Dating and the Single Cpap-er Redux

Will have to get that info as I don't have it.

Okay, slow down!!!! No dreamboat. *I* am not anyone's dreamboat, what right do I have to demand that anyone be MINE?

And there's a new twist. I actually answered two ads, and the second one didn't reply until Monday. I thought he wasn't interested. But so far he is. Now I have two interesting men I'm corresponding with, plus a nice TG girl in North Carolina that I'm discussing historic reenacting with. That's another story.

So three rather intense conversations going on, with people I think would really enjoy each other if they were in the same room together.

Guy #2 (actually the first guy I wrote to, but he took his time replying) posted that he's 50 lbs overweight and looking for a workout buddy (amid other things that intrigued me). I immediately jumped on that, and have sent him recent pix of me, and been very upfront about my weight. (You too can see them at my Photobucket site - just go to the "My Victorian Clothing" section - s124.photobucket.com/albums/p36/BabetteLaMauvaise)

Guy #1 has seen an 8 year old pic of me that I think is particularly flattering and has approved that one. I figured I'd slowly work my way up to a current photo.

HOWEVER, he's insisted he doesn't care what I weigh or what I look like. No, I haven't seen a pic of him. He doesn't have a camera, and I can vouch that he's kinda computer-challenged. He has described himself as 145 lbs and 5'9" and likes to do alot of athletic activities, though. So, you can see how I'm a little nervous of foisting all 215 lbs of love on him right off the bat.

So....... I dunno what to think. I've had fun in the past, but I've also had alot of "failed relationships, and I don't think I've "dated smart". I am so awkward and uncomfortable with "dating" that I tend to follow this pattern:

1) First date
2) I like you - let's move in together!!!!
3) You're not my type - no second date
4) Or, he doesn't like me, no second date

Clearly, this isn't working for me.

IF YOU ALWAYS DO WHAT YOU'VE ALWAYS DONE, YOU'LL ALWAYS GET WITH YOU'VE ALWAYS GOT. Thank you Sharon1965 for that excellent advice!!!

So, I have to say I'm tickled pink by all the support I'm getting here. Do you lovely people mind teaching me how to "date"?

I love all my cyber friends, but honestly, I am so much online that I am not entirely certain if I'm human or computer. As I said to Guy #2 last night "Poke me and see if I feel like plastic to you."

I want some live friends. Yes, I have girlish dreams of love. But I also know myself pretty well. I'm very much a loner, and I really doubt I'll ever want to compromise enough to get married again. I would really like a nice "part time" relationship.

In fact, I'd really like to try to go out and do fun things AND NOT SLEEP WITH SOMEONE and still have fun with them. And maybe do that with multiple people, if that is the opportunity that arises.

Is that wrong?

I did fess up to Guy #1 about Guy #2. I can't possibly play secretive games. I'll tell Guy #2 if we email some more. )))

Thank you for your support. It means alot to a lonely, middle aged, fat chick.
B.

Aside to SleepyCarol - I sent you an off-list email and you didn't reply. Are you getting my emails or it that I am just not getting yours? My work server is messing with my emails now. Email me at home.

Cheers,
Babs

Anonymous wrote:Aside to SleepyCarol - I sent you an off-list email and you didn't reply. Are you getting my emails or it that I am just not getting yours? My work server is messing with my emails now. Email me at home.

Cheers,
Babs

e-Mails can be a challange, I use outlook express, always have, Verizon.net is my DSL. I just redid all my computers, and the email has been messing up, so i went to verizon for my settings and logged in on thier mail, they had put a filter in place that put 162 of my emails into a bulk(junk) box that is trashed every 30 days. I found things I really wanted, but were missing. So I changed it not to bulk anything, if it's junk I'll trash it. Some nerve for them to do that..... A lot of receipts for online purchaces & rebates have been lost due to their Helping me. Jim

Yeah, I did that, but it's MY WORK EMAIL, and they have put on some new blocking filters that are blocking out some of my "personal" emails. ))))

LOL,
Babs

PS - Guy #1 says he's not the jealous type and has no problem with Guy #2. And then, in response to my email request if he'd ever done time, sends me his complete criminal history, his SS# and full legal name.

I really don't have a problem with him doing 3 days jail time for a traffic ticket he refused to pay in Texas. Heck, I'd probably be jailed in TX for just talking Yankee!

Ah...yes Babbette, I do recall REAMS now, and guess being
a 30 something did shine through, LOL.
At first read, I thought it was a web portal, heheheehee.

Babs,

I double checked my email and nope no messages from you. I have tried sending one to your private email (not the work one). Let me know if it goes through.

Carol

Babs,

Well, you did ask for dating advice... Will perspective suffice?

Correspondence dating is nothing new.
Lookat 'The Shop Around the Corner' and it's remake, 'You've Got Mail'.

People will always surprise you. It's nice when the surprises that keep coming tend to be enjoyable, interesting or at least thought-provoking. It's less so when they're alarming, destorted or damaging to you. Be more careful if there are no surprises. My wife still surprises me to this day, but on balance, the surprises are fun or at least give me better perspective. I fall more in love each day. Trust grows. If things aren't headed in that direction in any relationship, please keep a shrewd head.

At the first sign of abuse, bow out of the relationship. I have never called my wife a single dirty name. I have never hit her - not even close. The first time anyone hits you (as in uncontrollable rage or anger) is the last time. Period. You're out of there.

• If the other person is always referring to the 'x', good or bad, they're not thinking about you. Move on.
• Don't enable negative habits in a relationship found in 12 step programs.
• Be honest and expect honesty couched in courtesy in return.
• Don't 'settle for' anything. You deserve satisfaction.
• Recognize satisfaction when it comes.
• If you're not having fun, regroup.
• Honor your agreements. If you can't, talk it over before breaking them.

Yeah, my perspective is pretty old-fashioned. I'm not saying my wife and I never argue. On the contrary. But we always get each other's perspective. We both work hard to bolster our relationship.

Along the lines of more casual relationships, I'm probably less insightful. I can juggle objects, but I've never been good at juggling casual relationships. In my experience, love and 'part-time' relationships (sex buddies) generally are not compatible. You'll need to decide for yourself what you need now and make your perspective clear to prospective partners.

But you're the protagonist of this story. I probably don't have to tell you not to go down the dark alley if you hear sour notes in the music.

I guess like everyone else, I'm just suggesting that you be careful.

Anonymous wrote:

yorkiemum01 wrote:not wanting to sound ingorant...but what is REAMS???
Geez...I've been single too long! LOL

It's an old fashioned concept. "PAPER" is a product made from trees. When it's gathered together in bundles to sell to the consumer, it's wrapped in groups of 500 that are called "reams."

Your age is showing. You've clearly grown up in the post-computer world.

LOL,
Babs - the Very Ancient

Hehe ... the wife was watching a new 70's based show series the other night, last week, called Swingtown. The episode was about this couple having a swinger's party to raise legal fees for some porn star named "Harry Reams". I thought it was funny ... the name that is

Anyway, the wife and I met on Yahoo Personals ... seems to have worked out ok.

I just feel warm and fuzzy all over. It's so sweet of all of you to care for my safety so much!!!! Thank you all!!

And I really appreciate all the relationship advice. I'm great at falling in love - I just don't know how to make love stay. I'm terribly ADD with love - the first sign of trouble, and I'm bolting out the door.

We moved up to the telephone chat last night. Talked each other's ears off. If his two cats hadn't decided they needed to be fed at midnight, I would never have noticed I was desperately wanting to pee, and we would have talked all night, and I probably would have wet the couch and never noticed, I was laughing so hard at all his funny stories.

He's really hilarious. In a completely low-key, not even trying to be funny way. He just has this really interesting perspective on life.

We decided we really had to meet live, and Saturday night it is. I said I'll drive up to Seattle, he insisted he could come to Lakewood. I said "There is NOTHING INTERESTING TO DO IN LAKEWOOD, trust me, I live here, and am bored spitless by the place." It's a treat for me to go to Seattle, so I'm really looking forward to it.

It occurred to me immediately that we both talk so much, we're likely to talk each other up all night. I plan to pack the CPAP, a change of clothes, and make a reservation at the Motel 6 on the highway.

I wrote him this morning that I know he's thinking the same thing - that a bleery OSA patient driving home for an hour at 3 am isn't a good thing - but that while I know he'll offer his place to crash, it would probably be best if I just got a room. And I assured him I can afford that and it was all good. We shall see how he responds. I suspect he'll say "I want to do whatever makes you most comfortable." Because that's what he says about everything. He's really a very NICE guy.

He's actually probably too much of a "new age sensitive guy" for most of my brawny he-man friends on this list, but hey! You don't have to date him!

So, I promise to leave his name, phone number and social security number with my assistant and friend. If I don't show up for work on Monday, she'll call out the law.

Huggers all around,
Babs - The Very Smitten

I met my hubby on the internet and also my two previous boyfriends. There's a lot of frogs out there but there are also some princes!

PS - About his Ex. We both have multiple Exes. Hey, we're sluts, give us a break. We both prefer the term "Serial Monogamist".

He only has ONE evil Ex, the most recent one, and about her, he really says "I don't want to talk about her. I don't want to go there and dredge up all those bad feelings." But then, in a completely innocent conversation about something completely different, he'll divulge things about her that are less than stellar, but which aren't in any way NASTY AND MEAN. When he finds himself doing that, though, he'll stop, and temper his negative remarks with excuses for her, or how he really feels bad about badmouthing her.

I almost feel like he was the abused partner in that relationship. I know that might be shocking to some of you, but it happens. Women abuse men in many ways, and in many ways, that is one of the final taboos in our society. In fact, we talked about that last night. He is incredibly self-aware. I think he's come to that same conclusion, and it's shocked him.

I do believe that one only hears one side of the story, and it's easy to hate the ex of someone you're newly smitten with.

But he's so incredibly open, and willing to tell me anything about himself, before I even ask. And when I DO ask, he'll tell me more than he has to, to assure me of MY SAFETY. He's really concerned about everything being safe and above board. He's mentioned several times that it's tougher to be a woman moving through the world than a man, as safety is a large issue.

I think he'd fit into this discussion very well. He'd be telling me to do all the same things YOU are telling me to do.

Which is a very good sign.

Or he's a very, very, very skilled serial killer.

In which case, I do know his phone works, and again, I'm leaving his info with friends.

LOL,
B.

babs, i got nuttin new to add to the discussion... but im gonna post anyhoo

yup, be careful.

yup, i know the problem - fall in and out of love easily! My BF and I have now been together for 7 (gulp, SEVEN) years. He's the only one I didn't get bored with ! Really, that's the reason I keep him around Always something new every day.

I didn't feel like 'he's the one' when we met, but we sorta grew into each other.
So don't put any pressure on yourself girl!!

And yup, be careful

Good forward thinking with the motel BTW!!

(I met him through work, but internet kept the relationship alive for two years since we lived several hundreds? thousands? well, at least 1 time-zone apart, and then again for 1.5 years when we lived 7 timezones apart).

Babs,

Be sure to tell the person you are leaving the information with the following:

Where and what time you are meeting.

Also, have them call you on your cell during the time you are talking. If things are not OK, it can give you an excuse out. Have some code words which will allow you to excuse yourself graciously if you need to. The person who calls you needs to be sure you are OK, and if not, they need to call for help BEFORE Monday comes.

You are meeting in a public place, right?

If you talked to this guy, you would probably feel more assured.

Yes, we're meeting in a public place.

I will tell my assistant to call - she has an anxiety disorder already and is already worried about me - this will make her feel MUCH BETTER.

Hey, if I don't make it back to the boards Monday - I HAD A NICE RIDE ANYWAY! Ya'll are the BEST!

LOL,
Babs