I can't bring myself to use the CPAP

I went for a sleep study, then a 2nd one and came home with a CPAP machine. That night at the study was the worst night of my life. I apparently tried to cough in my sleep and nearly choked to death because of all of the rushing air. I woke up more that night, than I ever had in the past.
Besides that horrible, terrifying experience, I have another HUGE issue with the CPAP. It's hideous!! I just cannot bring myself to put on that headgear and mask and lay next to my husband.

Question: How do any of you with these machines accomplish having spontaneous sex with your partner? I just can't see how it could be done. I mean there you are, tethered by a snorkeling hose, unable to open your mouth or move and...

Please don't think that this is a joke. It's not. How do you ever feel sexy or attractive wearing one of those things?

I can get my mask off in under 10 seconds.

Brenda

Well....

If I had a mate and she was on PAP therapy, and the love was good and balanced.... the mask, hose, machine... none of it would stop me from seeing her as just as sexy as she would be without those items. And I would surely help her get that headgear off to kiss and make love.

You are no less of a vibrant woman than before you started therapy. You are just as sexy and sensual. You haven't changed -- you just have another item for him to remove to get at all of you.

You surely wouldn't want to get the hoses confused.... so yank that mask off and go for it. Ohhh... and remember to put the mask back on... after the extended after-play. (Almost forgot that part.)

Nodzy

How do you ever feel sexy and attractive wearing one of those things?

i felt a lot less sexy and attractive when i was laying there with my mouth hanging open, snoring like a power drill, snorting, gasping and choking than i do now, sleeping peacefully and quietly...i also felt less attractive when i knew that my poor husband got so little sleep lying next to me...i guess, too, i'd feel pretty unattractive and not at all sexy if i didn't survive the night

perspective is everything

good luck getting your therapy going

sharon1965

Got any health "issues"?

Your ego will either make you sicker or kill you eventually (and earlier if you don't use your machine).

Here's a bit of information I've never posted before:
In the almost 2 1/2 years that I've been on this therapy, I've NEVER looked at myself in the mirror with a mask on. (I've never been that curious or needed to use one to make adjustments)
I DON'T CARE what I look like with it on. My wife doesn't either because she knows it's helping me get a good night's sleep and recover from years of being sleep and oxygen deprived.

As far as "spontaneity" goes.....like Brenda said.....the machine can get shut down and the mask can come off mightly quickly when necessary.

Den

Why should you want to take your mask off for tender moments?
I need all the extra air I can get.

You also need to get a positive attitude.

Zillions of us have been in your place and most adapted.

Choice is yours.

First of all I'm happy to see you are a member of this fabulous forum.

I've been on CPAP 2 1/2 months and similarly found myself thinking "why me?" I'm a woman and hated the thought of my husband not being able to cuddle me the same way. After 2 1/2 months, I find not much has changed. We cuddle differently on those nights when we cuddle instead of having sex. As for sex, absolutely nothing gets in our way : ) If I begin to fall asleep after, he taps me to wake me so I can put on my mask. This says 'I love you' to me as before he would fall asleep himself instead of stay awake to make certain I get my mask on.

Some have commented they miss or can't talk to their partner the same. My husband was so used to me talking until he fell asleep. Now he talks to me. We laugh when talking about this now. He says he gets to say so much he couldn't get say before when I talked all the time. If I want to reply, I just lift the mask up and say something. If it looks like it's going to go on, then I stop the machine and we talk. Sometimes just for fun I aim the air at him. Now that I use Pur-Sleep, a wonderful pure essential oil product that helps tolerate the plastic smell of the hose and mask, he says "do that again" since he likes the smell.

He worries a bit about me and knows the CPAP is working thanks to me being able to read my data, but still when he's awake before me (a miracle since before CPAP I was always awake first) he listens to my breathing and found I still stop breathing. I told him CPAP doesn't always stop events from starting, it stops them from continuing. He is very happy I'm on CPAP and even went to a local APNEA workshop with me. If it was him, I'd feel the same and do the same for him.

I'm not minimalizing your experience, and I too am still a bit miffed I have to wear a mask (as you can find in my early posts), but the bottom line is - it is the difference of living a healthy long life, or not. I've decided to make peace with it and learn to like what works. Such as my wonderful A-Flex machine that allows me to exhale easier and a nasal mask that finally works for me.

Best wishes.

He might not even realize your wearing a mask!
If he is like most men when he is in the mood the last thing he is thinking of is your head.
Also if you are the one that wants to be spontaneous then you also choose when to remove or put on the mask.
If he truly understands Sleep Apnea he would surely want you healthy and alive in bed and if that means a mask when you SLEEP, he will understand.
Has he acted upset about it or is it you that mainly dislikes the idea?

it sucks, but at least you'll live 20 more years to not enjoy it.

after a wile, you get use to it and then you find out your partner has it, too.

people just use to die at 50,60 and 70. now they get some air at night and live to be 70, 80, and well into the 90's with cpap. it's you choise.

Maybe I'm too vain, but I can't get past what I saw in the mirror.

I don't know why I have this anyway. I'm not over weight (5'3" 138 lbs.). No high blood pressure (102/68) I don't snore (I've asked about that.)
They said my apnea was "moderate". I don't know what that means.

The whole experience at the sleep center was horrible. From seeing myself with that thing on to being awaken by the terror of suffocating. I guess I coughed in my sleep and when my mouth opened, the rushing out of air choked me. I panicked and couldn't breathe. I couldn't get the mask off quickly. It was terrifying. I was awake for at least 45 minutes after that. On top of not being able to fall asleep to begin with and becoming fully conscious 4 other times, I got less sleep that night than I ever did at home.

I've heard of an appliance that can be worn like a mouth guard. Has anyone heard of or used that?

Thanks,

You're certainly not alone in your feelings about CPAP. During my sleep study my initial reaction was "You Have Got to Be Kidding!! What a Joke!" But that reaction wears off if you'll give it some time.

Truth of the matter is that OSA is much more than a sleep disorder. It's not primarly about sleep at all. It's about low blood oxygen (desaturation) during sleep, which is the root cause of all kinds of bad things, like diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, and death. There is no stronger signal to the body than low blood oxygen. When that happens, all heck breaks loose. The body shunts off blood from other parts in favor of the brain and the body goes into a panic, releasing panic hormones because, quite literally, you're risking death. Those panic hormones do all kinds of damage. On top of all of this, your sleep is disrupted.

So it's not just about sleep and feeling rested or not. Your health and life are quite literally on the line. Treatment is extremely important. All kinds of people join the boards only after they've contracted diabetes, had heart attacks, and are suffering from any number of "co-morbid" conditions, wishing they had started treatment sooner. There was one guy who completely blew off CPAP for 10 years and didn't revisit it until after he had full blown heart disease and bypass surgery. He was wishing he had taken it more seriously before.

Hang in there! Yes, CPAP is, for most people, a Life Sentence. But there are any number of ways to make it work, including comfort products to make it tolerable. Keep at it. Get some help. This forum is an excellent resource.

SleeplessinCLE wrote:Question: How do any of you with these machines accomplish having spontaneous sex with your partner? I just can't see how it could be done. I mean there you are, tethered by a snorkeling hose, unable to open your mouth or move and...

Please don't think that this is a joke. It's not. How do you ever feel sexy or attractive wearing one of those things?

There are many things that attract me to my wife, and me to her . . .

23 years of commitment, joy, pleasure, struggles, disappointments . . .

And we've stood together.

4 beautiful daughters.

Sexy is a state of mind. My wife doesn't look anything like she did at 19, but she's still cute and the sexiest woman I know. I helped build the little love handles that now grace her side . . .

She helped me survive a few of my gray hairs . . .

The masks doesn't stand between that. She's still sexy, and when the mood strikes, the mask comes off (along with everything else). It's just another part of my nighttime sleepwear.

And I'd rather have her next to me, than any hard bodied 19 year old who hasn't shared the love with me that made us who we are.

And she'd rather have me alive . . .

SleeplessinCLE wrote:Maybe I'm too vain, but I can't get past what I saw in the mirror.

I don't know why I have this anyway. I'm not over weight (5'3" 138 lbs.). No high blood pressure (102/68) I don't snore (I've asked about that.)
They said my apnea was "moderate". I don't know what that means.

The whole experience at the sleep center was horrible. From seeing myself with that thing on to being awaken by the terror of suffocating. I guess I coughed in my sleep and when my mouth opened, the rushing out of air choked me. I panicked and couldn't breathe. I couldn't get the mask off quickly. It was terrifying. I was awake for at least 45 minutes after that. On top of not being able to fall asleep to begin with and becoming fully conscious 4 other times, I got less sleep that night than I ever did at home.

I've heard of an appliance that can be worn like a mouth guard. Has anyone heard of or used that?

Thanks,

I don't mean to make light of your feelings, it is definitely something you have to get use to but it is also true that if you work at it over the next few days and start by using the ramp on your machine to build up while you are falling asleep you will eventually get use to it. Even after several months some nights still bug me but the nights that are good are so much better than I had before CPAP.
Relax, accept it, keep reading this forum, find a mask that you like and it will get easier.

I don't think anyone has commented on your screen-name. If you are "sleepless", the good rest that CPAP can give you will be a benefit. Also, helps give you the energy for those "spontanious" moments! Maybe you need to think about a different mask, that isn't so (as my husband puts it "fighter-pilotish". However, we have been able to have some fun with the whole preparing for take-off and fighter pilot thing. I agree with others who have said that getting their mask off takes little time. Shoot, I can have mine off in 3 seconds, and that's plenty of time to be spontanious.

[quote="dieselgal"]
If he is like most men when he is in the mood the last thing he is thinking of is your head.
quote]


au contrair