OT - Hohoho - throwdown at the U-Cut tree farm

[McSnoresalot]

Man, the Holidays really get to some people....

So, this year at Casa McSnoresalot we had to get new tree - the trusty old fake tree from Costco was tossed last year after X-mas having reliably served for over a decade. (Actually - the tree was "donated" to a local thrift shop - might of been able to get another year out of it with enough gorrilla glue and duct tape - but consensus was to retire it)

Anyway, went to go check out prices for a new fake tree......Holy Crap, $300+ for a plastic tree - not in the budget this year. (probably wait until after the Holiday and get one then when they are on sale) Quick family meeting to discuss options, Wifey and daughters #2 & #3 wanted a "real" tree. Daughter #1 is an enviro-conscious fledgling hippie with a flair for drama (I blame the liberal educational system) - she was outraged that we would consider killing a living tree for ornamental purposes. That said, and this being America, we voted and she was overruled 3 to 1 (I abstained from the vote as I am opposed to spending money on anything that doesn't involve beer, fishing, football or golf - plus I don't want to piss her off, she's as scary as her mom)

So part two of the debate centered on where to get said tree - I lobbied for the local gas station/stop & rob because they had a pile of them for $14.99 - this was quickly shouted down. Wifey wanted to do a whole day trip up into the mountains, get a tree permit from the Parks Dept. - visions of chaining up, cold fingers and toes and a heinous lunch bill at some rip-off restaurant up in the Cascades.....uuuuggghhhhh. I reminded her about the 1997 x-mas tree debacle when we tried to do the same thing - ended up with a crappy tree and a $250 towing bill when I buried the truck in a snowdrift trying to take a "short cut" down a logging road.

We finally agreed to split the difference and go to a local U-Cut tree farm (Promises of hot cider and cocoa sealed the deal).

Life is about learning experiences - and I learned that the Saturday two weeks before Christmas is NOT the time to go to the U-Cut tree farm. What the hell?....it was like Walmart on Black Friday - chaos everywhere. Daughters #2 & #3 along with Wifey quickly strayed way, way, way back into the farm looking for the perfect tree. Daughter #1, disgusted with the whole fiasco wandered off in search of a cup of cocoa and a sympathetic ear to listen to her outrage over our enviro-terroism.

So they find a tree, about 1/2 mile DOWN a steep slope - naturally I am expected to hike down there, cut the tree and then somehow drag it back up the muddy hill - yay. I get down there, just start cutting and this big ol' boy starts yelling from the top of the hill about "his" tree. I didn't get whether he was yelling at me or not, so I stop and raise my arms up at him in the the universal gesture for "what the f@#$ is your problem?" He proceeds to stumble-run down the hill with a woman and couple of kids in tow yelling....that was his g-darned tree and what did I think I was doing. He gets down to us, bends over and starts cutting the tree - didn't say a word after all his yelling - just gives me this hateful glare and goes to town with his saw.

This was a pretty big dude - he's all red-faced and huffing and puffing from his downhill run, I admit I was kind of slow to react to his arrival and commandeering of MY tree. But, the look on Daughters #2 & #3 faces was enough to get me moving - I sidled around so I was uphill of big boy (any advantage) and saw wifey bolt back up the hill (she's known me long enough - she was gone looking for re-inforcements - pretty sure she figured dude was going to clean my clock) I leaned in an tapped dude in the back, asked him, quietly, what the hell he thought HE was doing. Big guys like this hardly ever get in fights - so he kind of ignores my first jab so I reach in and grab his arm and give it a yank on his backstroke - threw him off balance and he almost went down. THAT got his attention, he puffs up and starts jawing again about "his" tree - then he throws his saw at me - wtf? I couldn't believe it - some people cannot handle the stress at holiday time, his wife/girlfriend starts yelling at him - kids are all staring wide-eyed.

At this point, I decide this guy might be more dangerous than originally estimated so I tell the girls to "head back up to the truck". By now we had a pretty good audience going on and Wifey is coming back down the hill with a couple of tree farm employees. I Admit I was glad Bubba wasn't going to get a chance to pound me into pulp, I still couldn't resist - I picked up his saw and handed it back to him - when I leaned in I told him "you throw like a girl...." That set him off and he lunged at me - got me pretty good too, shook me around a little bit before people jumped in and broke it up.

After things got settled down, he felt pretty bad - offered us the tree (we declined) and the tree farm guys ended up giving us all free cider and cocoa.

We ended up getting a pre-cut tree from the farm - 10 foot Noble, sure makes the house smell festive.

HoHoHo

Mac

[Lizistired]

Happy Holidays!

[rested gal]

You need to write a book, McSnoresalot!! You really, really do!

[xenablue]

Thanks for the yucks - sorry you got roughed up a bit, but hey - it was worth it for the enterainment value.

cheers,
xena

[burlyblack]

Good for you snoresalot......I just love making guys like that look stupid, its fun

[idamtnboy]

Daughter #1 is an enviro-conscious fledgling hippie with a flair for drama (I blame the liberal educational system) - she was outraged that we would consider killing a living tree for ornamental purposes.

Tell your daughter #1 she's got it all wrong. In this case YOU are the friend of the environment! Why? Several reasons.

Natural Christmas trees are a crop. If they are not cut down for use as a Christmas tree, they don't get planted in the first place. If they don't get planted birds are deprived of a place to build a nest, rabbits are deprived of shelter in summer and winter, and deer are deprived of food. We also don't get the benefit of having them convert obnoxious and dangerous carbon dioxide into carbon, a natural fuel, and oxygen, thus helping to clean up the air. On top of all this natural trees are brought to you by American workers and business owners. After the tree is used they are recycled to a large body of water where they help to reduce erosion and provide hiding places for young fish.

On the other hand artificial trees consume fossil fuel energy to manufacture, oil to produce the plastic for the fake branches and needles, and who knows what all kinds of chemicals to create the colors. They are manufactured by foreign labor. And when it's time to pitch them they go to a landfill, helping to forever put out of beneficial future use acres of land near metropolitan areas.

Soooo, be good to the environment, use a natural tree. And you have done that, Mac! You're a good man!

[mmkof5]

As I was reading your post, the movie was playing in my head....What a hoot!!! Thanks for a great laugh!