Clueless Family with Apnea--RANT!

After a couple of years of gentle encouragement, my dad finally had a sleep study and got a bare bones machine a couple of months ago. I was so happy that he finally took this step.

As I muse about how long it took him to finally have the sleep study, I am reminded that it took my three or four years to get my own study done. Since then, almost 3 years ago, I have not missed a night (or a nap) on the hose and an so thankful that I stopped being so stupid.

As a side note, through all I have learned of this forum, I was able to help my dad convince his sleep doc and his DME to upgrade him to an Auto with A-flex. He got it earlier this week!

Yep Jen,

Yet another thing we have in common. My mom was diagnosed with apnea a few years ago. She got her equipment and lasted less than a week. One of the major problems was that they didn't give her a humidifier and she started having nose-bleeds. This was before I knew anything about apnea and the difficulties associated with starting and continuing treatment.

As far as stubborn goes, there's no doubt that some people are stubborn from day one (my middle daughter, the Taurus) but I think there's also a natural tendency as one gets older to build a gradual resistance to change. You get to a point where you'd rather keep sleeping the way you have for years (lousy) rather than strap a stupid looking hose to your head and dabble in the black magic of CPAP.

Of course, when you get a naturally stubborn person who then gets older and resistant to change...as you said, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!".

Gerald wrote:Jen.....The answer to your question is simple. Much of our culture does its best to make people "comfortable with contradictions"....they go through life with "nothing adding up".......and they're happy with that. Gerald

Gerald, I love that! Mind if I use it sometime?

TW

Well...here is an example of my families stubborn ways...first of all the last name is Bull...really I am not kidding. Story has it that my grandfather was rocking in his chair while my grandmother and friends were working on a quilt in the same room. Grampa rocked so hard that he went over backwards...the ladies all tryied to help him and he said "Leave me alone, I wanted to do this" He laid there with the chair on it's back, he in it with his legs in the air for another 1/2 hour or more...until the ladies left.

Now, my 61 y/o brother has diabetes, he is on an insulin pump, he is and always has been ornory...we all walk on egg shells and our mother always says...that is just (I won't name him". Just ignore it. I have been trying to get him to have a study. He knows he can be down right nasty sometimes and feels bad after...I just don't understand why he won't at least do a study...doesn't he want to smile and have others smile with him verses smiling and everyone rolls their eyes before scattering away from him....there is another word that comes to mind other than stubborn...

Oh jeez, my family too. I love them, but my mom, dad and sister all drive me insane with their stubborness.

Let's start with my sister. She's 20, and has been diagnosed with hypothyroid and ADD and refuses to take any medication for either. I'd bet my next two paychecks that her so-called "ADD" symptoms are actually a result of undiagnosed sleep apnea. She spends pretty much all weekend sleeping (just like I used to) is overweight and becoming more so all the time because she eats nothing but junk food. She claims she's a "vegetarian," but I can't remember the last time I actually saw her eat a vegetable.
She always complains about how tired she is, but when I suggested to her that she might have sleep apnea, she said there was "no way in hell" she'd ever sleep with a mask or "damn machine." A similar kind of bitchy rant can be elicited by suggesting that she take her thyroid medication, eat a decent meal, not stay up till 4 am every night shopping on the internet, or basically anything else she doesn't want to do.
She's really smart but has no motivation to do anything other than watch TV/movies, surf the internet and buy lots of random crap, or sleep. She always talks about how badly she wants to buy a car, but never has any money for one because she buys so much stuff she doesn't need. She talks about how she doesn't want to go to college anymore because there's "no point;" she doesn't see a future for herself. That really scares me.
I'm almost 100% sure that she has OSA and that sleeping with a "damn machine" would go a long way to improving her quality of life. But what do I know?

Next, we have my dad. He's diabetic, overweight, and has other health problems. A few years ago, he was hospitalized for having a blood clot in his lungs. While he was there, his doctor suggested that he go for a sleep study once he got out. He set up an appointment, but kept changing it and finally just ended up cancelling it because he really didn't want to go.
He's really stingy with money and whenever I mention my anything to do with my CPAP machine or the sleep studies I did, he always asks me how much it ended up costing me. Like you can put a price on your quality of life? (Well, I guess if you're an insurance company or a DME you can, but that's another story).

Finally, my mom. She's not overweight, but she has a whole host of health problems including high blood pressure, mild depression that she takes Prozac for, fibromyalgia, and GERD among other things.
She's actually had a sleep study done, but they told her that her OSA "wasn't severe enough for a machine," and to just not sleep on her back."
WTF?
I keep bugging her to get a copy of her sleep study, or talk to her doctor to get another one or something, but she never does anything about it. I'm betting that treating her OSA, however "mild" it may be, would help alot with her HBP and so-called "depression."

::sigh::: As insane as they all make me, I'd like to keep them around as long as possible, but they seem to be hell-bent on cutting their lives short by not getting proper medical treatment.

amandalee wrote:Oh jeez, my family too. I love them, but my mom, dad and sister all drive me insane with their stubborness.

I did, he always asks me how much it ended up costing me. Like you can put a price on your quality of life?

The issue is not how much your CPAP is costing you, but how much his unwillingness to take care of his health may cost his family in the long run.

I lost my dad when I was 30. My youngest two children can't even remember him, he was only 51.

He didn't take care of the health issues in his life until it was too late. He always believed he would die young, but I once pointed out to my brother that he also did everything he could to make that happen.

And our family has missed a lot because of that. He never saw my brother get married, never had the opportunity to know his children, before he died, he regretted the fact that he hadn't been able to spend enough time with my daughters, he missed a lot of important events in my sister's life (she was only 23 when he died), and in our opinion, it wasn't worth the cost to our family.

My father-in-law is the same. He knows that he has sleep apnea, but he doesn't want to deal with that now. "There are too many other pressing issues." I told my wife to tell him that if he keeps it up, he won't be dealing with much of anything. But then what do we know. Even at 46 and 43, we're still "just the kids." Never mind the grandchildren who will miss him, the wife he'll leave behind, the children who love him dearly . . .

. . . all for the insanity of a little pride.

That's TOO funny. I've always thought the same thing but never really admitted it to anyone.

JeffH wrote:
My family is so nuts I purposely didn't have kids because I knew the gene pool needed to come to an end.

JeffH wrote:

___H wrote:

JeffH wrote:...That's interesting. 32 is the age I decided that kids were out of the question.

LOL

I had determined that kids were out of the question - period, end of story.

My oldest was born when I was 38. My little guy is 2 years younger. They'll be 3 and 5 in a few months.

I'm 51 now, so my decision took.

Very wise! Another reason I didn't have children is because if I was unable to solve my own health issues how could I help a child with similar health issues if I still struggle with mine. To knowingly bring children into this world with health problems that have no solution is selfish IMO.

CollegeGirl wrote:Jen, my family is the same way.

I have two aunts and an uncle who refuse to use their CPAPs. "I just can't sleep with it" they say. But then when I offer to help them select masks/machines that will actually make it comfortable, or to help them advocate to their DMEs, or to help them talk to their doctors...they never take me up on it.

My stepdad, whom I've posted about multiple times here, is claustrophobic, and refuses to use his, regardless of all the help I've offered. Here's the kicker - he can't get to sleep, so he takes sleeping pills. I've told him how dangerous this is with untreated apnea - he keeps saying he's going to talk to his doctor. He never does. He has high blood pressure, GERD, all sorts of health issues caused by apnea.

I'm 99% sure my mom has apnea. She has snored, snorted, and choked my whole life. She refuses to get tested, and admits it's because (like with everything else in her life) if she doesn't know there's something wrong, nothing bad will happen (or at least, that's what she thinks).

Sigh. I totally feel you, Jen. It is SO frustrating!

I had an uncle who seriously held his breath, snorted and choked in his sleep. He was also overweight and drank a lot. He lived to be 85 and died of cancer. It's his example that I sometimes have my doubts how highly correlated sleep apnea is with other health problems.

sharon1965 wrote:BUT...
one of my brothers went on sunday night for a sleep study! YAYYY...somebody finally listened...of course, sending him reminder emails on an almost constant basis might have influenced things

well, my brother called me with his results and he has moderate osa...so he goes back for titration the first week in october and he'll be going on cpap

i'm so glad he got himself checked out...he's 44 and very slim, fit, active...when he told his gp he wanted a referral the doc said, 'but you're in really good shape'...idiot...anyway, now, thanks to all i've learned from this wonderful site (and all the struggling i've had to do myself) i am now in an excellent position to help him, which puts him in an excellent position, too, and he won't have to undo damage caused by untreated osa down the road

thanks everyone!!!
sharon

Yay -- another undiagnosed case is diagnosed!!!

Right on Sharon!!! You don't have to carry the load yourself -- point him here and we'll all be happy to help!!!!

cheers
goose

Sharon
My brother had the study and left the lab without getting any info. I called him today (three weeks later) and was told he "hasn't heard from them or called them to find out what the study conclusions are". I guess the constant emails you used are the next step. I swear I was switched at the hospital....I cannot possibly be related to these simple stubborn people. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
Those of you considering not having kids may want to consider this possibility. Your genes may be innocent of the family emotional carnage you see around you.

"I had an uncle who seriously held his breath, snorted and choked in his sleep. He was also overweight and drank a lot. He lived to be 85 and died of cancer. It's his example that I sometimes have my doubts how highly correlated sleep apnea is with other health problems."

My father-in-law had a similar history. But he also fell asleep and snored in the afternoon and was a zombie all day. Clearly one can exist a long time with untreated apnea, but that is not "living" IMHO.