The Family CPAP Revisited

[mikemoran]

I wrote recently about my eight foot snow globe inspired whole house CPAP and thought I should provide an update. In the end I had to scrap the whole project. Not only did the ASPCA accuse me of feline abuse, but it turned out the whole house CPAP was too much like the snow globe. Once the first cold snap hit we had our own personal blizzard. The wife was none to happy when I had to bring in the snow blower just to make a path to the bed. Also it was a big hassle getting those chains on the cat so it could navigate its way to the litter box.

Have to admit I had gotten pretty spoiled being able to fall asleep where ever I wanted knowing I was still getting this wonderful therapy. Well I may not be able to supply CPAP therapy to the whole family but there was no reason I should suffer. So it was off to Plan B to make sure CPAP was available where I was most likely to repose.

Using the refund from the cases of Chapstick I had bought, (the family was running through that stuff faster than transvestites on Jerry Springer), I headed off to Home Depot and invested in PVC piping. I ran piping from the bedroom to my recliner, the computer desk and, just in case the conversation got too boring, the dining room. Took some talking but finally convinced my wife that she could tell her friends it was the latest in Retro-Tech décor.

After the slight error of accidentally hooking it into the water supply (talk about Rain Out), I was ready to roll. Now clearly my little puffer was no match for miles of tubing so I hooked it up my old ShopVac and had pressure to spare. Strategic placement in the kid’s bathroom gave me heated humidification.

Now my only problem was working out the remote control. I tossed out the idea of kid power, as they weren’t always there and getting the wife to run up and down the stairs for me was a non starter. Thank god for the guy who invented the Clapper. Nearly broke my wrist trying to be loud enough, but the addition of a baby monitor quickly solved that.

When I am in the mood for a nap I just pop on the mask, give myself a round of applause for being compliant and head off to dreamland. Sure it sometimes smells like my son’s dirty socks he leaves in the bathroom, but the high from the PVC glue fumes more than makes up for that. Except for the cat missing his crash helmet everything turned out pretty sweet.

[PhillyPat]

Mike--Have you ever thought of publishing a CPAP handbook? I crack up every time I read your pieces. They should all be published. I can't think of a better gift for a new CPAP user to help get over the trauma of becoming a hosehead! PhillyPat

[ozij]

I just pop on the mask, give myself a round of applause for being compliant and head off to dreamland.

Bravo, Mike. Here's a big round of applause from me...

O.