uncomfortable sharing a room?

sharon1965 · Post by **sharon1965** » Thu Mar 15, 2007 8:44 pm

hi everyone
i've been on cpap for 10 weeks now, going reasonably well, wearing the mask every night all night...the easy part is that my hubby mostly works midnights-weekends can be a challenge, but they always have been since we're both used to having the bed to ourselves...but now he's actually getting sleep when he's home, since i'm sleeping more quietly...my point is that while i'm hooked up, looking funky in my comfortlite 2 and snoozing away, no one has to see me, for the most part..but in may i have to go to ottawa for a 4 day 3 night conference with my coworkers and our boss expected 8 of us to share 4 rooms...the agency i work for is paying for travel, accommodation and food expenses as well as the workshops at the conference, which is all very nice, but only 3 of the women are totally ok with sharing, one says she'd rather have her own room and the other 3 are adamant about bunking alone...that just leaves me...under normal circumstances i wouldn't be too jazzed about sharing, come on, i have to work with these women, but i guess i'd suck it up... but on top of that i don't feel like worrying all night if my machine is keeping someone up, if my mask freaks them out, if my mouth happens to drop open and make that awful cryptkeeper sound and if my frequent trips to the bathroom will be disruptive...the unfortunate part is that bunking alone means paying for the room, around $500.00...am i being unreasonable about wanting to go it alone? am i being too precious? does anyone else feel like it's one thing for spouse/partner/significant other to see you snorkeling but coworkers is another? anyone else had this dilemma?
thanks for your input
sharon1965

Snoredog · Post by **Snoredog** » Thu Mar 15, 2007 8:58 pm

I worked for this great little company out here in California for many years, it was bought out by this Wakesha Wisconsin company called ETC.

First thing they said to us after taking over, was hand over your company American Express cards we used for travel. Then they said you now have to pay for that on your own credit card and submit expense reports for reimbursement. Then they gave you a daily per diem allowance for rental car, hotel and meals, they wanted us to stay in Motel6's and take buses to see our clients, they thought nothing of us staying away from our families and staying in dumpy hotels to save them a dime them cheap bastards, and it went down hill from there.

As employees that traveled 3 weeks out of the month, the only thing we could figure out them initials stood for was Every Thing Cheap company. We all left and they eventually shut down the California operation, we used to do 10.5 mil a year in sales, that company combined don't do 2 now.

All I can say is if am employer wanted me to be away from my family on business, deal with all the hassles of today's travel, then bunk up with others because they are a cheap slime ball company, I'd tell them to stick their travel plans and company where the sun don't shine just as I did with ETC.

kteague · Post by **kteague** » Thu Mar 15, 2007 9:10 pm

Sharon,
I have passed on going to such events a few times because I felt it wasn't fair to burden roommates with my machine noise, erratic up & down sleep patterns, and legs flailing like a wild woman with the PLMD. Just recently I broke down and roomed with a long-time friend overnite at a conference. Turns out I was worried without cause. Her restless seeing eye dog woke me up more than my machine woke her, and the next day she still thought I was beautiful. (She always jokingly says if you get on the wrong side of her, she'll make you real ugly.)

If this event is mandatory, I would think they would make appropriate accomodations - if not for your privacy's sake, for the others. You could ask the others you'd be rooming with how they would do with it. Maybe they'll say don't worry 'bout it, or even better, maybe there will be so many requesting private rooms you'll end up in one by default. In the end, just apologize in advance if anyone's sleep is disturbed, as a courtesy offer them some disposable earplugs, and then hope they don't snore. I doubt anyone will resent you personally. Who sleeps good on these trips anyway? Otherwise, I hope you have $500 to spare. It would be a major adjustment for me if the coworkers weren't also friends. Good luck.

Kathy

Bookbear · Post by **Bookbear** » Thu Mar 15, 2007 9:34 pm

Hmmmmm...several issues here. Your employer (or your prospective room mate) cannot reasonably or legally insist that you NOT to use your cpap. It's a medical requirement for your health. If this conference is mandatory, you probably have a good case for their footing the bill for a separate room. On the other paw, it depends on how much you want to push the issue. Insisting on this may open you up to their finding that you 'cannot adequately do your job' due to a disability and that might mean changing your job. Companies find creative ways around ADA regulations what with the weakened enforcement of them these days.

I DO think you should let at least prospective roomies know about the cpap and the noise it makes. That's only fair. You could offer them a good set of disposable ear plugs. (I'm not joking.) A portable white noise machine is also an option. Someone who is "put off" by the looks of the mask really has other issues that are not your problem!

Good luck!

Julie · Post by **Julie** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 4:13 am

Why not just offer to pay the difference between the joint room and a private one - that seems reasonable to me.

bdp522 · Post by **bdp522** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 4:59 am

I think it is terrible that your boss would force employees to share a room. It's one thing to work with these people all day and another to share your bedroom with them.
That being said, I would opt to pay for my own room. If you can't afford that; speak to your co-workers about the machine and see if anyone is willing to share a room with you. You could tape your mouth for the night to avoid some of the noise. Put a clean towel on the floor for the machine to sit on and put it on the side of the bed away from the other person.
Then I'd start looking for a job with a more reasonable employer.

Brenda

roster · Post by **roster** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 5:28 am

I don't want to sleep in the same room with a business colleague at all - even if I weren't using cpap.

No, you are not being unreasonable to want your own room (my opinion of course). $500 - wow that's a lot to pay on your own. I would not do it if the work is for a for-profit organization.

Good luck in getting a reasonable resolution.

_________________

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sharon1965 · Post by **sharon1965** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 5:38 am

hey all
thanks for the input...i work for a non profit agency, so i empathize with my boss, especially since our municipality pays for two people to go on this thing and the rest comes out of our sadly depleted coffers...having said that, i agree with those who feel that we shouldn't have to bunk with co-workers, it's just weird...i did talk to one of my coworkers, and asked her to be really honest,and she said she doesn't sleep well normally so she would find it really disruptive...

and to be honest, i don't remember anyone asking me if i even wanted to go! if so, i would do what kteague has done and just say thanks, but no thanks, too much for me to manage...especially since we have to drive 8 hours in a 10 passenger van, and with my fibromyalgia that's bad enough, but i also get really car sick...yeah, i know, i'm a barrel of laughs!

to julie, i hear ya, i assumed i'd just have to pay the difference, but for some reason i was getting the distinct impression that she was saying, 'i'm booking 2 rooms, then, the rest of you are on your own', which was surprising, since i think the people who opted not to share figured she'd just divide the rest of the room budget among them...she's an awesome boss most of the time, but sometimes if she doesn't get her way she gets a burr up her butt...control freak...what's ironic is that this woman has serious privacy issues, and even told me herself that if she had to room with me the cpap would make her nuts

well, i have to go to work today and i'm the one who has to book the rooms, so we'll see how this all plays out

thanks again, everyone

tangents · Post by **tangents** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 8:28 am

Hi Sharon,
I'm new to CPAP, but not to business travel. Assuming that you want to go to this (and in my opinion, training is always worthwile in today's job market), here's what I'd do. I would book the rooms in a place that has 2-bedroom suites. With your door closed, I doubt your CPAP will bother anyone. I totally feel that it's nobody's business what you look like while you're sleeping.
I hope it works out for you. Traveling away from your family is always stressful to begin with.

Cathy

Wulfman · Post by **Wulfman** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 9:03 am

sharon1965 wrote:....the other 3 are adamant about bunking alone....

Sounds like you're not alone..... What are THEY going to do?
And, with the way you described your boss' privacy issues, I wouldn't think there would be a serious problem with getting your own room, too.
OR.....
Find out which one has serious snoring issues.....they probably won't hear your machine.
or.....
Find out who's the lightest sleeper.....maybe they'll let you have a separate room NEXT time.

Good luck and best wishes,

Den

Bearded_One · Post by **Bearded_One** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 9:09 am

Do you snore? If your roommate complains you could give your roommate two options; you use your CPAP machine, or you snore. Actually, I wouldn't worry about it, normally the air conditioner would be louder than a CPAP.

ready2sleep · Post by **ready2sleep** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 9:12 am

I can sympathize with you. When my husband got on cpap, I was so uncomfortable. I would lay there and wait until he went to sleep and sneak out downstairs. I was just uncomfortable. Well in the sphere of things, I was "punished" for that attitude. I went to my rheumatologist and i to ended up on cpap. I still dont sleep through the night with mine on, but I have had to learn to deal with it. I still wait for my husband to turn the light out and the tv off before I will mask up. My adult children dont know that I mask up every night, they know about their father, but not about me. I know I shouldnt be embarassed, but I am.

sharon1965 · Post by **sharon1965** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 10:19 am

well, it turns out that our boss is planning to divide the remainder of the hotel budget among the 4 people who are going it alone, so they'll only have to pay about $200 each...now i'm really peeved

there was one woman who said she'd prefer her own room but would share, and somehow my boss decided she has to go with her first preference...how did that happen? i'll never know...for some reason she is determined that i share a room...i can see that she needs one more person, otherwise the 3rd woman who wants to share would end up alone by default, but it seems to me that the one who said either way worked for her should be sharing...so now i'm stuck sharing a room with the poor girl who was honest enough to say she would have a hard time sleeping with me...one of these days i'm going to grow some kahoonas and be assertive when i need to be!

well, that's my sad update...i'm going to have to just accept it now, since i didn't speak up ...thought i did, but that's one of my boss's talents...she always manages to have things go the way she wants them to, and you sit there wondering how it happened!

thanks again for your input, guys

tangents · Post by **tangents** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 10:20 am

It really is a private thing, and while I love how the forum members poke fun at their plumbing, others probably wouldn't understand. I know that if I couldn't at least have my own bedroom, I wouldn't go.

Ready2sleep, I hope you change your mind about CPAP being a punishment. We all have crosses to bear, and in the "sphere of things", this one is pretty light! I hope your nights become more restful. Maybe remembering the love of your family and the ability to join them in daily life will ease you into restful sleep. Good luck to you.

neverbetter · Post by **neverbetter** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 3:07 pm

My wife goes out of town for her company and she has had to share a room. she hates it, but I have never heard of the reason being her cpap.

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