Dating w/ a CPAP?

[sleepy.sleeperson]

Are there any single people out there who date and use a CPAP? At what point do you bring up the machine? Do you use it during "sleepovers?" Nothing on my horizon right now, but I am curious.

[reitzell]

I think you treat it as a non issue.

I have an extra one in the trunk of my car. I don't say a word. The night might end in me simply going home so no reason to bring it up.

If things went a little further then the extra cpap is in my over night bag. Along with all of the other stuff you need to sleep over at someone's house. Only at the point where I am going to sleepover do I then bring out then cpap and I set it up and simply say this helps me breath while I sleep. That's it. I've never had more then a "I've heard of that." or "Oh." kind of response... basically it's a non-issue.

First night I try and wait till the other person falls asleep first... snuggle whatever. This backfired on me recently when I fell asleep first and was snoring so loud she woke me up but normally I fall asleep second.

The device is setup to be as quite for them as possible. I never just let it blow. Mine will turn on if I start to breath with it off so there is no loud air flow and I turn it off before I remove it. etc... snuggling is done and they are asleep so I am conscious about just letting airflow blow on them so I arrange myself so this doesn't happen.

The only thing I think this does mess up for me in this "dating" phase and CPAP VS. pre CPAP is that the other person never wakes me up for additional ummmm... stuff. I think they must see all of the gear attached or hear the foreign sounds and just go back to be VS. waking me up and actually I'm ok with that that.

I was a lot more self conscious about it at first but really I find it to be a non issue.

Just my two cents on the topic,
Rob

[msradar65]

I have to agree with your post. Though I was out of town for a weekend I didn't wear my CPAP. It didn't turn out well. I had more than one night terror one night. So from now on. I wear CPAP.

Since this was the first time I was away from home...I was feeling very self conscious about wearing it.

[SleepingUgly]

I think you treat it as a non issue....

Rob, was there ever another night with the same person after using the CPAP? Just curious whether it intimidated your partners from wanting another sleepover, or not.

[pbach]

Wow, thanks for sharing such sensitive stuff. I have been on Cpap for a year. My husband a few weeks. He is beginning to adjust well. I miss snuggling though. He is beginning to become more comfortable sleeping with the mask. I am starting to adjust to the new non- snoring silence.

But I am just not sure how to handle exhalation hole. I think the air blowing right on one of us will be uncomfortable.

[mayondair]

Well it's been a really long time since I was single, but I have to think this may be a bit different for the ladies.

[JayC]

When I am ready for dating again (the reason I am not has nothing to do with CPAP!!), this will be a non-issue. I am beyond the place where casual sleepovers are fulfilling.......so potential partner will probably see my machine prior to even getting near a sleepover occasion!

My sleep is so precious I am not sure I could handle sharing a bed for sleeping purposes....for other reasons....well that is separate from sleep!!!

J

[Slartybartfast]

"My sleep is so precious I am not sure I could handle sharing a bed for sleeping purposes....for other reasons....well that is separate from sleep!!!"

It worked for Ozzie and Harriet and Ward and June Cleaver.

[Rodney_D]

Hmmmm. interesting. having been married 25 years, it never occurred to me that dating/sleepovers would be an issue. I would definitely be interested in continuing a relationship with someone that showed understanding about the need for cpap!

[xenablue]

When hubby and I snuggle, we just adjust the bedclothes so they block the path between my mask and him. I'm only 3 months into CPAP, but it really hasn't been an issue with us at all - except for him trying to make me talk with nasal pillows.

xena

[BigBear]

Being new to this as well, i have found "snuggling" isn't there at the minute, i'm using an s9 autoset, alltough silent, its the air blow from the mask thats the annoying part. the first mask i had scared the kids a little and the missus wasn't keen lol, but after getting the MIrage liberty i felt a lot more at ease....less obtrusive and more compact, plus it allowed me to roll over and actually try and enjoy the nights!
I'm sure most people out there would be willing to accept it and carry on...there loss if they don't. It would be nice to find out how others have actually coped with it. I have noticed i've started snoring whilst the mask is on...so at the minute i'm not in her good books lol...but time will tell

[ResmedUser]

I think you have to be a realist about it. There are some people who are gonna be majorly turned off by it and may break up with you. Others will learn to live with it.

I am not typical in that I am past the major dating age (teens thru thirties). Chronic illness from untreated sleep apnea took away my extreme late twenties and most of my thirties. I did not date much during that period, because I was so sick all the time...I almost died.

I still dont date much in that I am still rehabilitating my life and do not want to get involved with someone until I am satisfied with my rehab period. That will be another year. Maybe a little more. But I really think you would need to be "real" about it. I think if there is strong chemistry there, the person will overlook the CPAP gear.

Mikey

[sleepy.sleeperson]

Yes, Rob, thank you for sharing such personal stuff. When I asked the question, I wasn't really thinking how "intimate" of a question it really is. I appreciate the responses. I admit that when I first got the machine home and settled in and the mask on, I thought, how in the world am I supposed to date people with this thing? I guess the bottom line is, discuss beforehand, and if it's a problem, then forget about him.

[reitzell]

It's the little blemish on your forehead that keeps you from going out that no one really cares about. You got this condition; dance anyways.

[brianrus]

This is a good topic, because there are certainly some self-confidence issues when it comes to letting even friends or family know that you are using this machine at night to help you sleep. You can convince yourself all you want that it's better to be healthy than "cool" but it's still inherently embarrassing to break out the machine when you are going to stay away from home.

I'm 33, and started this up a year ago, just after ending a 3+ year relationship (not osa related!), and have since been hesitant to get myself back out there to start dating. I have been told I'm a good looking guy, have a great career, own a house, usually confident in talking with the opposite sex, and yet I still have been worried about bringing a girl home to introduce her to my machine. I'm not the type to be looking for one night stands, but I can't help but think seeing the machine by the bed would kill the mood for any such encounter. Every guy wants to be a bit mysterious, spontaneous, and healthy, and suddenly turning into Woody Allen ("Oh, please excuse me, um.. I have to.. um.. hook this mask up to my face.. um.. so I can breathe.") doesn't seem like it enhances those traits.

I have very mild apnea, and I'm still debating on my "need" for it, but I can certainly go stay away from home for a night and not require my road equipment without much issue. But at some point, any girl I date is going to have to accept the fact that in order for me to be in a good mood and have energy to be myself, I have to strap the hose to my face. In the little bit of dating I have done since being diagnosed, I have just let it come up if it comes up, and haven't tried to force it into any conversation. One girl I dated for a while immediately related to it, saying her dad used it, etc. and was accepting (though I never actually brought it with me when I stayed over her place!) Bottom line is though, if she's really into you, she'll accept just about anything about you, no matter how odd.

I guess the biggest issue for anyone trying to meet someone is that you want to avoid anything that will hurt your chances, whatever it is, so we can maximize our appeal. So when we look at our use of the cpap, we can't help but think that this is something that likely will cause us to become less appealing to a certain percentage of those we date. When in reality, we don't need every person we date to like us, and there will likely be plenty of dates that don't work out for a million other reasons other than cpap. We just need the one person we're interested in, to like us for who we are, hose and all.