Cpap Intimacy killer or am I being superficial?

[Janknitz]

Daisy, In the beginning, I could only deal with it one day (night) at a time. It was inconceivable to me to have to do this every night for the rest of my life. Now, it's inconceivable for me to think of NOT doing it every night for the rest of my life.

It's an adjustment. Recognizing that and facing that is a big step to success.

And this:

My wife is choosing waking up beside me as opposed to waking up alone.

Beautifully said!

[Daisy004]

Well without sounding crude....my husband just told "honey Im not worried...you dont look at the Mantel when your stoking the fire"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think thats a compliment...Im not really sure...LOL

[the_nap_ster]

I'm a young woman who had some of the same feelings you do about wearing the mask. But the denial passes (hopefully) and then you figure out what works for you.

Some suggestions:

-- Let your husband see you in the mask. People will respond to things the way you teach them to respond. It always kills me when women say to their husbands "Look at this fat spot on my hip! Isn't it hideous?" Because I promise, he NEVER NOTICED that spot, and now you've essentially TAUGHT him to look at you in an ugly way. Why do that? I presented my mask as kind of adorable, and my husband found it (and still finds it) kind of adorable. My mask is decked out with hot pink strap covers and hose cozies, and even I think it's adorable. It's like wearing a cast. If you act like it's something to be ashamed of, it will be. But most people just notice it and think, oh, a cast. (Unless you dress it up, in which case they'll think "What a FABULOUS cast!", which is sort of my attitude to life. )

-- If you and your husband enjoy middle-of-the-night sex, and/or it's important to you for him to know that you're open to sex even when you're sleeping with the mask, teach him how to unclip the mask. My husband reports the sexiest thing ever is me waking him up by unclipping his mask, because he knows exactly what is coming next. It is a very powerful non-verbal signifier of intent, if you let it become one. The key here is letting him know how to undo the mask, and most importantly, WHY you're showing him. Talking about it is a form of foreplay in itself! This conversation can be the beginning of some great things.

-- Finally, the most powerful sex organ is our minds. Do you wear any clothes to bed? Is it weird for you to take them off for sex? It's not, right? It's just part of the experience. And so too is it with a mask. Some of us wear glasses, some of us have bum knees, and some of us use CPAP. Whatever, no big deal, we all have fragile human bodies. Keeping that in mind can help just about anything.

I wish you the best, and please know that adjusting to this is a process. Feel free to vent or reach out for help here whenever you want!

[SleepyToo2]

My husband used to say he loved waking up before me in the morning and watching me sleep, Im sure hes not thinking that now. Has anyone else had the same thoughts?

Have you asked him? You cannot know what he is thinking now, unless he makes it obvious in other ways .... My story is that I woke up in a pool of blood on the bathroom floor one night ... After that, my wife is happy to see me put the mask on, and she will tell me if it is leaking or I do not have it on at all! Does it affect the more intimate parts of our relationship? Absolutely not! Makes them better, in fact. Plus, she knows that I will be around a lot more years for those intimate moments ...

Do you remember how you felt the first time you did something a little strange - first day of school, first date, first day of work, first ... (fill in the blank). You got used to it after a while. You adapted. You found ways to work around challenges. Life usually became more fun as a result. CPAP is no different. You will get over the embarrassment, I promise.

[hyperlexis]

Yeah, well count your blessings -- at least you've got that ring on your finger! If he knows what's good for him he'll keep quiet.

But try looking like an ICU patient while single! Explaining such things to a prospective spouse is waaayyyy, wayyy, more difficult to handle in so many ways.

Tell hubby if he has a problem with your condition fine, perhaps it's just time he builds you that separate master bedroom suite with the extra large walk in closet and spa tub...... And he can sleep by himself in the old room.

Otherwise what choices do you have to ditch the masks? You could try oral appliances or surgery, but not much if anything left to stop apnea.

[archangle]

Reminds me of this:

[Daisy004]

thank you archangle, after a really rough night I needed a smile