she said I either had to do it or move out. But she also held out the promise that if I did get used to the CPAP then she would sleep with me again.

I'm glad I got used to it. I've been using it for well over a year now and it has made life so much better. Sleep is better. I feel better. I've lost a little weight. I don't mind using the machine - totally used to it now.

Problem is that wife reneged on her promise because she doesn't like the cold air on the back of her neck or the noise from the machine. The mask I use (the one they fitted me with initially) is a Nasal Aire II which has two small streams of air that come straight out.

Is there something I could do - possibly get a different mask that doesn't shoot air out the front, maybe with a longer hose or something so the machine can be further from the bed - so that I could address this issue for her? I want to sleep with her.

Mark Ross wrote:solution : spend $175. on resmed full face mask with double gasket

Which mask is this?

Just count yourself lucky that your wife wants her own bed.

I have been sleeping on the floor the last 2 years, I like the floor and perfer it over a bed. My wife sleeps in the bedroom and I sleep in the living room and I don't miss it one bit, my wife doesn't either. I've been married for 22 years.

soft_guy wrote:I've had sleep apnea for kind of a long time. I snored and choked for years and my wife banished me to another part of the house.

Finally I got CPAP because we moved to a smaller house with thinner walls and she said I either had to do it or move out. But she also held out the promise that if I did get used to the CPAP then she would sleep with me again.

I'm glad I got used to it. I've been using it for well over a year now and it has made life so much better. Sleep is better. I feel better. I've lost a little weight. I don't mind using the machine - totally used to it now.

Problem is that wife reneged on her promise because she doesn't like the cold air on the back of her neck or the noise from the machine. The mask I use (the one they fitted me with initially) is a Nasal Aire II which has two small streams of air that come straight out.

Is there something I could do - possibly get a different mask that doesn't shoot air out the front, maybe with a longer hose or something so the machine can be further from the bed - so that I could address this issue for her? I want to sleep with her.

I hear you want to sleep with her and hope that works out for you. I'm wondering, what is the payoff for her that you keep trying to get her to sleep with you? Perhaps it makes her feel wanted or other such thing.

"I heard last night on the news that there are now a record number of women living alone in this country. I wonder why? (Not really, just being sarcastic)"

BOTH GENDERS are more prone to live alone these days as people are staying in school longer, starting careers later and becoming less likely to marry. Also, men die much earlier than women. Perhaps its all the nagging that they have to put up with. It's sort of funny to hear women whining about men taking up the bed. There are plenty of women who hate C-PAP because they like to cuddle. Then there are people on here saying the exact opposite. It's almost as if each person is different.

To the OP, is your marriage that good in the first place? CPAP or divorce? It's nice of her to push you down the path, but that seems like a bit much. Is the relationship really worth being in at this point? How old are you?

What an interesting discussion on marital relationships. My take after 42 years of marriage and friends with long-term marriages is that there is absolutely no guessing what goes on inside a relationship that isn't your own. So I don't speculate.

However, I too have a mask that blows out cold air directly in front of my face toward my spouse...the Opus 360. We have a queen-size bed and the blowing does bother him. We have a small throw pillow that we put between our heads to block the air from reaching him. This seems to work very well.

Guest wrote:" Also, men die much earlier than women. Perhaps its all the nagging that they have to put up with.

Oh, where's Babette when you need her???? Dear Guest, can you spell misogynist?

It's sort of funny to hear women whining about men taking up the bed. There are plenty of women who hate C-PAP because they like to cuddle. Then there are people on here saying the exact opposite. It's almost as if each person is different.

Dear Guest, Yes, strangely, it is almost as if each person is different.....

To the OP, is your marriage that good in the first place? CPAP or divorce? It's nice of her to push you down the path, but that seems like a bit much. Is the relationship really worth being in at this point? How old are you?

Dear Guest, I wait with bated breath to hear/see the valuable marital advice you provide to OP; I know it will be fabulous because of the excellent quality of your previous analysis

Sincerely yours,
Chris (see, that's my actual name, Guest.)

lookin4sleep/chris
lmao
loved your post