How far can squirrels swim? (might be OT)

[McSnoresalot]

Dog is failing in his responsibilities as slayer of furry vermin – squirrels in particular.

Big Eastern gray squirrels to be exact – overrun with the mangy yard rats this year. Dog picks off a few of them now and again, but some of them are wise to his ways.

Since starting CPAP, l often find myself awake multiple times during the night – it has become my habit to try and make use of this “down time” thinking about stuff: World Peace, Religion, Social Security…..etc. Well this week it was squirrels and how to deal with them.

Shooting them with a pellet gun is out – not illegal, but just not my preferred method. Tried live trapping them for a while – easy to catch, not so easy to figure out to do with them once you have them. Usually drive way out in the valley and dump them out in fields near the river – I suspect they invariably find their way back.

Anyway, sometime during the wee hours of Sun morning, I devised a new system that I think will solve my “squirrel” issue and give them a sporting chance to boot.

As a kid, I got pretty good at designing and building water-balloon launchers with surgical tubing. Building on that expertise, I hit the hardware store on Sunday to pick up:

20 feet of surgical tubing
6 inch square piece of thick leather
1 key ring
1 3/16” cotter pin
1 Screw into the gound dog tether anchor
10 yds of paracord

Cut up the tubing 5 foot lengths and tied them to two flowering cherry trees in the back yard that stand about 5 feet apart.

Take the other end of the tubing and tie it to the chunk of leather at the corners where I punched holes with an awl.

Figure out maximum draw on the tubing and at that point take the screw-in anchor and get that set almost flush into the ground.

Punch another hole into the center of the leather and thread in the keyring.

Clip the keyring to the anchor with the cotter pin and tie the paracord the pin.

Run the paracord up to deck, through the slider and lay on the arm of the recliner.

Place Walnuts in leather pouch on ground.

Wait for Mr. Squirrel to steal said nuts, and pull the pin.

If my calculations are correct, adjusting for windage and elevation, I am fairly positive the squirrel will clear the blue spruce on a trajectory that will drop them about dead center of the 215 acre lake that we live on.

I find it highly unlikely the launch will harm the squirrles, impact with the water may be problematic, but the real key will be which way they decide to swim and if they can make it.

Long story short: was working with daughter number one on some trial launches using oranges, apples and whatever other fruit Wifey had laying around – results were very promising, definitely making it way out there in the lake. Not sure how much the ballistics characteristics of a flailing squirrel will differ from a nice round orange, but still confident they will hit the lake.

If I could cause the squirrel to spin on launch, I might improve on this…..

Unfortunately, Wifey got home and quickly surmised my plan – it has been put on hold indefinitely.

Something about a bad example for the kids, etc.

Mac.

[codinqueen]

1. I think the SPCA might not like your plan. What if squirrels can't swim? Drowning is not very humane.
2. You really need to get a life, don't you!

I often come up with harebrained ideas like yours and then a friend puts me back in my place by reminding me that I "need to get a life"........One of my best excuses is that I work from home and therefore don't get too much conversation with "normal" people.... another of my fave excuses is that my ancestors apparently married inter-familial, so I am hereditarily challenged through no fault of my own........what is your excuse if I may ask???

Please don't misunderstand....I am trying to be funny!!!!!

[archangle]

Go to youtube and look up "squirrel catapult."

[máirtín]

Mr McSnoresalot you sound an awful lot like Mr. Mac from Hayward.
Is it you?

[NotMuffy]

That reminds me of a great punch line...

"Is that a squirrel in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

Hmmm.

Seems to be missing something.

[NotMuffy]

That reminds me of a great punch line...

"Is that a squirrel in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

Hmmm.

Seems to be missing something.

OK, wait, I got it now...

"Does your squirrel like bananas?"

[NotMuffy]

That reminds me of a great punch line...

"Is that a squirrel in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

Hmmm.

Seems to be missing something.

OK, wait, I got it now...

"Does your squirrel like bananas?"

No, that's not it either...

[NotMuffy]

"A squirrel in the hand is worth 2 bananas?"

No, that wouldn't even be a buck...

[NotMuffy]

"A rolling banana gathers no..."

[fuzzy96]

sounds like a fun ride or should i say flight bit i don't want to be the first in line

[chunkyfrog]

After a rat chewed off some of the baby's toes, my grandfather caught one,
doused it with kerosene, set it on fire,
and let it loose. All rats departed the homestead.
It was around 1915, and probably winter, hence no prairie fire.
My aunt died in infancy of other causes.

[archangle]

After a rat chewed off some of the baby's toes, my grandfather caught one,
doused it with kerosene, set it on fire,
and let it loose. All rats departed the homestead.
It was around 1915, and probably winter, hence no prairie fire.
My aunt died in infancy of other causes.

You'd feel really dumb if the rat ran into a hole in the wall and set the house on fire.

[Jeeper]

Mac,

I guess how far a squirrel can swim would be dependent on the size of the fish in the lake. To a large fish the squirrel might be a snack. Or if your in the South, he might become 'gator food.

Jeeper

[NotMuffy]

After a rat chewed off some of the baby's toes, my grandfather caught one,
doused it with kerosene, set it on fire,
and let it loose.

THAT'S IT!!!

"Is that a rat on fire with kerosene in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

[chunkyfrog]

My grandfather had a hideous temper.
My grandmother suspected he killed a man.