Well, it was fun while it lasted...

Glad you had a wonderful time with your dad...



The rest sucks.

HoseCrusher wrote:Glad you had a wonderful time with your dad...



The rest sucks.

Thanks, HoseCrusher. I'm glad, too.

And yes, the rest does suck... I tried to call Dad earlier this week; my mother answered (as always, as she controls everything) because she obviously didn't see the Caller I.D. identifying me. I asked for Dad, and she hung up on me. Tried to call again today (it's Father's Day, FFS) and got the machine (no doubt she saw my number on Caller I.D. this time and wouldn't answer); left a message asking her to have him call me. (I'm sure not holding my breath and will try again later, but I'm not optimistic at the moment...)

BleepingBeauty wrote:

HoseCrusher wrote:Glad you had a wonderful time with your dad...



The rest sucks.

Thanks, HoseCrusher. I'm glad, too.

And yes, the rest does suck... I tried to call Dad earlier this week; my mother answered (as always, as she controls everything) because she obviously didn't see the Caller I.D. identifying me. I asked for Dad, and she hung up on me. Tried to call again today (it's Father's Day, FFS) and got the machine (no doubt she saw my number on Caller I.D. this time and wouldn't answer); left a message asking her to have him call me. (I'm sure not holding my breath and will try again later, but I'm not optimistic at the moment...)

Can you send your Dad an inexpensive prepaid cell phone. Find a way to key in your phone number so he only needs to push one button to call you.
Maybe the guy that sits with him when your mom goes out can show him how to use it? Just a thought.

Sonnyboy wrote:Can you send your Dad an inexpensive prepaid cell phone. Find a way to key in your phone number so he only needs to push one button to call you.
Maybe the guy that sits with him when your mom goes out can show him how to use it? Just a thought.

Thanks, but I'd considered that and nixed the idea for a number of reasons. Dad isn't familiar with technology at all, so even if he was able to use the phone, he wouldn't know anything about recharging it, and it would be dead in no time; he'd never call if my mother is there (and she's always there), and if he was using a cellphone, she'd know he was calling me and put a stop to it; he has my phone number and could call from the house phone when he's able (when the bitch isn't there, which isn't often); I can rely on Ed (the caregiver) to call me when he's alone with Dad.

I'm seeing red at the moment. I just called again, and the witch picked up the phone, but the TV was so loud in the background that she couldn't hear me. I told her to turn down the volume so she could, and she said, "I'll turn down the volume when I'm ready." Ugh. So I asked for my dad, and she said, "Say please." Seriously. (This is the kind of petty bullshit she pulled during my last week in FL.) Then she very reluctantly handed the phone to my dad, and I was able to speak with him for a few minutes and wish him a Happy Father's Day, but I could hear her in the background telling him to hang up. If I didn't already hate her, I sure would now...

BleepingBeauty wrote:

Omg! You found the saying to put on my mother's headstone/tee-shirt for the next gift giving occasion!

postitnote wrote:

BleepingBeauty wrote:<snipped>

Omg! You found the saying to put on my mother's headstone/tee-shirt for the next gift giving occasion!

Somehow, I knew you'd appreciate that.

It's none of my business (and feel free to tell me so) but has your mom always been this way?

I get that sometimes people aren't as kind or friendly as I expect or want, but I have never understood people that are so mean. And I am so sorry for saying this, but your mother sounds downright MEAN.

Madalot wrote:It's none of my business (and feel free to tell me so) but has your mom always been this way?

I get that sometimes people aren't as kind or friendly as I expect or want, but I have never understood people that are so mean. And I am so sorry for saying this, but your mother sounds downright MEAN.

Thanks, Maddie. And no need to apologize, because she IS mean. To be fair, my mother and I had quite a few words before I left FL (and neither of us held back, as the relationship was OVER). This is her exerting her power in the situation, since she's in charge of everything. Her behavior before I left was totally irrational (i.e., hiding things she treasures for fear that I'd steal them - as IF I'd want anything that reminded me of her ), so I'm not surprised by any of this, but I seriously do wonder if she's losing her mind.

She's depressed, she's always been extremely negative, I'm sure she's lonely (they don't see any of their friends anymore), and now she's also resentful of having to care for Dad. I privately called an ex-friend of theirs (because Dad bemoaned the fact that they don't see this couple anymore and had no idea why). I asked her why the relationship faded, and she told me it's because my parents are too depressing. (No doubt my mother is the reason for that opinion. Dad's not naturally a downer, but he goes along with whatever she says.)

It pains me that my dad is so under my mother's thumb that he wouldn't dare call me if she's around. I wish he would just put his damned foot down and do what HE wants, for a change, but he's totally dependent on her. I don't like it, but I get it.

If he doesn't call me when he can, I can't do anything more about it.

BleepingBeauty wrote:
If he doesn't call me when he can, I can't do anything more about it.

First, you have done all you can do!

We've established that both our mothers came from hell The only difference is I don't think mine is depressed. She leads a very active life and she doesn't sound depressed at all. She relishes being a bitch!

Your mother may well be depressed. Sad as it sounds, her life is on hold because she is now caring for your dad. My mother felt that way the last few years my dad was alive. Some people don't get that we care for those we love unconditionally! You and I do What are the chances of getting your mother to talk to a doctor about something to mellow her out? Happy pills!

postitnote wrote:First, you have done all you can do!

We've established that both our mothers came from hell The only difference is I don't think mine is depressed. She leads a very active life and she doesn't sound depressed at all. She relishes being a bitch!

Your mother may well be depressed. Sad as it sounds, her life is on hold because she is now caring for your dad. My mother felt that way the last few years my dad was alive. Some people don't get that we care for those we love unconditionally! You and I do What are the chances of getting your mother to talk to a doctor about something to mellow her out? Happy pills!

Yep, I don't have any regrets. I really have done whatever I could do in this situation. Just wasn't successful...

My mother didn't have much of a life before Dad got sick (and his dementia moved into the fast lane), she has no life now, and she'll have no life later, either. She's content to sit in front of the TV (with the volume blaring) all day every day, having her awful outlook on the world confirmed. She won't have to care for Dad when he's gone, of course, but I don't see anything else changing. She's just a miserable person. *shrug*

FWIW, I got my mother on an anti-depressant when I was there (I urged her doctor to prescribe something), but she only took it for ten days or so and then stopped. She said it wasn't making any difference, but I could already see a difference (and told her so). Didn't matter. She's always right (about everything).

BleepingBeauty wrote:
FWIW, I got my mother on an anti-depressant when I was there (I urged her doctor to prescribe something), but she only took it for ten days or so and then stopped. She said it wasn't making any difference, but I could already see a difference (and told her so). Didn't matter. She's always right (about everything).

So if there's a script for the pills someone could put them in the kool-aid for her (just thinking what I would do). Seriously, does your mother know that those pills can take several weeks to work?

postitnote wrote:

BleepingBeauty wrote:
FWIW, I got my mother on an anti-depressant when I was there (I urged her doctor to prescribe something), but she only took it for ten days or so and then stopped. She said it wasn't making any difference, but I could already see a difference (and told her so). Didn't matter. She's always right (about everything).

So if there's a script for the pills someone could put them in the kool-aid for her (just thinking what I would do). Seriously, does your mother know that those pills can take several weeks to work?

Someone like who, my Dad?

And yes, my mother knows about anti-depressants and how long they can take to kick in. Even so, as I said, I could see a difference in her demeanor in about 10 days; she didn't, so she stopped taking them. End of story.

She's comfortable being miserable, trust me.

BleepingBeauty wrote:
Someone like who, my Dad?

You'd be surprised how doing little things can perk up a person and make them happy!

postitnote wrote:

BleepingBeauty wrote:
Someone like who, my Dad?

You'd be surprised how doing little things can perk up a person and make them happy!

It'd never happen. Even if Dad wanted to do that, he wouldn't be able to. And I can just imagine what would go down if my mother got wind of it...

(That scenario just brought to mind a character on my all-time favorite HBO series, Six Feet Under. The dad on the show was hit by a bus and killed in the first five minutes of the pilot episode, but he continued to "show up" in scenes throughout the series. Fans referred to him as DeadDad.)

BleepingBeauty wrote:

postitnote wrote:

BleepingBeauty wrote:
Someone like who, my Dad?

You'd be surprised how doing little things can perk up a person and make them happy!

It'd never happen. Even if Dad wanted to do that, he wouldn't be able to. And I can just imagine what would go down if my mother got wind of it...

(That scenario just brought to mind a character on my all-time favorite HBO series, Six Feet Under. The dad on the show was hit by a bus and killed in the first five minutes of the pilot episode, but he continued to "show up" in scenes throughout the series. Fans referred to him as DeadDad.)

I can imagine...she'd accuse your father of trying to kill her but then she'd say you were behind the whole thing. Oh wait, the second part would be correct, so nix the whole idea! Better to just fantasize about it.