Depressed with Sleep Apnea Diagnosis

I am returning next week to visit with the sleep doctor, and am depressed and angry about my diagnosis of severe sleep apnea. I have two medical conditions that cause me to live in chronic pain and constant fatigue, and resent that I must now deal with a third diagnosis that also requires hit-or-miss therapy. In addition, I have gained about 20 pounds during the past year, and my husband hasn't wanted to be intimate with me for over a year and a half. Wearing CPAP masks is not going to help the intimacy issue, and I am so embarrassed I plan to move to the guest bedroom. I cry every day and will probably lose it at the doctor's office next week. I ran out crying last time. To top it off, I am a diehard tummy sleeper, so will probably have an especially difficult time adjusting. I'm not sure how to get out of this funk. I consider suicide daily.

Cpap is the GOLD STANDARD---not "hit or miss".
You may be surprised how much treating your apnea could help alleviate your other conditions.
The more we know about our health, the better we can treat it.
This diagnosis should not make you angry--but give you HOPE.
Cpap has turned my life around--and has done so for many others.

Please look at your private messages...

From everything I have read, CPAP is definitely hit-or-miss... changes in machines, changes in mask types, changes in pressure settings, temperatures, and humidity... dealing with aerophagia, lines and abrasions in my face, hair loss, worsening dry mouth and eyes (which my autoimmune condition already causes) and it's probably the nail in the coffin when it comes to ever having sex with my husband again, too.

I'm so sorry you're feeling depressed and angry. As others have said, your diagnosis give you a key that might unlock better sleep for you, along with better long-term health.

Some people take to CPAP right away; most of us don't. There can indeed a period of fine-tuning and problem-solving, but it's a matter of getting the treatment to work at its best for your unique set of habits, your unique facial contours, your unique airway. Right now, it must seem incredibly daunting to see problem-solving in your future, especially if connective tissue disease and other illnesses are sapping your energy and resolve.

It's pretty unlikely that you'll have to wrestle with all the potential problems you've listed. You may need to wrestle with none. And keep in mind that if you want it, you have a community here on the forum that would be delighted to help you figure things out by drawing on a big store of collective experience.

Do you have a friend or family member who could go with you to your next doctor's appointment? Sometimes having an extra set of ears can be a big help. And if you know the questions you want to ask, your companion can help make sure they get asked and answered.

Your relationship with your husband sounds difficult, CPAP or no CPAP. Any chance the two of you can see a therapist of some kind? Or if he won't go, maybe you could?

Hang in there, and do keep us posted, would you?

Pineapples4Life wrote: ↑

Sun Jul 09, 2023 10:04 am

From everything I have read,

Spot on with the biggest problem with 'the internet', you have easy access to all sorts of contradictory information, you can find anything and everything.

The trick is to know what is garbage, and what is gold.

Pineapples4Life wrote: ↑

Sun Jul 09, 2023 10:04 am

CPAP is definitely hit-or-miss...

Well, you've made up your mind, I won't waste my time trying to educate you by disabusing your incorrect assumptions.

If it’s any consolation I use a CPAP and haven’t had problems with any of the issues you worry about, the problems you list are the exception not the rule and even if they do happen most are solvable. Also consider that online forums can make rare issues seem more prevalent because the many cpap users who never have any struggles feel no need to seek out an online forum.
A sibling of mine has Sjogren’s so I understand how difficult living with an Autoimmune condition can be. Drying out of the eyes and mouth can happen with cpap but it’s typically the result of leaks which can be resolved. In all likelihood if you find the right well fitting mask you shouldn’t have to worry about worsening dry mouth and eyes. Oftentimes cpap usage can actually improve dry mouth because it lessens the need to mouth breathe while sleeping. Before I started cpap every morning I would wake up with a horrendously dried out mouth and horrible sore throat. The cpap opens up my airway so I can finally breathe thru my nose at night, no more dry mouth and sore throats in the morning it’s wonderful!

I’m sorry that you are dealing with marital difficulties and so many chronic health issues, the addition of OSA must be overwhelming to contemplate. I hope you have a trusted mental health provider you can lean on and encourage you to reach out to a professional to help get you through this difficult time. If you don’t have a mental health provider please call a suicide help line today, they can connect you with resources to help. I wish my stepbrother had reached out to a professional for help before that horrific day when he decided a barrel of a gun held more promise then the dawn of a new day. We are often our own worst critics. I wish my stepbrother was able to see himself through my eyes and the eyes of those who loved him. Please reach out to someone you trust!

Please keep coming here as you progress through your cpap journey, there are many knowledgeable people here who can help you solve any issues if the need arises. Most of all please take care of yourself! I hope tomorrow is a brighter day!