Dating and the Single Cpap-er Redux

echo wrote:Schleima - Sharon said it well. I hope you don't take this thread as a bashing -- more of a good natured debate We all look through life through our own rose-colored lenses (or whatever the saying is... I'm horrible with sayings).
I think you understand my point that I think it's more about being SPOILED than anything else. That goes for Europe too. I don't know enough about the far east to comment on that. The more things we can attain, the more we want, and the more picky we are. I've also read a study that showed that there is a correlation between a woman's education level and age and how choosey she is in picking a mate. So a " modern day " woman really has high standards that are difficult for many men to meet - and I think that's what you are also referring to.

Now food in different cultures - that's another fun post. I miss good Indian food around here

I think you've really hit on something here. A high availability choices and stuff conditions us to keep digging for the "perfect one". Imagine a bargain bin at a discount store filled with 100 pairs of black socks. Any one of those would be suitable, but when you've got 100 pairs to pick from, you think you have the freedom to pick the exact one you want, so you pick it. Well guess what, the store next door has a pair you would have liked more. You can either be tortured by this fact, or you can come to the realization that the world is filled with all kinds of black socks, and this pair will keep my feet warm just fine.

Learning to truly appreciate what one already has... that's the real key to happiness, in my opinion. Upgrades are evil.

Adam

My dad used to look for the best deal in town, and once he thought he found it - he would buy it - but then keep checking to see that he didn't get screwed over if it was cheaper somewhere else. Drove me nuts! I find a good deal , I buy it, and I actively avoid checking the price in other places! I don't want to know!

rooster wrote:2. I traveled on business and occasional vacations for 35 years to North and South America, Europe and Asia. I had plenty of strong relations that spilled over to become friendships and was in many business associates homes spending time with them and their spouses and children. This is very rewarding but it ain't gonna help you with a marriage!

It all depends what you do with the new perspective you gain from your travels. A book is just a paperweight unless it is read and its ideas considered and applied.

My travels came at a critical junction in my life-- pre-marriage, post-breakup. Seeing how other people live, love and travel together was just what I needed at that point in my life. I was so jealous of those traveling couples I met, and I knew that I wanted a partner one day that I could see the world with. I started hosting foreign travelers in my home, and staying in people's homes abroad. http://www.hospitalityclub.org seriously changed my life.

That sounds really awesome Schleima.

OK, I understand a little better now. You saw slices of people's lives when they were happy with each other and able to take nice vacations. I would be careful about modeling a lifelong commitment to one spouse after such a superficial view of marriage.

Can someone recommend a romance and gossip website I can move to! Is the damn feminine side of me coming out today?!

Babs, It is you who has driven me over the edge!!!!!!

Rooster.
Enough foreplay!!
Stop hitting on Bab.
She is not your type.

She is not inflatable

Rooster, is that time of the month for you now? Poor dear...

sharon1965 wrote:didn't you know? i've got brothers, brothers and more brothers and they're all on a continuous loop of single, married, on-the-rocks, divorced, single, married, on-the-rocks, divorced...you get the picture...sometimes they take turns, sometimes they're all on the same page...

the two oldest are currently in their married (re-married) phase but the two younger ones are in flux, so i could keep you posted...though i'm sure you're seeing a trend here that might put you off...or make you run the four minute mile in the other direction!

unlike rooster's experience, the role modeling wasn't quite what it could have been...so in more ways than one, i'm just grateful to have been born the only female offspring in my particular family of origin; mon freres are just one demographic i'm happy not to be lumped in with

It's tragic, what you decribe with your brothers and their exes. I really feel that love should be simpler than all of this. (yes, yes... I know it's naive... but it's true. It's life that messes up the simplicity of it)

As I said in previous posts, I had only 5 relationships (6 months or less each) before getting married, and I had only one breakup that deeply affected me. I was always very optimistic with the women I met, but no matter how put together they appeared on the outside, they invariably had been through the wringer by god knows how many guys before, and I personally had not been "messed up" enough to really understand where their insecurities were coming from. For a long time I approached women as a tabula rasa... no silly games, I was just myself. Yet they projected all this emotional baggage onto me, which simply didn't exist. I just didn't know how to handle it because I hadn't experienced that kind of pain... it made no sense to me. From my perspective, I was just trying to get to know someone new, but they were trying to figure out how I was going to cut them... and no amount of assurance of my good intentions was ever enough. That gets tiring *really* quickly, and eventually the breakup becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

But my wife, believe it or not, has never been hurt before. She had only one boyfriend before me, and the relationship fizzled out with a whimper. When I first met her, I thought she was playing a game with me.... my own defensiveness kicking in from my former heartbreak. But I found out pretty quickly that she was sincere. Yes, this makes her naive in some ways, but consider that she actually can 'Love like she's never been hurt' because she doesn't know any other way to do it. (Also consider how this "naive" person traveled around the world, alone, for 6 months through China, Mongolia, Russia, Europe and the US)

This was a revelation to me... she is such a kind person and I couldn't imagine being the first person to break her heart. Because of the hurt in my life, I understood what a precious gift this was. The ironic part is that if I had met her before I had my own heart-rending breakup fiasco, I probably would have dismissed her as being too naive(!)

So when I hear stories about multiple breakups, I feel that pain. I regress to the time when I had to try and juggle the emotions of someone else's boyfriend neuroses, and it really does scare me.

That does it! I am out of here for today. Gotta catch a rough 'n tough movie on Lifetime or Oxygen.

(But please read my 'Canadian' post' - It's my real style. )

OK I couldn't resist: The Google add that just appeared in front of my gmail:

Dumped? - GetYourExBackNow.com - Instant Relief From Break Up Pain & Fastest Plan To Get Your Ex Back.

Yup, that pretty much sums up everything schleima was saying! It IS sad but life goes on...

How has the group been dealing with dating? I am new to CPAP and I am not sure how long to wait to spring the machine on a new girl. What experiances has the group had? Does anyone know of a CPAP dating website and/or group?

1) Reviews are mixed on when to spring it, and their reactions.
2) No such dating site have I ever found.

My personal belief - tell her NOW. DO NOT SPRING IT ON HER AFTER 2-3 DATES OR JUST BEFORE BED.

I have had positive experiences by being upfront about it right away. I can tell you from personal experience, as well, that I did NOT appreciate having things SPRUNG ON ME, as we were heading for bed. Not CPAP related, but I'm sure you can imagine. No one I know reacts well to having things sprung on them on the verge of making love.

I dated a cpap-er 8 years ago, before I was diagnosed. He told me when we were in the emailing stage. I was fine with it. I was fine with it all along. He had way more trouble adjusting than I did.

BTW - Update: It's all bad out there. I'm definitely out of the gene pool for another three years or so.

1) Finally had the first date in 3 years. After a couple of beers, some games of pool, and a couple of offers of free mustache rides, I decided I was ready to go home. He invited me to HIS home, for free mustache rides. I declined, very politely, and I've never heard from him since. I'm actually thrilled, as, and I know this will shock many men, I never found the offer of a free mustache ride as seductive.

2) Discovered an anonymous CL post-er that I responded to was an old boyfriend from 20 years ago. After the initial rush from some very pretty things he said to me, he's spent the past week sending me emails that make my head snap back. I decided last night at 3 am, after yet one more wack-job email, that he was DONE. Thankfully he doesn't have my home address....

3) Have decided that many CL post-ers actually pay someone else to ghost-write their ads. They write long, thoughtful posts, I respond in kind, and get two sentence replies that include the phrase "do me" and/or pix of their genitals. What the f????? I'd really like to meet this ghost writer guy. Anyone got HIS email?

Cheers,
Babs

Babette wrote:...two sentence replies that include the phrase "do me" and/or pix of their ...

Subtle...

Cyrano de Bergerac was a ghost writer.
I cannot help but contrast this with your earlier writing about mustache rides.

I do love a big nose on a man. If anyone has Cyrano's email addy, hit me up.

BTW, "Roxanne" was one of my favorite versions of that story.
B.

Babette wrote:I do love a big nose on a man. ......B.

How is this?