Dating with Sleep Apnea

[SleepyHeadMommy]

I was diagnosed with Sleep Apnea sometime between 2008/2009 and while I was still married. I am now divorced for almost 2 years and terrified to start dating or even think about a new relationship because I feel like Darth Vadar when I go to sleep. Plus, I am still very embarrassed about having Sleep Apnea. Am I the only one that feels like this???

[kaiasgram]

I was diagnosed with Sleep Apnea sometime between 2008/2009 and while I was still married. I am now divorced for almost 2 years and terrified to start dating or even think about a new relationship because I feel like Darth Vadar when I go to sleep. Plus, I am still very embarrassed about having Sleep Apnea.

Am I the only one that feels like this???

Nope.

[MS Gray Man]

Well Darth Vader had the obvious advantage of being a Sith Lord and using the force to "acquire" dates.

No I'm certain you aren't the only one that feels that way.

Same logic applies to this and everything else like it though. Ask yourself this seriously. Do you have ANY desire to date or otherwise be in a relationship with someone that would judge you for the curse of the hose?

Would you tolerate that in ANY friend? I would hope you would not and doubt that you would.

It's just a fact of your life. It doesn't make you less of a person any more than being female does, the color of your skin, eye color, blah blah...

Probably not what you want to lead with in a conversation, but before getting at all serious with someone-- bring it up. If they can't deal with it, then they can't deal with you. It says more about them and what kind of friend or potential partner they'd be than anything about you.

So yeah. If you love yourself and think you're a good person... go with that and don't allow anyone unworthy into your life-- Now you just have a good way to test it.

[Triadz]

Well Darth Vader had the obvious advantage of being a Sith Lord and using the force to "acquire" dates.

No I'm certain you aren't the only one that feels that way.

Same logic applies to this and everything else like it though. Ask yourself this seriously. Do you have ANY desire to date or otherwise be in a relationship with someone that would judge you for the curse of the hose?

Would you tolerate that in ANY friend? I would hope you would not and doubt that you would.

It's just a fact of your life. It doesn't make you less of a person any more than being female does, the color of your skin, eye color, blah blah...

Probably not what you want to lead with in a conversation, but before getting at all serious with someone-- bring it up. If they can't deal with it, then they can't deal with you. It says more about them and what kind of friend or potential partner they'd be than anything about you.

So yeah. If you love yourself and think you're a good person... go with that and don't allow anyone unworthy into your life-- Now you just have a good way to test it.

" LIKE "

[SleepyHeadMommy]

I guess I feel this way because my ex-husband was not at all supportive with me having Sleep Apnea. He would complain about the noise of the mask (which doesn't really make a whole lot of noise compare to what my Dads did), the air that came out of the mask, just about anything. So, now I am really self-conscious about it.

[MS Gray Man]

I guess I feel this way because my ex-husband was not at all supportive with me having Sleep Apnea. He would complain about the noise of the mask (which doesn't really make a whole lot of noise compare to what my Dads did), the air that came out of the mask, just about anything. So, now I am really self-conscious about it.

Yeah I get that but the key part is "ex-husband"

Guess what he was a crappy partner... Getting rid of him (no matter how painful) was the first step in having your life back.

Now you have to take the second step which is, deal with it. You have apnea. It sucks. The hose sucks (well blows really) but you need it.

It does not make you less of a person. If you refuse to shower and smell bad.. be self-conscious about that (because well you could shower and solve it)

Never apologize for not dying.

Cheers.

btw-- I have a wonderful spouse that made sure I got treatment, makes sure I don't fall asleep on the couch without being hosed.. It's called partnership for a reason. There are plenty of people out there worthy of your time and affection. I guess that is my point more than anything. Don't look at it as, "Is there anyone that won't mind my mask?" Because anyone that is worth having in your life, that cares for you, that really loves you... Won't care unless YOU DON"T use it.

[kaiasgram]

I guess I feel this way because my ex-husband was not at all supportive with me having Sleep Apnea. He would complain about the noise of the mask (which doesn't really make a whole lot of noise compare to what my Dads did), the air that came out of the mask, just about anything. So, now I am really self-conscious about it.

Time to take your power back SHM. I'm not saying you shouldn't feel self-conscious, I think that's understandable (you saw my photo above? ). Just saying don't let the ghost of your ex shape your expectations about a new relationship. A lot of folks will be by soon to tell you about their supportive spouses and partners. You can have one too, in fact, you should require that. Best wishes!

[melindy]

I understand the hesitation completely. I'm married but I had breast cancer 5 years ago and it was hell dating with the various scars and drains after the surgeries. Then having to deal with dating someone and having to tell them you have no breasts (wearing prosthetics) and then later have fake breasts.

I know that's a totally different situation but completely awkward to deal with. I think the hose is almost as awkward because they have to be okay seeing you like that. As a woman that can be hard, but I would say that it would be best to ease them into it - tell them about it briefly. Eventually Tyra will have to get used to it. If they don't they're kind of shitty anyways.

[Nooblakahn]

Yeah... agreed. It sounds like your ex husband was a dick and you might be carrying some scarring that he caused. Using xpap doesnt make you less of a person and anyone that wouldn't want to be with someone because they have to mask up every night would be very shallow and not worth being with to begin with.

[PreemieNrsTiffy]

I was completely embarrassed in front of my loving supportive husband. He was very sensitive to this and now I am perfectly fine when he makes the Darth Vadar comments.

I agree with the previous poster that this is something that you should approach when things are getting more serious like all the other uncomfortable conversations people should have. If the potential love interest can't deal, then it's just not meant to be.

I admire the courage it takes to get back out into the dating scene, especially with some of the circumstances relayed here (breast cancer surgery, wow).

[RandyJ]

Talking about sleep apnea and its trappings (machine, mask, hose etc) with a potential partner doesn't necessarily bother me. When a relationship progresses to the point of "sleepovers," if my mask etc is an issue, well... don't let the door hit you on the way out.

[LaurieRenz]

I guess I feel this way because my ex-husband was not at all supportive with me having Sleep Apnea. He would complain about the noise of the mask (which doesn't really make a whole lot of noise compare to what my Dads did), the air that came out of the mask, just about anything. So, now I am really self-conscious about it.

Know that without a doubt they are not all this way. I was diagnosed and started therapy at the end of September and my husband has been nothing but supportive and encouraging. If you meet the right person, then your mask won't mean a thing.

[khauser]

I guess I feel this way because my ex-husband was not at all supportive with me having Sleep Apnea. He would complain about the noise of the mask (which doesn't really make a whole lot of noise compare to what my Dads did), the air that came out of the mask, just about anything. So, now I am really self-conscious about it.

I have the same situation, only I'm male. The thing is, we are comfortable with the person we were in such a trust relationship with, and then we're out of it, and along the way we tend to lose that trust, so not only do you have to learn to trust again, but you're viewing things from a different perspective totally.

Most everyone I know has SOME feature about them that they don't like. Some of these features are "out there, in the open" and can't be hidden, and others we have to develop a relationship before divulging. This is one of those, but when you DO meet someone, you'll know that you can tell them about it without any risk. Because as many other people said, if that makes them run, well, imagine something SERIOUS and LIFE THREATENING! (Wait, OSA *is* SERIOUS and LIFE THREATENING). And that's my point!

[johnthomasmacdonald]

I'd view it as a positive. It's a great way to filter out jerks before you invest too much time in them.

[SleepyHeadMommy]

Thanks everyone for your input and advice. I am surely going to go into this with my head held high and not be ashamed of having sleep apnea. It is a life or death situation and I should be happy I was able to take care of myself so I can be there for my kids.

Thanks again, it was the right amount of dosage needed to make me fell better and just go for it!