Support

[DanWinn]

Anybody have issues with discussing their cpap with those closest to them? Every time I mention something about my cpap, my wife has a negative comment.

[Bill44133]

i would recommend you show them this video: http://www.resmed.com/us/multimedia/und ... 40x380.swf

This explains what exactly is going on. It helped me and my family and friends understand exactly what is going on.
Hopefully after they are educated and understand they can be more supportive to you.

I hope that it helps.

I wish you good luck!

[Delta4]

My guess is your cpap probably isn't the only issue between the two of you, but it's one she'll comment on. Are her negative comments out of character for her? Is she usually a supportive, loving wife?

[DanWinn]

Her normal response is tgat it does not matter since I only wear it for an hour. (Not true) I tried using a Facebook geoup for support and she made negative comments to me about my questions so I chose this forum.

[Bill44133]

Her normal response is tgat it does not matter since I only wear it for an hour. (Not true) I tried using a Facebook geoup for support and she made negative comments to me about my questions so I chose this forum.

Well it sounds like your wife doesn't think you are using your machine enough, and she may have good reason for it. Are you using your machine all night
Sometimes if we make our own problems (ie our own worst enemy) they can't support you.

I hope you can get this figured out.


Good Luck!

[neallo]

i would recommend you show them this video: http://www.resmed.com/us/multimedia/und ... 40x380.swf

This explains what exactly is going on. It helped me and my family and friends understand exactly what is going on.
Hopefully after they are educated and understand they can be more supportive to you.

I hope that it helps.

I wish you good luck!

+1

All I have to add to this is after you show her the video, show her your lab results and discuss all this with her. Help make her a part of treatment, because as you heal she will heal, because believe it or not while you have been not sleeping well, neither has she, because you have been keeping her awake. Things will get better for you and therefore for her

Good luck

[MitzyG]

I agree with most of the comments above. I would first seriously ask yourself what you believe her tone to be. Is it a "helpful", "Dear, I'm concerned because you're not using your cpap enough and I want to encourage you to use it more" Or is it a critical "Look, that cpap is expensive and useless, you only wear it for 1 hr which isn't doing any good, meanwhile, it's killing our budget" Clearly there are shades in between too. Or it could be "You're not supportive of what I want to do in my life and rather than discuss that issue, I will not be supportive of your cpap"

Once you feel that you know which version it is, you should be able to address it. If she's helpful, then maybe you can ask her to help you make it more comfortable, or be patient while you get your settings right so that you can use it for more than 1 hr. In this case, I agree with showing her the videos so that she understands what's going on with you.

If she's being critical, maybe you assess why she is critical...is it a reaction to something else in her life. Is it in reaction to something in your relationship? If so, please address that and ignore her cpap comments. If it's something in her life, help her with that.

Regardless, I have found that if you address your sleep apnea and get "better", you should be able to cope better emotionally with whatever you're dealing with with your wife.

[SleepWellCPAP]

With support and coaching such an important part of the equation when it comes to successful xPAP use, it is very good to see that you are seeking help in dealing with this.

In addition to the above suggestions, I have had many clients who use a little humor to help them introduce their devices to their spouses, girlfriends etc. Giving your machine a name was posted on this forum a while back and most of the people I work with absolutely love that idea. Saying "honey, tonight I've got a date with (you pick the name, referring to your machine of course )", has a way of alleviating tension and starting lighthearted discussion.

Of course, the matter of treatment is a very serious one and hopefully your significant other will eventually come around.

Good luck!

[Wulfman...]

Anybody have issues with discussing their cpap with those closest to them? Every time I mention something about my cpap, my wife has a negative comment.

Over the years, we've heard many stories similar to or worse than yours. Some of the "complaining partners" (mostly women) have even posted on here about how they felt and how their partner's therapy was adversely affecting THEIR lives. As you can imagine, that didn't go over very well with the forum members.

Bottom line is.......you NEED this therapy to have a better, healthier life. Somehow, you need to ignore the offensive remarks and/or change the mind of the person/people who are ignorant of the benefits of this therapy.

It doesn't take much Google searching (Obstructive Sleep Apnea) regarding this therapy to come up with articles for the non-believers to read.

Welcome to the forum. Hang in there.


Den

.

[DanWinn]

Checked my stats from last night and based on when I put the mask on, I had 4 1/2 hours. But I fell asleep before I put it on.

[kaiasgram]

Hi Dan -- I don't think we know enough yet to be judging your wife as unsupportive. We do need to be at least a little tolerant of the fact that cpap therapy is an adjustment for us and for our bed partners. This forum tends to go a little easier on the person struggling with the mask and machine than on the person trying to sleep next to them, yet both people are navigating the new situation -- hopefully together as allies.

Right now do you feel that you need more help with getting your therapy dialed in so you can use it all night, or more help with communication with your wife about it? Help is available on both fronts -- can you go ahead and list your machine and mask like most of us have in our signature boxes below our posts? And tell us more about how your stats are looking so far, and what you're experiencing that is proving problematic to sleeping with the mask/machine.

What are the conversations like that you and your wife are having? Is there a disagreement about a specific aspect of your therapy, or about your diagnosis, or about your attitude and how you're talking to her, or just a generally negative reaction to having to deal with this adjustment? The more you feel comfortable telling us, the more constructive our responses are likely to be.

Welcome to the forum.

[kteague]

Good discussion on the subject. Can you just ask her? Not with the angle of "Why won't you talk to me about my CPAP?" but more of "Seems you're not feeling good about this subject. I'd like to understand what you're thinking and feeling. Can we talk about it?"

I remember recognizing the need to check myself when talking about my CPAP treatment. Others weren't as consumed, or as interested even, as I was. I'm sure some felt like "Oh no, here she goes again." I was so into everything CPAP it was easy to in conversation lose the awareness that other people were simultaneously having life experiences that were important to them. If your wife is reacting negatively toward your mention of your treatment, by all means, it needs to be sorted through. You need to be comfortable talking to your spouse about something so important. Show her your seriousness about and commitment to the treatment by consistently using it. Just try to be mindful to not let too much of your interactions with her be weighted with this conversation. That's what we're here for.

[DanWinn]

I am using the Philips System one with a quattro fx mask. I have also changed my signature to share that from here on out.

[Julie]

Dan, you don't really have a signature (outside of the Taptalk thing). There's no blue under your notes saying what machine and mask you have... Go to Ctl. Panel under page logo, then to Profile, and fill in the blanks with full equipment names and model #'s plus pressures, etc. so we all can see what's what (don't forget to hit Submit!).

[jweeks]

Checked my stats from last night and based on when I put the mask on, I had 4 1/2 hours. But I fell asleep before I put it on.

Dan,

Was falling asleep without it a one-time thing? Or are you new and having some struggles getting used to using it? One thing that helps is making a personal commitment to yourself that you simply will not sleep without it. That wasn't hard for me since not using CPAP is a life threatening situation (at least it was when I first started--O2 levels dropped into the 60% range). Even if you are not that bad off, the damage comes from cumulative exposure to Apnea (or other related breathing issues). Just like radiation and mercury, you want to limit your exposure to poor sleep by avoiding sleeping without the machine.

-john-