I am so angry and depressed

wading thru the muck! · Post by **wading thru the muck!** » Sat Apr 09, 2005 10:37 am

I empathize with your MIL issues. My mother can be that way to my wife and my brother's wife. The only thing I can say is that even if you were cannonized a saint you would still not live up to MIL's standard so don't even try to. I think you already know this. I'm just backing you up. Glad to hear DH is good to you, that's what really matters (and you being good to him ) Just remember what you can do for DH he can't get from his mother.

Sleeping With The Enemy · Post by **Sleeping With The Enemy** » Sat Apr 09, 2005 11:11 am

How is your MIL getting all of her information about your health issues? Your husband or you? You need to take care of yourself and your husband needs to stand up to his mom and tell her to back off or he might be a widower soon. You guys have every right to have privacy, I don't care if she is pitching in money or what. When it comes to your health, if she is not supportive, leave her out of it. It she keeps sticking her nose in it, stand up to her and tell her the way it is.

This is your life, you only get one run at it. Do everything that you can for yourself to make yourself healthier. You are the only one living in your body and no one else can tell you how you feel. It is purely subjective.

What works for her or what she believes, doesn't matter... its YOU that matters.

We want to see you succeed here. We all care about everyone who enters this forum. We want everyone to feel better, physically and mentally.

I don't mean to sound so harsh, but I always tell it like it is, almost to a fault! I'm pretty blunt!

Heidi

LDuyer · Post by **LDuyer** » Sat Apr 09, 2005 11:14 am

Look, you trust yourself. You are right to insist on getting your health back. It's cruel for anyone to suggest otherwise!

It's been said on one of these topics (by Rested Gal, I believe, and others) that you could get the doctor to write a prescription for your auto. RG had some specific suggestion about how the prescription should be written, look for that topic (I'll try and find it for you). Then apparently you can even fax that prescription to the online provider of the auto to get what you want. And you can submit the claim to your insurance company. (more complicated this way because you might have to pay outright first). Or you might also contact the insurance company to see what can be done.

Just suggestions. I do urge you to find RG's comments on this.

I feel for you, dealing with your MIL. It's easy to get caught up in this, especially with all the other health issues you've got going. Easier said than done, but try and focus on what you need to do to get set up with your treatment. Family can really mess with your mind.

But take care of yourself. Remember, although you're doing this for yourself, you're also doing this for your family, for the future of your family. You are an important person, you have value in this world, so NEVER let anyone, no matter how nice the family member is otherwise, take that away from you. Keep posting and venting. I know it helps. It's a great thing you've found the forum. It can be a godsend when you need it.

Take care,

Linda
(who doesn't look anything like her avatar, but I like the slender neck!)

LDuyer · Post by **LDuyer** » Sat Apr 09, 2005 11:22 am

Sue,

And if you haven't already, you might read the Insurance Reimbursement topic here started by Mikesus. Might come in handy for you.

Linda

sleeplesssue · Post by **sleeplesssue** » Sat Apr 09, 2005 1:42 pm

I'm hoping that this will be the case. Happy hoser. I really think, because of my neck injury and the whopper of a concussion I got along with it, that they want to make sure I do breathe with the airway open. Will home titration tell them that, and what my saturation is?

DH didn't comment about his mother at lunch. I think he's chosen the better part of valor.

Yes, MIL reacts as if she were the one paying our bills.

sleeplesssue · Post by **sleeplesssue** » Sat Apr 09, 2005 1:46 pm

I have no idea where she's getting her info on medicine. My SIL is married to a doctor. I think I will see if he will make it clear to her what is going on. She golfs almost WPGA well, he golfs....PGA well. She admires him. Maybe she'll listen. Golf is her life. Our family GP is also her golf buddy, but he isn't a liberty to discuss my problems with her. Thank God.

She is like her mother. She asks and if she doesn't get to know what she wants to know, people's lives get miserable in other ways around here. A serious manipulator sometimes. I've figured out the games after all these years, and know it has messed with my brain. I made a stand with her several years back, and we can always go back to where we were there, and she doesn't want that, because Dh came down with me and she had to come appologize. Never happened before that, but has a few times since. I have to admit, she does really try since then. Sometimes she forgets to zip it though. I think today she "got it" maybe. she suddenly decided she needed to go someplace else before things got icky. She went to visit her mother, who is 90.

sleeplesssue · Post by **sleeplesssue** » Sat Apr 09, 2005 2:24 pm

Wader, don't I know it, re: the saint comment. Although, I might be a rich doctor who plays WPGA golf, and she might like me really well most of the time.

Mikesus · Post by **Mikesus** » Sat Apr 09, 2005 3:19 pm

sleeplesssue wrote:I have no idea where she's getting her info on medicine.

From Oprah of course. Isn't that were the best Doctors are?

Sleeping With The Enemy · Post by **Sleeping With The Enemy** » Sat Apr 09, 2005 8:16 pm

When I made the comment about where is she getting her info, I meant, are you or your husband confiding in her or just through the grape vine?

If you are confiding in her, I would stop now--what is that old saying "with friends like that, who needs enemies". If it is your husband telling her your personal health information ask him to stop.

Just trying to be helpful...

sleeplesssue · Post by **sleeplesssue** » Sat Apr 09, 2005 10:47 pm

That's easier said than done. If she asks questions and she doesn't get to know, other difficulties arise. One maltreatment is about as bad as the other. So I don't see much difference. Either she will know and she will gripe, or she won't know and she'll get an attitude and maybe even worse things will happen than this. With her, it's always better if she knows the real story, because her mind can imagine worst case, soap opera type things to believe if she doesn't know. I mean, it must be really bad if nobody wants her to know. Right? a hypothetical: DH and I might have had a problem that we worked out but it was evident to those closest to us, over a little time, that we had a disagreement for a while. We didn't speak to one another and the problem was personal, and we didn't want to discuss it with others outside our relationship either. ok? Well, she might get wind of it and know there was a "bad" thing that happened, and it's a big secret, so I must have had an affair or something, when in reality it might be something DH did that he's sensitive about and just doesn't want anybody to know. That's how the woman thinks. And she'll think it and color me with that "fact" for the rest of my life, while I am totally unaware of what she is thinking. Well, A similar scenario did happen, and it came up as a matter of "fact" in a conversation we were having and she just floored me with what she believed I did for 20 years. She probably told others I did it as well. A couple of folks went to their graves with a kind of "thing" toward me that I never really understood until MIL let it be known the matter of "fact" about how I messed this one thing up. It wasn't me!

Oh well. That's enough of this topic. This isn't dysfunctional family forum.

Thanks for all the good advice on the auto machine. It sounds like a great thing to me.

LDuyer · Post by **LDuyer** » Sat Apr 09, 2005 10:59 pm

Sue,

I read your posts here and feel for you.
Can't be easy, this whole MIL thing.

I know you're venting here. And I think it interesting, and hope you find ways to cope with the situation.

Continue being honest with your family, even if it's not what they want to hear. It's the honesty that likely makes you feel good about yourself. Not easy, though, when you'd rather just keep your personal business to yourself and not with everyone else other than your husband.

I hope there are plenty of nice diversions around to help you deal with the family thing. I'm glad the forum is here for you. Take care of yourself. Keep in touch.

Linda

rock and roll · Post by **rock and roll** » Sun Apr 10, 2005 4:07 am

Just thought I'd add one more thing here. If you do go back for anoyher sleep study, have them give you a sleeping pill like an Ambian so you can sleep.

I tell all inlaws to butt out, period. This would be awkward for you since she lives almost with you but your husband needs too. She is adding stress you don't need.

Mikesus · Post by **Mikesus** » Sun Apr 10, 2005 5:18 am

Found exactly what you need...

Hints tips, and dealing with your Mother In Law

One of my personal Favorites:

Q: What should you do if you see your Mother-In-Law rolling around in pain on the ground?

A: Shoot her again.

wading thru the muck! · Post by **wading thru the muck!** » Sun Apr 10, 2005 6:33 am

Here is my favorite:

A patient says, "Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip. I was having dinner with my MIL, and I wanted to say, "Could you please pass the butter?" "But instead I said, "You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life."

Here's an honorable mentions:

Q: How many mothers-in-law does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. She just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around her.

I post these having never known my MIL, but my mother does her best to fill in for both of them.

LDuyer · Post by **LDuyer** » Sun Apr 10, 2005 6:35 am

Mikesus wrote:Found exactly what you need...

Hints tips, and dealing with your Mother In Law

Haha! Great link! I don't even have a MIL, but I loved it. And they even have a discussion board and chatroom for this? Hmm. Maybe that might be useful, huh?

You nut!
(and I mean that in the nicest possible way)

Linda