Update on husband

[Perrybucsdad]

This reminds me of something I studied in college by Kubbler-Ross... the stages of grief. It's the same 5 stages that an alcoholic goes through and we all go through to some extent when we found out that we had sleep apnea. Those stages are Denial, Anger, Barganning, Depression, and Acceptance.

Just like someone who is trying to quit drinking or smoking, until your husband finds acceptance, he won't embrace the CPAP machine as an aid to helping him. Some of us fly through the first four of the stages, and others take some time.

All I can offer is that we all know what he is going through and are here for him. It took me a long time before I listened to my beautiful wife and considered I had sleep apnea. I thought she was full of it and was just picking on me. I must have suffered with it for at least 10 years before I went to get a PSG done this year, and then I really still didn't believe I had it. Not until I was able to tough it out the first night and feel some of the marginal benefits did it become clear that I DID have a problem and that everyone wasn't lying to me. The memory loss, tiredness all the time, high BP, etc were all there, and just like that alcoholic, everyone saw the issue but me.

Best thing you can do for your husband is like what one of the other posters said to tell him that you may not know what he is going through, but you are there for him and believe him that he is having a hard time dealing with this.

Best of luck to the two of you,

John

[Muse-Inc]

Suggest my mask to your husband, click on it to see what it looks like. I have severe claustrophobia and a powerful fear of suffocating, so anything that covers my nose or forehead totally freaks me out....my mask doesn't. Quite a few of here wear this mask. Our host sells it for $119 and you can buy insurance to return it if it doesn't work out. I wish him the best, starting this hosehead journey ain't for sissies, it calls for courage, persistence, and the ability to identitfy each obstruction and find a way to deal with it, overcome it, find a workaround, get some suggestions, cope with personal frustrations, anger, self pity, depression, self-blame and the million other setbacks to getting on with successful CPAP therapy.

Personally, I think these are the typical beginner issues:

• Find the right machine: CPAP or APAP and the right exhalation relief (each mgf's feels different). You need a machine whose breathing patterns feel close to your natural rhythm so you won't be fighting the machine all night.
• Find a mask comfortable enough that you'll wear it thru the night; tvnation runs free mask trials, worth investigating. Our host is a great source of masks at low prices.
• Start collecting nightly data to record leak, AHI, AI (Obstructive & CA if using a ResMed machine). I also rate how I feel when I wake up before I look at the numbers. This activity helps establish a baseline to use to observe trends over time.
• Get the software and learn how to read the data (it's not too hard). Ask for help in learning how to do this if you can't figure it out, no shame in asking with apnea-induced foggy thinking understanding often take several explanations.
• Figure out how to reduce leaks because data isn't reliable until leaks are under control

Sleep apnea cause wide mood swings, be patient. Get his vitamin D levels checked because low levels turn all of us into weepy neurotics incapable of making informed, effective decisions for ourselves...many of us here tested with levels in the teens, that's deficiency level. First thing I noticed is I stopped crying at the drop of a hat along with feeling good most of time, bonus: no more illnesses, D is critical for a robust immune system. Only take the D3 form because the D2 form is the plant form that the body must convert and ours is already waaay too stressed to do any of that well.

Years of sleep apnea causes brain damage that leaves us frustrated at our inability to think/perform as we did -- this can be recovered from, mine is mostly healed now but it's taken a lot of time and a ton of supplements designed to reduce inflammation & promote the growth of new brains cells (yes we do grow new ones) and more neural pathways.

Encourage him to come and read these posts -- some of us were in bad shape when we became hoseheads & can offer support and suggestions as he adapts to this treatment. CPAP therapy works, the alternative ends in heart attack/stroke, diabetes, uncontrollable blood pressure because the cause is untreated sleep apnea with its nightly suffocation & oxygen starvation. Of course, he could always get a hole cut in his throat to breathe. These are choices...finding a way to make this therapy work is what each of us has struggled with. We come here and share what we have learned in the hope that it makes someone else's journey a little easier.

Good luck to both of you!

[reginaalear]

Thanks for all the wonderful advice everyone. So far I have only been able to get my husband to wear his mask until 3am. Tonight he took it off at 2 went to the bathroom and fell asleep leaning on the towel rack. I went in there to wake him up and when he got in to bed I told him to put it back on. When he did I thought yay he's gonna make it longer than 3am but he didn't. Once 3am got here he took it off. He said it hurt, the pressure was messed up, and he had a headache. I did find that while watching him for that hour he still has sleep apnea. He did get a full face mask and it still doesn't help. I'm not sure if he doesn't have it adjusted right or what but it looked like he did. When he was wearing his mask that just covered his nose I didn't notice any apnea but he didn't like it blowing up his nose. He just got some reason nasal pillows that hav the two pieces that go in the nose but he hasn't tried them yet. My sister in law who did his study said that was what he wore when he was in the sleep lab. I'm hoping he'll wear them tonight. How can I encourage him to wear it past 3am? I'm worried he's in a pattern that may not change. Thanks again everyone!

[Muse-Inc]

Try printing some of these comments and leave 'em where he can see 'em. Or, try what I do: "Please know I love you and am concerned about you. This "X" (whatever "X" is) might be helpful. I won't pressure you about this but I found it informative." Then, I hand them "X" and wait to see what effect it has...sometimes, the most effective thing to do is get busy doing something else and not bring it up again....but then I'm apt to leave more info about whatever I'm concerned about in strategic places I know the other person will find...I do not mention them unless the person brings it up for discussion.

[TRW22]

Sorry you husband is having trouble adjusting. It only took me a week to really get used to having a CPAP mask clamped to my face. My attitude had two aspects that made it easier for me to buy-in and accept the change.

A) I was willing to try/accept/embrace anything that would improve my health and make me sleep better.
B) My wife is a very light sleeper and had to wear ear plugs at night to compensate for my snoring. I felt really bad about this.

I have been doing the CPAP thing now for about 30 months and don't regret it at all.

[JeffL]

When he was wearing his mask that just covered his nose I didn't notice any apnea but he didn't like it blowing up his nose. He just got some reason nasal pillows that hav the two pieces that go in the nose but he hasn't tried them yet. My sister in law who did his study said that was what he wore when he was in the sleep lab.

I was diagnosed with OSA 10 years ago, but was so horrified by CPAP that I refused to take the machine home. Last month, I had another sleep study, that showed I had severe OSA. I went back for another study with CPAP, but didn't stay because I couldn't tolerate the mask. The doctor sent me to another sleep center where I tried the Swift fx nasal pillow. which just presses against the nostrils. It made all the difference in the world! They set me up with the medium pillows, but I like the larger ones better. It goes on and off as easily as swimming goggles. I can tell from this forum that everyone is different, but after 5 weeks, I'm almost to the point of not noticing that I'm using it. I haven't missed one day of using it all night since I got it.