Newlywed & Newly diagnosed!

[ameriken]

Does anyone have stats on this?

I don't know that ALL snorers have sleep apnea, but it's a strong indicator.

I don't have stats but snoring could be an indicator. The way I heard it put is: not all people who snore have sleep apnea, and not all people who have sleep apnea snore.

[JointPain]

My wife and I sleep in different beds. She's an extremely light sleeper and wakes up at the slightest noise or disturbance (except for her alarm clock). I can't sleep because I'm too tense trying not to disturb her, so separate beds are a necessary evil. I would try the mattresses suggested above first though.

You say you've only just brought home the CPAP. Exactly how long have you had it? Many people take some time to adjust. It's not very natural sleeping with a hose stuck to your face and air shoved down your nose! Once you've got used to it, you'll in general sleep a lot more soundly. Unfortunately, the only way to get used to it is to wear it every single time you sleep. I support Ameriken's comments above. It seems that you can sleep with your DH without the CPAP, so it's only a matter of time and perseverance until you can do it with CPAP.

Regarding your husband's snoring, does he have interruptions in the middle of his snoring when he's not breathing at all, and then suddenly gasps for breath?

[toosexyformycpap]

I am BRAND NEW! I have had my CPAP a week. I did have trouble adjusting to co-sleeping with DH even prior to my CPAP since I am a light sleeper. I desired my own bed even then, and now that I'm adjusting to CPAP, I am concerned that my sleeping arrangements are going to deter me from being successful.

Sleepingugly, I like what you bring up about the blankets! That's another thing! We are currently using separate blankets. He needs one, untucked at the bottom for his feet to feel free. I need several and like to be all tucked in. I agree, moving the blankets is a disturbance. I can see that he is somewhat disturbed when I move or pull the covers as well, but he goes right back into his sleep while I wake completely when disturbed.

I forgot about coughing...he coughs too since he is a smoker!!

I needed to hear what some of you had to say about apnea. My doctor hasn't been quite so adamant with me. She is very laid back with her approach and says it's my decision, and hopefully the breathing treatment is the answer for me. She hasn't given me a life or death speech at all. But I feel terrible and like I have one foot in the grave, so I am willing to use it!

Anyway, I am going to be journaling my wakefulness and experiences. I am finding this site a little overwhelming, I must admit, since I am new and had no idea there were this many sufferers and this much information (and jargon). I have many questions.

Is being a light sleeper characteristic of sleep apnea? In other words, since my DH sleeps soundly, does that mean he is unlikely to have it? I have never noticed him gasping, just snoring. He has noticed me stopping breathing/gasping though.

I appreciate your somber words and warnings about sleep apnea. I have also had the desire to take an unmasked nap in the daytime to make up for the sleep I feel I am not getting at night. Guess I'll have to just make it a masked nap.

Oh, another thing, is this something one is born with or does it develop? I thought back to high school and college and remembered needing more sleep than other friends. But my sleep dr told me that even aside from the apnea, I probably require much more than 8 hrs anyway. Some people need 9-10. And I sure don't get that regularly!

[SleepingUgly]

I am BRAND NEW! I have had my CPAP a week. I did have trouble adjusting to co-sleeping with DH even prior to my CPAP since I am a light sleeper. I desired my own bed even then, and now that I'm adjusting to CPAP, I am concerned that my sleeping arrangements are going to deter me from being successful.

Do you have a guest bedroom or some place your husband can sleep until you're adjusted to CPAP? It does sound like his presence is making your adjustment to CPAP slower.

I forgot about coughing...he coughs too since he is a smoker!!

Oy.

Is being a light sleeper characteristic of sleep apnea? In other words, since my DH sleeps soundly, does that mean he is unlikely to have it? I have never noticed him gasping, just snoring. He has noticed me stopping breathing/gasping though.

No, it doesn't mean that he's unlikely to have it. In fact, some people with severe apnea don't wake up easily and desaturate more until they arouse to open their airway.

Oh, another thing, is this something one is born with or does it develop? I thought back to high school and college and remembered needing more sleep than other friends. But my sleep dr told me that even aside from the apnea, I probably require much more than 8 hrs anyway. Some people need 9-10. And I sure don't get that regularly!

Some babies and children have it. Others develop it. For men it gets worse in puberty (not sure about women, but we know it gets worse in menopause for women...yay, so looking forward to that ). I can't remember how tired I was in high school, but by college I had to be more vigilant than others about how much sleep I got, and I never pulled all-nighters. After that I was pretty significantly affected and had my first sleep study by age 24, where they diagnosed me with OSA, then reneged on the diagnosis and proceeded to misdiagnose me for the next 19 years... But enough about me; this is your thread.

[JointPain]

Is being a light sleeper characteristic of sleep apnea? In other words, since my DH sleeps soundly, does that mean he is unlikely to have it? I have never noticed him gasping, just snoring. He has noticed me stopping breathing/gasping though.

No, it doesn't mean that he's unlikely to have it. In fact, some people with severe apnea don't wake up easily and desaturate more until they arouse to open their airway.

I don't know whether being a light versus deep sleeper makes it more or less likely, but the stopping breathing and gasping is a strong indicator. Since you haven't noticed him doing that and he doesn't feel exhausted all the time when he's awake, I don't think there's enough evidence to push him towards a sleep study for Apnea. Nothing is certain though.

Oh, another thing, is this something one is born with or does it develop? I thought back to high school and college and remembered needing more sleep than other friends. But my sleep dr told me that even aside from the apnea, I probably require much more than 8 hrs anyway. Some people need 9-10. And I sure don't get that regularly!

Some people are probably more likely to develop it from birth, and it's just a matter of time until it develops. For instance, people with small jaws are more likely to develop it. See this thread about the correlation between the number of teeth you have and sleep apnea. I've had mine since at least college.

Best wishes and hang in there. It can be tough at first, but eventually it won't be a big deal (for a suitably large value of eventually ).

[pap4life]

I don;t know what you are sleeping in right now, but I think you are going to need larger accommodations. Either twins, pushed together, or a king size bed. Twins just bring an added task of additional bed clothes to clean, adjust or whatever. Just his size alone makes him a bed hog. He can;t help that. Twin beds pushed together would give you the stability of no movement when he jumps around and most of the kings with a good matress gives very little movement to each person. You need the soundness, roominess or stability of the bed so that you can get your CPAP therapy comfortable for you. Cuddling, spooning or whatever, will take place spontaniously, as Mother Nature provides for.

As far as the cat..I'm surprised that with the fan and air noise that it will even come into the bedroom. Sadly, I know it's loved by your DH, and maybe you too, but at 16 yrs old, its about to run out of its nine lives.

I don;t think worrying about being a light sleeper or a heavy sleeper, is too important at this point. Please keep yourself "hosed" when ever there is a possibility that you intend to go to sleep. CPAP is NOT a cure but a therapy that keeps oxygen getting to your lungs and other organs. Without your CPAP usage, you are at risk of leaving your newly found love of your life (DH) before you intend to.

[NightMonkey]

Hubby is a giant 6'4, 250 lbs, sexy football player build. He snores, moves around, tosses all night long, and talks

Now that I think of it, he does drink a lot of caffeine though. Maybe he's not as energetic as I think! Do all snorer have apnea?

You are presenting a lot of danger signals for sleep apnea. (One you don't mention is a large neck and I am sure your husband has built up those neck muscles - a risk factor for sleep apnea.)

Heavy caffeine consumption is the most common way that people deal with undiagnosed sleep apnea. It is also a very unhealthy way to deal with sleep apnea.

As you go forward with your therapy and get educated about sleep apnea, it would be a very good thing to keep your husband in mind.

I like to gamble and would lay odds that he has sleep apnea. I would first want to know how old he is.

As far as your husband, here is what I would recommend:

1. He should get educated about what good sleep hygiene is and begin to practice it. Google "sleep hygiene" and go to one of the reputable sites - not one of those crappers selling junk.

2. He should gradually wean himself off all caffeine. If he has six drinks of caffeine daily, cut it down to five drinks a day for a week, then down to four drinks a day for one week, etc. At the end of five weeks eliminate all caffeine. Keep reviewing how his sleeping seems and what his daytime energy level is.

3. Starting immediately he should cease all backsleeping and only sleep on his sides or stomach. Again, observe if anything changes about his sleep or daytime energy levels.

Also, good luck with your own therapy. Keep reading and posting here and become an expert about sleep apnea, CPAP, and your therapy. Remember, you are in charge of your therapy and there are plenty of people here who can help you.

[SleepingUgly]

Beware the cat wrecking the hose...

[toosexyformycpap]

Wow, thanks so much everyone! This has been very helpful!

DH and I have been discussing it all. The big thing is we don't want to invest money in a bed(s) that will not be beneficial so we want the best choice!

Papforlife, you are funny! My CPAP seems to be very quiet, and the cat is a 100% love-a-holic. She will do anything to be close and get love. She's a good cat and would never tamper with the equipment. She's just a night owl (of course) and walks around on me! She thinks it's all about her and she is spoiled.

I am trying to learn. I don't know all the terms and have to keep looking them up. The more I engage here with you the more accepting I am of my own diagnosis. I can NOT sleep on my back without having an episode and gasping. I have a small jaw and the dentist had to pull teeth because I didn't have room for them, so I fewer teeth than average. My father has apnea and I have his facial structure. He is not being treated though (stubborn) so he's not a good resource.

I am off to try again and DH is sweet enough to offer to sleep elsewhere this evening and for a period of adjustment time.

If you think of any other advice, please keep it coming! It is VERY helpful to me as I begin this stuff!!

[SleepingUgly]

That is great! I think the best the thing you can do right now is have him sleep elsewhere while you adjust to CPAP, so you introduce as few disrupting variables as a time. Once you're used to CPAP, he can be the new disrupting variable.

[xenablue]

Our Cal. King is a Sleep Number bed, which we've had for about 8-years now. As I said in my earlier post - we both LOVE our own sleeping space. Our reason for the SN bed was primarily so we couldn't feel the other moving, secondary reason was back issues. We've not regretted a single night.

We do use separate twin duvets in winter though - he's an icicle and I toss the duvet as soon as I've warmed up.

Hey, your'e newlyweds - it's gonna take time to learn each other's idiosyncracies. Take your time andn try a bunch of beds before you decide to purchase a new one - but do make it the largest and best you can afford.

Cheers,
xena

[napstress]

That's great that your husband has volunteered to sleep in another room until you get adjusted to the machine.

If, ultimately, you cannot adjust to his flopping around when he returns to the bed, you might consider one twin- and one queen-sized bed. It sounds like it's the bed's shaking when your husband shifts that's disturbing your sleep, so a king-sized bed won't help that situation. If one of the beds is queen-sized, you have plenty of space to practice making that baby you're planning on.

My cat was with me for 16 years before the man who became my husband evicted her from the bedroom. I was really worried she would meow all night long and claw to get in, but she adjusted very quickly. I was really surprised! (Incidentally, to keep a cat from getting near enough to the door to scratch at it, you can tape a couple of sheets of tin foil to the floor in front of the door—just wide enough for you to step over. On the first night I tried that, I heard one *crink* as she tentatively put a paw on the foil. She tore off down the hallway and never tried it again).

A couple of days after evicting the cat, I evicted the man from the bedroom as well. I wake up in the middle of the night and stay up for a couple of hours. He would go through his "spin cycle," dragging the sheets across my body, right as I was falling back asleep again. At the beginning our relationship, he actually hauled off and tried to punch me in his sleep a couple of times (he's a martial artist), but unconsciously I stopped his fist in mid-air. My microarousals served me well, back then.

Anyway, I booted him from the bedroom about 5 years ago and started CPAP therapy nine months ago—and he married me, anyway—this past July! We have a little ritual in which he cuddles me (maskless) in my bed until I am about to fall asleep, then goes off to his bedroom. I fall asleep within minutes at the beginning of the night, so he's the one who visits.

So it can all be worked out and it sounds like you two have the good communication to work out something that suits both your needs.

Good luck!

[toosexyformycpap]

Napstress, your story is so amusing! That is an excellent idea for the cat because that is exactly what she does! Meows and scratches. I am strongly considering the queen and the twin...we would just need to rearrange our current set-up for bedrooms but I guess it just might be worth it.

Thank you all for all of the advice and wishes. DH is super excited about scheduling our cuddle time tonight at 8:30. He is so happy I was more rested today!

[Starlette]

I'm happy for you Sexy. Happy that your using your cpap, and a man that is willing to work with you during this transition.
It is a transition indeed. By the way Sexy, I have to ask, what does a "Victoria's Secret cpap" look like??? I have to ask.

Starlette

[codinqueen]

MY vote is for 2 extra long twins or a queen and a twin bed pushed together. You can buy a belt to hold the two twins together, and they also have a middle piece that goes up the middle over the separation, so you barely feel the separation. We have a Calif King and I wish we had been smart enough back when to get two extra long twins because Cal king sheets are expensive, as well as huge to wash and fold. Twin and queen are less expensive and a lot easier to fold. Having your own sheets and blankets help too.
Please be sure to mask up for sleep, it will make you feel like a hundred bucks shortly.
Welcome!!!