Cpap Intimacy killer or am I being superficial?

[Daisy004]

I have this thing nagging at the back of my mind.... I'm onto day 28 with the apap and have been wondering if anyone else has had these thoughts...have you ever wondered how the machine will impact your sex life? On a superficial basis I have been worried about me looking like a cross between Darth Vader and an elephant, in short..I feel unattractive.
I feel by putting on the mask I am signalling disinterest in sex as if I'm saying "Im sleeping now".
My husband used to say he loved waking up before me in the morning and watching me sleep, Im sure hes not thinking that now. Has anyone else had the same thoughts?

[123.Shawn T.W.]

Turn off the light!

You look just magnificent in total darkness! (mask and all!)

Get over it, being alive is what counts!

[chunkyfrog]

It can be like a costume. (clothing optional)
Play astronaut, fighter pilot, or scuba diver.
Take off the gear when things get too spicy, put it back on when things cool down.

[wm_hess]

Yes it can affect your sex life a lot. The improvements in your sleep and general health make it better.

What do you think the man who loves to watch you sleep would prefer, watching you sleep with a mask, or remembering what a pleasure it used to be to watch you sleep in his arms?

[Sir NoddinOff]

My wife recently said she wants me to be healthy, happy and live a long time... if CPAP helps achieve that, then she said she's totally on board. That's what I call love. If somebody else has a better definition then I'd sure like to hear it.

[Julie]

This has come up quite a few times before - try doing a search for key words - and you'll find you have lots of company. Everyone handles it a bit differently, humor certainly goes a long way, but at least you're not e.g. 18 and single, wondering how and when to tell boyfriends about it (and men have the same problems too)!

You want acceptance now, your husband probably needs a little time to adjust, so give him some time - it's one thing for him to know you need cpap and be happy you're going to be around for a while, but it doesn't mean it's easy for either of you to be 'used to it' overnight... but til you are, I can't see that (as someone else said) it would be hard to wait til you're both ready to actually sleep to put the thing on in the dark (practice in the light so you can do that).

[Xney]

Being a zombie with no energy is a pretty good intimacy killer.

[archangle]

I have been worried about me looking like a cross between Darth Vader and an elephant, in short..I feel unattractive.

Just look at hubby and say "Honey, you haven't lived until you've felt the power of my dark side." Accompany it by Vader breathing noises.

Maybe it's not sexy, but neither is snoring, heart attacks, stroke, accelerated aging, brain damage, etc. Or waking up in an empty bed because your partner is dead.

[Gin]

Pre CPAP, I apparently sounded like a charging rhino, frequently woke up with drool all over my pillow and felt like hell. I'm pretty sure I'm sexier now!

[Char1ieJ]

Yes it can affect your sex life a lot. The improvements in your sleep and general health make it better.
What do you think the man who loves to watch you sleep would prefer, watching you sleep with a mask, or remembering what a pleasure it used to be to watch you sleep in his arms?

wm_hess summed it up nicely. My wife is choosing waking up beside me as opposed to waking up alone. So, the mask is not gonna be a problem. Looking at it from his perspective, I'd rather get used to the mask than get used to sleeping alone. Talk it out with your husband... I betcha he will be fine with it.

[johnthomasmacdonald]

Why so limiting to either/or? You can kill intimacy and still be superficial. And in all seriousness better a fit live love who kinda resembles a space alien than a dead/ill supermodel.

[Pugsy]

Well let's face it. Sleeping with a mask doesn't present with the sexiest of pictures for anyone.
But neither do the alternatives either. Snoring like a freight train isn't particularly sexy either...not to mention how disruptive it is to the other person or when my own snoring was so bad it woke ME up.

It is what it is and the alternatives are much worse. We deal with it and accept it and it is not a relationship killer unless the relationship was in a poor state to start with. When we care about someone we want that person to be healthy and happy and with us for a long time. Just a little minor bump in the road of life that we get to deal with. There are far worse things out there to have to deal with. Other things that create a picture much worse than sleeping with a mask and things that actually will impact a person's sex life. At least we only need the mask and machine while asleep.

[Daisy004]

thank you all for your replys..I guess Im still in denial stage, I keep asking myself how can I have this. Im 44 , healthy weight and active lifestyle. It was only because my brother passed away I decided to go for a checkup as I was feeling tired all the time and they found the right side of my heart enlarged due to the Sleep Apnea. Im thinking once it sinks in I will be fine. I remember my first night at the sleep centre and the tech bringing me out a mask..I took one look and said "HELL NO"...notttt wearing that thing....but he also convinced me if I want to see my kids grow up I had no option. It still slowly sinking in...hubby hasnt said much about it at all but I know he wants me to be better. Its a major adjustment that people just dont realise, I spoke to my best freind on the phone whos comments were "whats the big deal, its just a mask"..thats why I am so glad I found this forum with all you amazing people that understand and give such great support. Im originally from Scotland but Im currently living in Houston Texas on a greencard ( hubbys work) so that makes it even more difficult dealing with it alone so to speak. I am practicing the art of tieing up my hair and putting the mask on in the dark at night so hubby dosnt see me for now...just till I myself come to terms with it and feel more comfortable about it...again thank you all for your support, it means alot.
Daisy

[Xney]

When you start feeling awake, you won't wonder how you could ever have sleep apnea, but how you ever didn't have it treated...

[xenablue]

Daisy - you've had some great answers, and hopefully you feel a little better about intimacy issues.

I've always maintained that success with XPAP is about 80% attitude (and patience and perserverence), but I'd like to lower than % a little and include a sense of humour.

Both will certainly help you and your other half to be in a really comfortable place with this.

There are ways around intimacy issues - with our without your mask LOL. You have to think creatively. Practice turning off your machine and removing your mask in a flash so that your partner hardly notices it (when an 'opportunity' presents itself after you've masked up).

Since XPAP, DH and I have found that our intimate encounters tend to occur more during the hours before scheduled bedtimes. This allows complete spontaneity like 'before XPAP' as well as not having to worry about being masked up. Plus DH knows that when I've masked up, I'm ready to crash.

Hang in there - it's tougher when you're younger, but as others have said - the extre energy you'll have will more than make up for working around the mask.

Oh, and NO, I don't think you're being superficial - it's a very real issue and one that can really affect not only a relationship, but whether you use your XPAP at all.

Cheers,
xena