help me understand what he's goin thru

[sciflyer]

things will get better, but be aware he will have more energy and be more into being with you more intimately and be way more into getting things done and going, the mellow fellow you know will most likely become a more driven and full of get up and go type guy. be forewarned as he could become a real rocket ship, more so if he feels he need to make up for lot time in the fog.

Or, he might not.

Let's not set someone up for massive disappointment here if this doesn't happen, which is certainly not a sure thing.

It can manifest an immediate and pronounced improvement for some, but for others - a slow road of gradual improvement.

[houndlover]

Another thing...he might not have a clue how to answer you yet. Honestly, before if you asked me how I felt or what was wrong I just knew I was tired and I felt like crap. It was hard to describe it further than that. I had total brain fog. It was like living life through molasses. I've only been on PAP for a month. I can tell a difference although things aren't perfect.

Educate yourselves, set realistic expectations. Remember that your bf has a ton to work through and deal with. Being told you have to sleep with a hose on your face for the rest of your life is depressing in itself. Like many with chronic illnesses, I think many of us just wanted to be "normal" (I still do, I'm pretty new at this). I'm trying to accept that my normal now comes with a machine and a bottle of distilled water.

[CMorri]

Hi- I'm a girl and the cpap patient, I can tell you a little but I am still adjusting.- 6 months in.

For me, I was so thankful for diagnosis because I had had debilitating fatigue including narcoleptic episodes for years. The closest I came before was a sleep lab said, "sleep disturbances consistent with Fybromyalgia."

So I was so thankful for an action item and from reading this forum knew it would take 100% to make it work for me.
It has taken toll on relationships. I'm 40. Husband #1 was tired of my fatigue, poor employment progress, etc plus 17+ years of baggage.
Enter husband #2. He's not as hard a sleeper as the first. He says I snore Loudly, thrash, kick legs and scream out loud. He moved to couch and I got the sleep apnea diagnosis. He was understanding at first I would need adjustment phase to be a pleasant bed partner.
What he heard most days was my complains about mask leaks, waking up, other obstacles. I start not wanting to share bed because, let's face I don't need one more distraction.
What he failed to realize is that for a time in the middle, I stopped taking naps. My energy on the weekends is better, I'm no longer afraid to make plans. My cognitive ability on the job is many times better.
But I guard my bedtime religiously. 10 pm. Rarely an exception. Note that I may be a bit extreme and sensitive but this is not cake walk..
But, when cpap works, it is glorious.
It's just not what most of us would imagine at any age. I don't feel sexy... He still thinks intimacy should happen right about the time I am DONE for the day. And once I strap all that crap on my face, don't talk to me!
So hubby #2 left.
Seriously, if I ever get married or have a relationship again I will make sure they are ok with either a king size bed, or adjoining bedrooms.
And if I am ever hospitalized or put in rest home I just hope they get all this crap adjusted correctly.

[moki]

I have to say I have loved reading this thread. I am ten days into my cpap therapy and these replies are very comforting. When I got my diagnosis and before I actually got the machine, I sort of crashed physically and emotionally.

Emotionally: I almost feel like I am grieving all of the years I thought my fatigue was my fault or that I was being lazy. I am not necessarily telling other people about this because they have all heard me talk about being too tired for this or that. I'm sure that gets very old. I am having a lot of internal conversations with myself and sorting out my past medical history with this new perspective in mind. It's really pretty mind blowing.

Physically: After the doctor called me to tell me I had severe OSA, I just got incredibly fatigued and anxious and felt like crying all of the time. I was scared to sleep after the diagnosis (pre-cpap machine) because now I knew how severe my oxygen levels were at night and it scared me terribly. Talk about getting the worst nights sleep possible! I couldn't wait to get the machine and start feeling more secure about my health. Over the past 10 days I have definitely gotten deeper and sounder sleeps, no snoring, no tossing and turning...but I have remained pretty tired. I usually need a nap during the day. I also have significant body pain that I've always had, but now I notice it more. If I can remember to take some ibuprofen before I sleep, I generally sleep like a log.

I think I am still in shock mode and have decided not to worry about how tired I am. Some here have told me that it's just my body healing and I'm sticking with that.

I have a very supportive partner and that helps tremendously.

[Nozzelnut]

From the guy side of things; he's probably frustrated, apprehensive, and sleep deprived. Frustrated; maybe a bit of why me or great I have this thing to deal with forever?! That leads into the apprehension that he might be using it for a long time and a whole lot of other questions; I really have to take this thing with me if I want to go on vacation? What do I do if there's a power outage? How am I going to go camping with this thing?

Please don't nag him to use his machine; that will just irritate him. Encourage him, but don't force the issue.

If he can get that one great nights sleep using his machine things will sort themselves out quicker. If he doesn't hit a homerun for a while that's ok too. It take some folks a while to be able to wear the mask all night. It's a marathon; not a sprint.

Things downstairs will usually work better too; using the machine. Just a heads up.

[Newbie Woman]

Sometimes guys just do not want to talk about things. The more you ask, the more they watch sports. I know I'm generalizing, but that's my woman-surrounded-by-male-relatives observation.

[steelers gf]

Sometimes guys just do not want to talk about things. The more you ask, the more they watch sports. I know I'm generalizing, but that's my woman-surrounded-by-male-relatives observation.

I appreciate waking up to the comments. .. helps me a lot. .. BUT I had to lmao at this one. ... only cause I am his sports junkie... I think I will take this advice and just watch the penguins win this cup and baseball, so I won't peach anymore.

[space45]

things will get better, but be aware he will have more energy and be more into being with you more intimately and be way more into getting things done and going, the mellow fellow you know will most likely become a more driven and full of get up and go type guy. be forewarned as he could become a real rocket ship, more so if he feels he need to make up for lot time in the fog.

Or, he might not.

Let's not set someone up for massive disappointment here if this doesn't happen, which is certainly not a sure thing.

It can manifest an immediate and pronounced improvement for some, but for others - a slow road of gradual improvement.

my post was from personal experience, and yes for me my morning friend is back and stronger then before, good to have things working again, low libido should be one of the signs of OSA.
yes I got mad and I am trying to make up for lose time in all aspects of my life, I have way more energy and am working hard at getting some things going.
I did not mean to misrepresent, I thought most every one had the same thing happen as me. was just warning her of what her might be in for. BTW not bragging just stating.