HELP ME!!
14 posts
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HELP ME!!
I was finally diagnosed correctly after 25 years of doctors telling me I had a hundred other medical problems, with severe sleep apnea. I have alot of questions, but the most urgent is, how do I explain to the man in my life that I have been suffering for many years, treating him and everyone else in a unloving way, due to this disorder??? I was extremely irritable, depressed, short with everyone. Now that I finally know why, he wont stick by me to give me a chance to show him I can be the same woman I was years ago, now that I have the CPAP machine and can finally sleep again??? During my sleep study, the longest stretch of actual sleep in 8 hours was 45 seconds!!! I do feel like a new person already, getting better each day, even though I have alot of problems w/the mask, but he is already searching for another home, brought home boxes to pack up and leave me. I keep trying to explain the seriousness of my disorder to him and how it affects every single aspect of my life, but I cant get him to understand the impact it has had on our relationship. He recently had a heart attack and I stuck by him through it all, supporting him in every way I could, but I dont think he understands that sleep apnea is just as serious as a heart attack, except with many more complications. Are there any books or articles available for me to give him to educate him on this serious issue, before he leaves and it is too late?????
If you can get him to read some of the posts on here, that might help. I don't claim to be a relationship expert, if my wife were not the fantastic woman she is, we'd never have made it (my own irritability quotient is pretty high).
I'd hope he'd be willing to give it a shot, but I can't think of any magic bullet. Ask him if he won't get on here and ask a few questions. The answers should tell him what you already know to be true (unless they come from me, in which case they'll tell him nothing, but possibly make him laugh).
Other than that, unfortunately I think the ball is in his court. You can only get him to go as far as he's willing. I hope for you that that's far enough.
Liam, who does not envy you. At all.
I'd hope he'd be willing to give it a shot, but I can't think of any magic bullet. Ask him if he won't get on here and ask a few questions. The answers should tell him what you already know to be true (unless they come from me, in which case they'll tell him nothing, but possibly make him laugh).
Other than that, unfortunately I think the ball is in his court. You can only get him to go as far as he's willing. I hope for you that that's far enough.
Liam, who does not envy you. At all.
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Janelle
Even if he were to do a search on the internet for sleep apnea he'd find a lot of articles that give the side effects, irritability, depression, drowsiness, short term memory loss, heart attacks, strokes, and the list goes on. This is a much more serious disease than most people think. How can he be sure his heart problem wasn't caused by sleep apnea?
But even after this, if he can't stick by you through this terrible time in your life, then maybe he isn't for you and you're better off without him.
Men are just very stubborn (sorry guys, but it's true) and often don't want to see the other side of the coin. They expect you to take care of them when they are sick, but can't turn around and help take care of you. That takes a very special man. And a man who isn't willing to at least learn about your disorder in order to understand, might not be worth the effort.
But even after this, if he can't stick by you through this terrible time in your life, then maybe he isn't for you and you're better off without him.
Men are just very stubborn (sorry guys, but it's true) and often don't want to see the other side of the coin. They expect you to take care of them when they are sick, but can't turn around and help take care of you. That takes a very special man. And a man who isn't willing to at least learn about your disorder in order to understand, might not be worth the effort.
I agree with everything you have to say, except the gender specificity. As a species, we're pretty stubborn. There's a reason a book called "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" sold so well.
But yes, I agree. It's painful to contemplate, but if someone won't stay by you through your trials, especially if you've stayed with them through theirs, then in the long run, they're not a person worth spending your time on anyway.
But let's focus on the positive, and hope that perhaps you can get him to look into things and give you another few months to turn it around.
Wishing you the best of luck!
Liam, who always thought MEN should have been from Venus, what with the rhyme and all.
But yes, I agree. It's painful to contemplate, but if someone won't stay by you through your trials, especially if you've stayed with them through theirs, then in the long run, they're not a person worth spending your time on anyway.
But let's focus on the positive, and hope that perhaps you can get him to look into things and give you another few months to turn it around.
Wishing you the best of luck!
Liam, who always thought MEN should have been from Venus, what with the rhyme and all.
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If not, you might meet a nice guy on here that does understand.
Mike Takes Foot Out of Mouth and says, "I was trying to be funny"
Seriously tho, get yourself better before trying to convince anyone else. If he wants space, maybe its a good idea not to stop him. Take a breather so to speak and when cooler heads prevail try again... I wish you the best.
Mike Takes Foot Out of Mouth and says, "I was trying to be funny"
Seriously tho, get yourself better before trying to convince anyone else. If he wants space, maybe its a good idea not to stop him. Take a breather so to speak and when cooler heads prevail try again... I wish you the best.
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Guest
hello,
Don't try to explain anything. Use your cpap every night. As you begin to have more energy and feel better about yourself it will show. It will soon be obvious that you were not yourself for a long time. Then some day the light bulb will light up above their head and they will understend. Just keep up with your treatment. Don't expect miricles from them right now. Things will work out.
Waverly
Don't try to explain anything. Use your cpap every night. As you begin to have more energy and feel better about yourself it will show. It will soon be obvious that you were not yourself for a long time. Then some day the light bulb will light up above their head and they will understend. Just keep up with your treatment. Don't expect miricles from them right now. Things will work out.
Waverly
Hi Peggy,
Having had depression and Delayed Sleep phase Syndrome for many years along with OSA now has had it's toll on me. You do want others to understand you and work with you, but you should love yourself first and take care of you first.
All you can do really is to tell him about your condition and make him understand about the problems it bring along, but the rest is up to him. I have had the same issue in my relationship and it has come down to the fact that they also have a choice. They either can accept you and love you the way you are. They might also not be able to handel or accept it either.
Please don't blame yourself either. It's not your fault, by you are responsible to treat yourself and feel better.
Best wishes.
Having had depression and Delayed Sleep phase Syndrome for many years along with OSA now has had it's toll on me. You do want others to understand you and work with you, but you should love yourself first and take care of you first.
All you can do really is to tell him about your condition and make him understand about the problems it bring along, but the rest is up to him. I have had the same issue in my relationship and it has come down to the fact that they also have a choice. They either can accept you and love you the way you are. They might also not be able to handel or accept it either.
Please don't blame yourself either. It's not your fault, by you are responsible to treat yourself and feel better.
Best wishes.
I don't do mornings !!!
Gender specificity
Hey Liam-
Was that-
If anyone is from Venus, why couldn't it have been us?
Was that-
If anyone is from Venus, why couldn't it have been us?
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Sleeping With The Enemy
- Posts: 454
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- Location: Minnesota
I'll give it a shot
Peggy,
I don't know all of the details of your relationship. I do know that the mood disorders you have been experiencing are very real and are directly related to OSA. I thought I was crazy, depressed, hypocondriac (sp?). Finally was diagnosed and now am sucking a hose every night.
But really, I was not married but lived with a man for about 5 1/2 years. We had lots of problems. I look back and some were due to my moods and some to the depression he had after his dad died of a heart attack (undiagnosed OSA, I guarantee it). One day when he went to work I moved out. I took almost everything. We already had one son and I was pregnant with our second son when I moved out. It took about 4 months or so before he finally got his head out of his butt and realized what he was missing. Well we both finally realized that if we wanted things to work there was going to be lots of changes especially with our thinking.
I married that man and moved back home after 13 months of being separate. He is my best friend and some people say he is my Jesus with skin on. He loves me unconditionally. I had never had that in my life and I certainly am not that great at it considering the family I grew up in, but I am learning.
What I am trying to say is don't be afraid of him moving out, it may just take that for him to come to the end of himself and realize what he really wants. You concentrate on your health/sleep.
God grant me the serinity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
I hope this does not offend anyone, including you. Good luck and stay tuned into the support you will find here.
Heidi
I don't know all of the details of your relationship. I do know that the mood disorders you have been experiencing are very real and are directly related to OSA. I thought I was crazy, depressed, hypocondriac (sp?). Finally was diagnosed and now am sucking a hose every night.
But really, I was not married but lived with a man for about 5 1/2 years. We had lots of problems. I look back and some were due to my moods and some to the depression he had after his dad died of a heart attack (undiagnosed OSA, I guarantee it). One day when he went to work I moved out. I took almost everything. We already had one son and I was pregnant with our second son when I moved out. It took about 4 months or so before he finally got his head out of his butt and realized what he was missing. Well we both finally realized that if we wanted things to work there was going to be lots of changes especially with our thinking.
I married that man and moved back home after 13 months of being separate. He is my best friend and some people say he is my Jesus with skin on. He loves me unconditionally. I had never had that in my life and I certainly am not that great at it considering the family I grew up in, but I am learning.
What I am trying to say is don't be afraid of him moving out, it may just take that for him to come to the end of himself and realize what he really wants. You concentrate on your health/sleep.
God grant me the serinity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
I hope this does not offend anyone, including you. Good luck and stay tuned into the support you will find here.
Heidi
Hi
Peggy,
I think I agree with Heidi. Soon you may be feeling like your old wonderful self, plus some. Then he and everyone else will see what they're missing. And if he or they are smart, they'll offer their support just as you had offered yours. And if not, think of all the wonderful new people you will dazzle with your new old self. Enjoy your newfound self. And if you find yourself slipping and have a day or two when you think things are going wrong, remember you're on the right track/road, even if you hit a bump or two along the way. ......Now, remind me of what I've said, so I can take my own advice.
Linda
I think I agree with Heidi. Soon you may be feeling like your old wonderful self, plus some. Then he and everyone else will see what they're missing. And if he or they are smart, they'll offer their support just as you had offered yours. And if not, think of all the wonderful new people you will dazzle with your new old self. Enjoy your newfound self. And if you find yourself slipping and have a day or two when you think things are going wrong, remember you're on the right track/road, even if you hit a bump or two along the way. ......Now, remind me of what I've said, so I can take my own advice.
Linda
Re: I'll give it a shot
There has GOT to be a better way to phrase this.hhunt wrote:Finally was diagnosed and now am sucking a hose every night.
Liam, who would sing a chorus of HOSE-annas if he could just repeat last night's sleep with the mask on.
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Re: I'll give it a shot
If it won't get your hubby back it will probably get you dates thoLiam1965 wrote:There has GOT to be a better way to phrase this.hhunt wrote:Finally was diagnosed and now am sucking a hose every night.
Liam, who would sing a chorus of HOSE-annas if he could just repeat last night's sleep with the mask on.
There is a good book called ‘Phantom of the Night: Overcome Sleep Apnea Syndrome and Win Your Hidden Struggle to Breathe, Sleep, and Live.’
Giving your husband a copy of this may help him to understand both the nature and the scale of the problem.
It’s available from Amazon here: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/de ... s&n=507846
Hope it works out,
Gregg
Giving your husband a copy of this may help him to understand both the nature and the scale of the problem.
It’s available from Amazon here: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/de ... s&n=507846
This is the miracle of CPAP. In time (for some it’s immediate) you will indeed become the same woman you were. Explain to your husband that sleep apnea can be treated with remarkable success, and that you are lucky that the illness you have can be treated, others are less fortunate.peggyanne wrote:Now that I finally know why, he wont stick by me to give me a chance to show him I can be the same woman I was years ago, now that I have the CPAP machine and can finally sleep again???
Hope it works out,
Gregg
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Nenetx2004
- Posts: 144
- Joined: Thu Nov 11, 2004 1:01 pm
- Location: Albany, New York
Peggy Anne,
I can't add much more to what our fellow hose heads have said except that you can find an awful lot of support here. Everyone has been so helpful and really have come up with some great ideas for how to manage life with a mask. I really hope some day your man wakes up and realizes what a fool he had been. It makes you wonder if you'd been diagnosed with some other disease would he have run out on you then too.
My boyfriend suffers from depression and has been down the road with different medications. Like Liam, sometimes things can get really hairy. But the good things about him outweighed the dark times and I've been really blessed. He's also been very supportive when I've been down about the CPAP therapy (which may or may not happen with you).
Keep coming back to the board for support. This has been a true blessing for me.
Jeanne, who's going to call her boyfriend and tell him how much she loves him.....
I can't add much more to what our fellow hose heads have said except that you can find an awful lot of support here. Everyone has been so helpful and really have come up with some great ideas for how to manage life with a mask. I really hope some day your man wakes up and realizes what a fool he had been. It makes you wonder if you'd been diagnosed with some other disease would he have run out on you then too.
My boyfriend suffers from depression and has been down the road with different medications. Like Liam, sometimes things can get really hairy. But the good things about him outweighed the dark times and I've been really blessed. He's also been very supportive when I've been down about the CPAP therapy (which may or may not happen with you).
Keep coming back to the board for support. This has been a true blessing for me.
Jeanne, who's going to call her boyfriend and tell him how much she loves him.....
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14 posts
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