Odd request... only reason I can think of for APNEA being a good thing.

Just wanted to post a follow up. My Dad's body is trucking right along with apneas and everything...

They moved him to another part of the hospital and were going to go spend a little time to monitor how he's doing each day.

We're trying as hard as we can to move forward as if he has passed but the conflict of having him still in the hospital in the state he is in now is hard to wrap our heads around.

We all said our goodbyes and have been helping my Mom deal with the cleanup at the house.

(Don't get-me wrong, if by some miracle of miracles he opens his eyes and asks for a sweet tea, I'll be doing cartwheels up and down the hospital hallways... and I dont even know how. (Its just we've seen the scans and talked with the doctors and there really isnt any reason to think this will have a happy ending)

Just wanted to let you all know how things were progressing or not progressing... per say...

Thanks again for your thought and prayers, they mean a lot.

Rest well,

Gryphon

My thoughts and prayers are headed your way for you, your family, and your dad...

Transitions are difficult and transitions with parents are difficult. Take good care of your mom.

my prayers for you and your family. We lost my Mother in Law on Sept 30, 2018. This was the first Thanksgiving and Christmas without her. It is still painful. She had alzheimers for over 20 years and at the end she contracted pneumonia and there was nothing more that could be done for her. She had been living in a nursing home for a year. In the end, she could no longer eat or drink. They put her on life support until family who wanted to, could gather together to pay their last respects. They gave her morphine under her tongue since she couldn't swallow, in the biggest does allowed & also on the schedule allowed so that she could go as quickly & peacefully as possible. Even after removing life support, It was several hours before she passed, so be prepared for a very long wait. Some of us spent the entire day & night in the nursing home with her. We had the same feelings you did, so don't feel guilty that you are hoping Sleep apnea will help speed things along. In my mother in law's case, her dementia was so bad her quality of life was not good, and she is in a better place now.

Update -

He's lost a lot of weight and they don't think he'll last much longer. He qualified for in hospital hospice and his employer extended his insurance to make sure it's covered so my Mom's not going to get hit with a crazy bill. It's things like that were you think.. gee how self centered and selfish are we - worrying about money at a time like this... but still didn't want my mom to be financially ruined - just would add insult to injury. The part of the hospital he's in right now is where he's stayed for a lot of his recovery for knee operations and other things that he had done so the nurses all know him and are treating him with a great deal of care. The nurse who's in charge of the hospice program was a former student of my Mom's and they had a nice meeting. She really liked my mom. They're taking good care of my Dad.

I've been spending as much time with my Mom and other visiting family as possible, with little breaks with me and my wife for our own mental health... It's strange - lots of mixed feelings when going through my Dad's stuff... It's going to take us years to go through everything in that house. I'm not kidding "Years"

Having things like his clothes - since we're almost the same size for things like coats and gloves... is both weird and comforting at the same time. I had a pair of ski gloves I loved - but he loved them more - so he bugged me all the time, telling me how much he liked them, till I broke down and gave them to him as an extra present for Christmas 14+ years ago. I found them in his closet tonight and tried them on... they still fit perfectly... I put those gloves on and thought of holding his hands, still warm, when I was sitting with him in the hospital.

There is so much stuff of his that I'm going to wind up with... it's going to be a good thing and a bad thing with a lot of it. So many memories...

I'm not good at stuff like this... not like any of us are. I'm not sure how to process everything that's happened. With him being in this "In-between" state for all this time... I keep having these thoughts like he's going to call me up on the phone and invite me and my wife out for dinner like he used to, or ask me to help him with some tech problem or come to the house to fix something. I catch my self when I think of "Mom & Dad's House" when it's going to just be "Mom's House" from now on... all the little things. I was very close to my parents, we had/have a very big house, when my "Mom's parents" were living with us, we built that house our selves with my Dad's father as the contractor. I lived there in the in-law suit till me and my wife got our own house just 14 min up the road, we spent a lot of time with them and I'll continue to spend a lot of time there... it's all just very surreal...

Hope everyone is doing well.

Thanks again for all of you who have responded and are thinking of me and my family.

Rest well,

Gryphon

Gryphon wrote: ↑

Sun Jan 13, 2019 1:50 am

Update -

He's lost a lot of weight and they don't think he'll last much longer. He qualified for in hospital hospice and his employer extended his insurance to make sure it's covered so my Mom's not going to get hit with a crazy bill. It's things like that were you think.. gee how self centered and selfish are we - worrying about money at a time like this... but still didn't want my mom to be financially ruined - just would add insult to injury.

better to think about it now, instead of facing financial devastation later.

Stop putting yourselves down for being practical, and smart, and strong, and not just sitting around wringing your hands and going "oh woe is us!"

Gryphon wrote: ↑

Sun Jan 13, 2019 1:50 am

worrying about money at a time like this

It's not your fault that the world works that way. It HAS to be a concern.

Gryphon wrote: ↑

Sun Jan 13, 2019 1:50 am

little breaks with me and my wife for our own mental health

Important, that.

Gryphon wrote: ↑

Sun Jan 13, 2019 1:50 am

It's going to take us years to go through everything in that house.

No rush. Especially for Mom. Best done at whatever pace she is comfortable with.

Gryphon wrote: ↑

Sun Jan 13, 2019 1:50 am

catch my self when I think of "Mom & Dad's House" when it's going to just be "Mom's House" from now on

It can still be Mom and Dad's house. No catch needed, IMO.

Thanks for the update. And for your good example to us all.

Re: all the clothes, if you have a quilt maker in the family my mother in law made little lap blankets for all of the grand children out of my father in laws silk ties and nice shirts. My friend doesn't make quilts but she wanted something made out of her dads old blue jeans. She found a place that makes these cute little bears and is having them made up out of the jeans.

My thoughts and prayers have been with you, Gryphon ~~~

Your posts show such strength, wisdom and compassion. The best of human nature. I am so glad to hear that your father is getting top rate care.

This may be too personal of a question but it's been on my mind since the first post in this thread. I understand if you don't want to answer ... but ... I wondered if your father has a living will?

I ask because I am asked - almost monthly - to fill out a living will. I always take copies of it and promise that I will look at it and fill it out and bring it back "next time" ...but I never do. In fact, I can't bring myself to even look at it.

When I was first diagnosed it was chaos. I was in my 40s (passing for 30s) and in optimum physical health. The whole nightmare from finding the cancer to the surgeries and getting port installed and starting on chemo was all within a few days.

I guess they handed me the paperwork (I don't remember doing it) and I just scribbled on it "DON'T LET ME DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WILL FIGHT THIS AND SURVIVE !!!!" It's scribbled HUGE on the papers,- clearly ignoring the specific questions - tons of exclamation points, and a signature. (and I think a crying smiley/sad face). I was seriously in denial, shock ... and triggered my Type A, Aries, aggressive battle mode. I had never been in a hospital before overnight. Only for a few broken bones caused by risk taking and not accidents.

So, they really would prefer a more sane set of paperwork ... and I am a bit saner now. (some days) ...but I atill can't bring myself to do it.

I wasn't on CPAP at the time and I have no idea if one of the questions on the Living Will addressed CPAP specifically?

However, you sharing your father's story here has brought up a lot of emotions and valid questions for *me* about the Living Will.
...and most likely for others as well ~~~ as dying is something we ALL SHARE ... something WE ALL HAVE IN COMMON.

Gryphon, These questions of insurance and finance and Living Wills are so incredibly difficult. Which is why your composure under these amazingly difficult times is so moving and admirable.


God Bless your father and YOU and all of your family ~~~ may The Spirit bring you peace and comfort.

I agree with chunky frogs comment I sat with my mother a long time while she had been unresponsive. No apnea though. I told her she did a great job raising me and my brother and she was free to go Dad. We would be fine. She left in a minute or two.

Just wanted to put this thread to rest... Last update for this.

My Dad passed away peacefully day before yesterday. I've been trapped in his office digging through 50+ photo albums and 20+ boxes of loose photos trying to put a memorial together for him. Me and my Sister have been working as a team going through, reminiscing a bit, but trucking right along to get things scanned into the computer. I'm going to be spending the rest of the day and part of tomorrow to finish the presentation.

We have all our funeral arrangements made and all of that has been set. Working together as a family has really helped so no one person felt the crushing weight of this all on their own. Trying the best we can to be there for our Mom as much as possible with out hovering too much. I think my Mom's going to go back to TX with my Sister and her family for now... I'm going to make trips to the house to take care of the puppies and check on mail and stuff like that to hold down the fort. Also going to try and do some cleaning and make things look a little less... "not sure" Less like my Dad's still there. At least with some of the clutter stuff and we're going to work together to clean up as much of Dad's stuff as Mom wants us to, so when she comes back from TX there isn't a OMG look at all this stuff... rebound. We want her to be able to relax as much as she can and de-stress.

I want to think you all for the kind words and thoughts and prayers. They mean a lot, It's been good to have this here to look in on now and then. To know your not alone, that a lot of people all the time have deal with things like this, the collective experience helps manage the overwhelmingness of it all.

I still feel kind of numb... but I think things will work out more or less with time. I have his amazing camera, the one I always wanted, that I knew he would give me, just didn't expect to get it so soon. I'll be thinking about him when ever i'm taking pictures with it. Trying to take images that I know would make him proud.

Thanks again to you all for being there.

Rest well,

Gryphon

Our thoughts are with you.

On one hand I am sad to hear this...

On the other hand I am rejoicing...

May your Dad rest in peace. Take care of yourself and your family and accept the hole in your heart from your Dad moving on.

May your dad rest in peace.