My Father

CSA0890 · Post by **CSA0890** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 9:37 pm

I've was wondering if anyone has any suggestions on how I could get my dad to get a sleep study. If there was ever someone in need of a CPAP it would be him. He snores like a freight train, stops breathing for at least 15 seconds per minute, extremely irritable during the day, high blood pressure for years, and getting more stressed by the day. I've tried to tell him about the health risks, but he is about the most stubborn person in the world. I just got my sleep study done and cant wait to start treatment. After reading on this website for about two or three weeks im anxious for the benefits. I would appreciate anyones expertise in dealing with mules.

dsm · Post by **dsm** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 9:52 pm

This can be mighty tough.

Sometimes the more you push, the more stubborn the attitude.

Do you know anyone who your father has great respect for who you can convince about the nature & benefits of cpap ?. If yes then work on a plan to get that person onside in a strong way & hope that they may break through the stubborness.

Good luck.

DSM

PS My mother used to snore so loudly that her young grandkids would bring their frinds around just to hear it & giggle.

My paraplegic brother once went to stay with her but on one night after hours of her snoring, and at 2am, he packed his wheelchair & himself in his car & went looking for a motel.

Mom never got diagnosed in regard to this obvious serious OSA

Mile High Sleeper · Post by **Mile High Sleeper** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 11:42 pm

I like DSM's idea. Resources for the respected advocate, and your father, if he would read them:

Click on the light bulb for Our Collective Wisdom and read the articles on

1) Evaluating Your Sleep. Has online quizzes your father could take to assess his situation before talking to a doctor.

2) Read The Seven Stages of CPAP. It sounds like your father is in the denial stage and needs to move into the realization stage. The trouble with OSA is that his judgement may be impaired and he may be unable to make a rational decision about whether to be tested.

3) For links for basic info on sleep apnea, read Selected Sleep Apnea Resources.

This is harsh: Does your father care about anyone, if he doesn't care about himself? How would he feel if his loved ones needed to care for him because he was incapacited by a stroke brought on by not treating sleep apnea? Or a life threatening heart condition or diabetes?

If he doesn't budge now, maybe after a few months your good example of treating your OSA will be a good influence on him.

Snoredog · Post by **Snoredog** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 11:52 pm

tell him it increases his libido

johnnygoodman · Post by **johnnygoodman** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 8:15 am

Greetings,

You might consider a service CPAP.com is currently beta testing. It is a bandaid style strip you wear for one night under your nose while you sleep and it screens for sleep apnea. Should results of the test merit, physicians working with CPAP.com can prescribe an APAP.

https://www.cpap.com/productpage/slp-sl ... study.html

This is harsh: Does your father care about anyone, if he doesn't care about himself? How would he feel if his loved ones needed to care for him because he was incapacited by a stroke brought on by not treating sleep apnea? Or a life threatening heart condition or diabetes?

That is harsh, please understand that he says such things because of the seriousness of the topic. If he has sleep apnea, all of his organs are strained and will eventually break as a result. It isn't if but when.

Johnny

sleepinginseattle · Post by **sleepinginseattle** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 8:20 am

Why worry about your father? I would get on with your treatment and enjoy the benefits of a good night's sleep.

If it were my child I'd worry but if your Dad is stubborn, I know the type all too well. You see, I'm that stubborn too. I waited 10 years to get a sleep study. I knew about the treatment and focused entirely on the negatives of wearing a mask to bed. It had been so long since I'd had a good night's sleep that I'd forgotten what it felt like to be rested. I muscled my body through each day, fighting off the sleep that came at midday and resigning to it each evening after dinner. The nights got worse, not all at once but in a painful progression to which I struggled to adapt.

Being in the sort of sleep deprived state your Father is in will only increase his reluctance to seek treatment. What he needs is a break, a mental coffee break if you will. Can you get him to take a vacation? Or maybe if he can get out once a day for a walk. Even a plan to visit a coffee shop together on a regular basis. Just a casual no pressure environment away from his usual surroundings. Let him bring up the subject of your treatment. If he enjoys these breaks and gets more relaxed, he'll want to know how you're doing and you can casually remark, "It has changed my life." Let him draw his own conclusions about what it could mean to him.

At least that's my $.02.

jum001 · Post by **jum001** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 8:39 am

Afraid I am usually a lurker but only because others seem to have said it better by the time I have a reply.

In this case, I have a brother and a mother who definitely have sleep apnea. Both are stubborn, almost as stubborn as I am! I started telling them how much better I felt after starting CPAP rather than telling them they should do it. Has worked for my mother (she started therapy last week) but the brother is still a hold out. Will keep trying since I would miss him a lot.

Wulfman · Post by **Wulfman** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 9:11 am

CSA0890,

Would it be possible for you to videotape your father so he can see for himself what's going on when he's asleep?

or

Could you get him to sit down at your computer (on this forum) so we could have a chat with him?

Does he ever go to a doctor?

"Stubbornness" CAN be a virtue.....but in this case it isn't. It sounds like it's already taking a toll on his health.....and it'll only get worse if he doesn't do something about it.....and the sooner the better. The therapy is not that expensive or troublesome compared to the eventual consequences.

Good luck,

Den

DreamStalker · Post by **DreamStalker** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 10:24 am

My dad was very stubborn too. Perhpas you need to approach it from the perspective of what it is your father enjoys about life and living longer.

- r

CSA0890 · Post by **CSA0890** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 12:05 pm

Thanks for replying everybody, I figure my best bet for getting him to go to a sleep study is for when I start my treatment( should be around next Friday ) once I start to feel better and more alive during the day I will broach the subject again and try to get him to go and see the doc. I tried the other day by telling him how much his "recent" behavioral changes are so symtimatic of OSA and the health risks of it. His reply was "well I'll go see the doctor here soon to have a sleep study" but I think that it was more to shut me up than anything else.
As far as a vacation, we are going deer hunting when the season opens in November here. I was wanting to try and camp out in the middle of the woods in a tent as far away from civilization and women as possible .I'll get him squared away eventually he just thinks it's apart of getting older and is normal (true but it can be avoided).
Thanks for everyones advice.

JPZeller · Post by **JPZeller** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 1:22 pm

I am one of those stubborn mule types, and I resisted mightily after a very unpleasant sleep study, despite the results that showed severe OSA.

I knew I had to do the therapy, but dragged my feet and let the threat of disability due to stroke percolate for a while.

My wife took the firm but gentle approach, and it worked - I started therapy, and immediately realized it was nothing at all like the sleep study.

So, I would recommend letting the person know just what the risks are, let that sink in, and be very supportive of therapy.

Mask

My Father

My Father

father in denial