why me?

It sounds alittle obnoxious but I work hard all of my life as far as doing the right thing like eating right and exercising the whole bit and I find out I have to wear a mask on my face to breath for the rest of my life. I know I should just suck it up and deal with it but its just hard to accept I can't sleep like a normal person anymore. I find myself enving people who can get a restful nights sleep without this huge contraption on there face. I realize some people are dying of cancer and other horrible things and I thank God I am healthy but no one can tell me this isn't something you will just get used to and one day just sleep like a baby and not notice theres this uncomrortable contraption on your face, how can you really get a normal restful sleep when every time you shift postin you wake up because the hose gets tangled and you have to straighten it out. I just need to vent but really do people ever really get used to sleeping this way. I have kids and the only time I get a chance to talk to my wife is at night when we are lying in bed just before we fall asleep, its funny because as soon as I put my mask on I find a millon things to talk about with my wife and I can't because of this stupid antisocial breathing appartious.I realize I am being melodramatic but how do you deal with this, sleeping is such a natural thing and I was always a type of person who would look forward to going to sleep at night after a hard day at work, sometimes I regret having a sleep study . As you all know its just hard too accept. Sorry but I think its gonna be a long time before I just say to myself just put the dam thing on and go to sleep.

No one said this OSA therapy was easy. As MDs are more aware of the severity of it now the number of Pappers is increasing in droves. I was scared when first diagnosed but felt great with CPAP. Looking back I've probably been suffering from OSA for 15+ years. I felt like crap and was in a continuous fog(and I thought it was from too many Grateful Dead concerts ) I'm actually thrilled that my neurologist ordered a sleep study and the rest is history. I'm thankful that I was diagnosed-I believe that I would be having more medical issues if my OSA was still untreated. It's like that same old question-"is the glass half empty or half full"-you decide.

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What you are going through is perfectly natural. I went through it too...a time of sort of feeling sorry for oneself. It passes with time. I look forward to putting my mask on now. I associate it with good things because it is causing good things to happen.

It is normal to feel like this. I am 26 years old. I have my whole life ahead of me. I dont smoke, I dont drink. I take pretty good care of myself. (other than the weight gain in the past 3 years...I had a baby)

Then this. I am single. I also have a few reproductive issues....that as a woman made me feel like I couldnt even do the one thing a woman should be able to do. I had a baby.....but it took a huge amount of medical intervention just to keep from losing her.

Now I cant sleep and breath right either. I was angry. I was mad at my own body for betraying me yet again. I have a whole 50+ years left on this earth (hopefully) and I am stuck with this for all of it. I was angry, and frustrated, and hurt. It passed for the most part. Everytime I get asked out I think about it. Instead of wondering what to where on a date I wonder how this man might respond to my CPAP should we get that far. Its hard.

But it does pass. And yes....you do eventually get used to wearing this contraption to bed. I dont even notice it anymore. I fall asleep so fast now.....and I feel like I am alive for the first time in my life. You will get there. Dont feel bad for venting, we all need to sometimes.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds alittle obnoxious but I work hard all of my life as far as doing the right thing like eating right and exercising the whole bit and I find out I have to wear a mask on my face to breath for the rest of my life.

I sound a little obnoxious: Why not you?

<snip...> no one can tell me this isn't something you will just get used to and one day just sleep like a baby and not notice theres this uncomrortable contraption on your face, how can you really get a normal restful sleep when every time you shift postin you wake up because the hose gets tangled and you have to straighten it out.

OK. We won't. We'll give you tips about how to make it easier and more pleasant - but only when you really want to hear them.

I just need to vent but really do people ever really get used to sleeping this way.

Read the forum, and decide for yourself...

I have kids and the only time I get a chance to talk to my wife is at night when we are lying in bed just before we fall asleep, its funny because as soon as I put my mask on I find a millon things to talk about with my wife and I can't because of this stupid antisocial breathing appartious.

First time I've heard of masks making stupid antisocial decisions. You know, you could try taking off the mask and talking to your wife, instead of hating the mask for not letting you talk to her. You're in control, not the mask.

I realize I am being melodramatic but how do you deal with this, sleeping is such a natural thing and I was always a type of person who would look forward to going to sleep at night after a hard day at work, sometimes I regret having a sleep study . As you all know its just hard too accept.

We know no such thing, we know its very hard to accept. It's not too hard to accept.

Sorry but I think its gonna be a long time before I just say to myself just put the dam thing on and go to sleep.

Nobody can sleep with a damn thing on their face. Nobody here is expected "to put the damn thing on and go to sleep", and nobody here even tries that.

We sleep with something that helps us breathe better while we sleep, something that keeps us from choking, saves us from the other terrible diseases caused by the nightly lack of oxygen and fight for breath. We sleep with at least one friend.

We use this forum to find tips on how get used to what one member defined as "this new way of sleeping". And how to make it pleasant and comfortable.

And we have many friends here trying to help each other adapt to that new way of sleeping. We all know how difficult that is. We came here because we were frightened, frustrated, upset, angry. And we stick around because we feel better and want to help others - I hope you'll decide to join us.

When you get over your anger, register and join the club!
O.

You're not the first who gave in to this kicking and screaming, but at least you're here instead of saying "Screw this." The cpap world is full of those whose resentment (and denial) caused them to walk away from the very thing that could restore their life. As with any loss there are stages of grief. An aspect of your life is no longer as you knew it, and that's a loss. Us telling you how much you'll gain probably won't mean much to you right now. You've just gotta sort thru these emotions.

I have always feared blurting out some platitude when offering condolences to those who have suffered a loss, and are new to loss of great magnitude. Having suffered a few myself, I generally just say, "I'm sorry you have to go through this. It must feel unbearable right now. I'm here as long as you need me." It's my way of saying that things will get better without minimizing what they are experiencing. But I usually reserve that for when there's been a death.

To you, my friend, I'll just say, "Ya gotta do what ya gotta do. Figure out how to deal with this, then get on with your life." Oh, and we're here for you while you make the adjustments.

Kathy

Quote:
<snip...> no one can tell me this isn't something you will just get used to and one day just sleep like a baby and not notice theres this uncomrortable contraption on your face, how can you really get a normal restful sleep when every time you shift postin you wake up because the hose gets tangled and you have to straighten it out

It's possible to get use to the idea of going to sleep each night with this leaf blower like contraption blowing air into your face, but much harder getting use to the consequences if you don't pursue the treatments of cpap, We all have at some time said this just isn't normal sleeping like this, and why me type of thinking, but giving it thought and a little patience, and reading the many posts of this forum, we look for encouragement and any ideas to help make us compliant. Example look at the amounts of masks cpap users will buy,or try just to make this trip more comfortable, trick is patience and research and you will get there, try not being so hard on yourself, register so we won't have to refer to you as just guest, your profile will help members know what kind of equipment you are using, and might be helpful in helping you settle in to this new way o sleeping. Peace be to you.
Ed

Welcome Guest,

Yep, after 19 months I still feel like you do. But then I think the alternative (no cpap) is total hell.

Which mask are you using? I use the Hybrid mask and have used Swift nasal pillows and F&P 432 traditional full face mask and can talk (but sounds a little funny) while I am wearing any of them. The only time I could not talk was when I was taping my mouth.

See also: viewtopic.php?p=113298#113298.

Why don't you sign up as a member and fill out the equipment profile. Misery loves company.

Rooster

Yeah, it sucks. Here you are, healthy as a horse, and someone says you gotta wear this contraption to bed for the rest of your life.

Give some thought to how long you wanna have a healthy heart, how long you wanna get by w/no diabetes, no strokes, no heart attacks. How long you wanna be able to eat what you want w/o excessive weight gain. Do you wanna be a healthy 50 or 55 or do you wanna put up w/your body starting to fall apart on you? As a matter of fact, as I remember my husband reaching 45-50 I remember how many times he came home from work and told me about someone else being hauled out of work on a stretcher due to a heart attack. And I remember how many did NOT come back to work! I remember 45-55 being a VERY DANGEROUS age for his fellow male workers and friends. Apparently HEALTHY fellow workers and friends. And these were men doing PHYSICAL work, not sitting on their duff at a desk job.

So don't put the mask on the minute you go to bed. Don't put it on until you feel yourself nodding off. And if something pops into your head that you wanna tell your wife - hey, these masks aren't THAT hard to take off and put back on. Matter of fact, w/many masks, you don't have to take the mask off, just turn the xPAP off.

We sure hope you will "bite the bullet", register, tell us in your profile what machine and mask you are using and what pressure(s) and maybe we can help you "beat the beast" w/some suggestions.

It's all a matter of perspective. You hit upon it regarding cancer and horrible things ... and we generally take a lot of our daily lives for granted such that we don't miss things until they are taken away from us. Imagine how the Iraqi civilians feel now that they have only 2 hours of electricity a day, poor water/sewage service or none at all, and worst of all your family members/friends shot up and blown up on a daily basis (enough to make anyone have a bad hair day).

I too have worked hard all of my life and continue to do so despite continual obstacles being thrown up in front of me ... I think that is just the "reality of life". I'm just not ready to take a chance and see if there is an easier way in paradise, heaven, the after-life, or whatever people want to call it. If you have always done the right thing all of your life ... not worry as you will likely continue to do so. Join our group, become a member, and you will learn to deal with the new change in lifestyle and get used to it as we have done and/or are doing.

" I work hard all of my life as far as doing the right thing like eating right and exercising the whole bit"

Here's another way to look at it.
I work hard all of my life as far as doing the right thing like eating right and exercising the whole bit... and watched my weight, blood pressure, cholesterol, fatigue increase in spite of that. SO FRUSTRATING.
Now, I'm still doing all the right things AND I'm seeing results with decreased weight, BP, cholesterol, heartrate, fatigue. It's a mighty good feeling.

Shari

I am not a cpap user, but my husband is. I can probably give you a peek into your wife's feelings. Until my hubby became compliant on his cpap his symptoms of Sleep Apnea were 1) tearing us apart 2) leading him down the road of high blood pressure and possibly stroke or heart attack. He had to have a stress test one week before his sleep study because of his BP and he was having chest pains.

My DH is only 44 yrs old, in fabulous shape, not overweight, and doesn't snore. But during the past 15yrs+ he has suffered anxiety, depression, mental FOG, severe fatigue and in the past year ED, and now high blood pressure along with chest pains. ALL of this is from Sleep Apnea.

The symptoms only get worse over the years that SA is not treated. So when I see my hubby with his chin strap on and that "contraption" on his head and face I smile and know he is on the road to recovery and a life like he never dreamed of!!

I am sure if your wife does the research and educates herself about SA she will support you 100%. Try to concentrate on the positive changes that will happen in your life when you become compliant on your "friend", your cpap machine.

Sincerely,
Christy

I'm newly diagnosed although I have had this all my life and known I had it for many years. I finally asked for the sleep study because my health has deteriorated so badly over the last ten years. I'm tired of rationing my energy. Tired of paying for it for days if I don't. Tired of the aches and pains. Tired of the heart palpitations. Tired of the overpowering fatigue that sometimes hits without warning so that I have to stop whatever I am doing and immediately and go to sleep.

I too was athletic, ate well and had a body that rivaled anyone within ten yeas of my age. At age 40 I was consistently hit on by 20 somethings. All that changed almost overnight. In ten years I have gained 35 lbs in spite of diet and exercise. It is called metabolic disease and it can be cause by insufficent sleep. I was diagnosed with a heart problem that is made worse by insufficient sleep. I developed asthma and my regular allergies have gotten worse so that I now have to take medicine daily, something I didn't have to do before. I have had some neurological problems that required surgery. I have horrible muscle spasms because I do not get into any kind of restorative sleep. i cannot even walk arund the block without my legs feeling like I am dranging them around encased in 50lb bags of wet cement. Fortunately my brain still works very well but without treatment that could go too.

Yes I thought about the fact that I would be tethered to a machine for the purpose of normal sleep for the rest of my life and I thought about how unfair it was also. something that should be so natural has become something so unnatural. But for me those thoughts were brief and totally overpowered by the hope of getting my life and my health back. So what I have to say to you is.. don't use it and when you get to the same place I am at healthwise you will see the machine as a blessing and not as a contraption. Or use it and never risk getting here at all.

At age 40 I was consistently hit on by 20 somethings.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.....and you must be Brad Pitt.

Guest,
For the past 2 weeks, I've sat in an 8 hour a day workshop at a table with a 28 year old woman who's 30 year old husband recently started CPAPPing. She's thrilled and says it doesn't bother her at all. He's stopped snoring and gasping through the night. They're even planning to start a family very soon. Her attitude conveys to me that they both are content with this new addition to their lives
As for my own story, my husband thinks my gasping began about 30 years ago. It's too bad that I wasn't able to have my little air machine back then. The transformation in my life is stunning.
It would be good for you to read the messages on this board as often as you can. This group of people is unbelievably helpful, sympathetic, and knowledgeable.

Jane