support

[kb1]

i have only been diagnosed a few weeks with OSA .. i have struggled with sleeping since.
i have been seeing my RT and DME .. working with them to troubleshoot my sleep.
the problem i have now is my spouse does not believe in sleep apnea he thinks it is a way for companies to make money..
he does not want to hear me talk about it at all. .he said if it doesnt affect him he does not care ..
now i want to stop using the machine all together. . so i think if he doesnt care why should i.

[Janknitz]

I'm sorry that you have a spouse that is not supportive. My guess is that he won't be very supportive when you develop severe heart disease, diabetes, or have a stroke due to untreated sleep apnea either. Some men cannot see past the tip of their own noses when it comes to things like this--until it affects HIM. But if you let him convince you not to be treated, it IS going to affect you in a big way.

So I suggest you put on your big girl panties and learn how to live with the hose. You can get plenty of support for that here—we are all in the same boat. If you let us know what the biggest irritants are with CPAP, we can give you lots of practical suggestions to help it be more comfortable and get you back to sleep. And we are a place you can come and talk to others who know exactly what you are going through. We'll listen and care.

Unfortunately, you are going to have to find another kind of forum for how to live with your lout of a husband.

[robysue]

It is sad that your husband is not able to be supportive at this time.

It sounds like he might be in denial of the seriousness of a sleep apnea diagnosis to you: There is a lot to get used to---for both the CPAPer and the bed partner. And he may well be grieving the loss of your normal pre-CPAP bedtime routine. And since you're having adjustment problems, he may feel like you're being "too needy" right now and he may be wishing he could have the "old" you back---particularly if you were not experiencing any daytime symptoms that were bad enough to interfere with your life. I'm not trying to defend his actions---I'm only pointing out that he may be acting like a heel for reasons other than simply being an overall jerk, and that in time he may eventually accept that your sleep apnea is real, won't magically disappear, and that he needs to be supportive of you since you're the one with the apnea.

If your husband is willing to, you might want to have him come with you to all your appointments with the sleep doctor and his support nursing/PA staff. Maybe hearing from one of them what the serious consequences of untreated sleep apnea will help him better understand what you are going through right now.

Try leaving some printouts of reputable sites (like WebMD perhaps) around in obvious places where your husband might find and read them. Printouts of sites that detail both what apnea is and why it needs to be treated is what I'm thinking about. Don't make a point of asking him to read them---if he asks why they're there, just say that you needed to print it out to read it more easily and that you left it on the table (or whatever) so that you could get back to it later.

And by all means, come here whenever you need support that you feel like you're not getting at home from your husband.

And good luck!

PS: Any luck yet in getting to sleep with less effort?

[OutaSync]

In your past posts you have said that your mask is comfortable and you have no leaks. Can you figure out why you are not sleeping? Has the medication helped any? Try to tell us what you think is bothering you the most (besides your uncaring and totally selfish husband).

Some of us have family support and some of us come here for support. We are all in this together and you won't find a better supportive group than you will find here. Feel free to rant, rave and whine any time. But keep on using your machine and do it for YOU.

Bev

[chunkyfrog]

My husband was fine with my machine-mostly.
He griped about the noise and the blowing air; but I know he suffered with my LOUD snoring for years.
I took him to a meeting of the support group, and the speaker discussed atrial fibrillation and other side effects of untreated apnea.
Now he has his own machine--AND IT'S BETTER THAN MINE.
Your husband may be going through some denial of his own--maybe he suspects he might have it, too.

[cflame1]

try this link

http://www.pur-sleep.com/content/?id=29

[kb1]

Thank you for your support and replies - I did do well with my Swift FX mask for a short time ..
i have a blocked left sinus from 2 past surgeries. I was up all night trying to wear it .. constantly adjusting the pillows thinking they were not in right ..and one other complaint was the air made the mask too cold .. i wanted to like and wear that one because it was less bulky opposed to the others - i thought if i had my doc order me a sleep med i would certainly have a good night sleep.. he gave me rozerem - i took that for 5 nights it never worked .. i called and told him .. he now has given me ambien to replace the rozerem .. i visited my RT and she asked that i try a nasal mask .. she said rarely patients with a blocked sinus use Swift FX well .. she also suggested a heated hose .. So .. i had an appointment with the DME therapist and she agreed with my sleep doc RT .. she gave me a Flexifit407 and a heated hose .. she showed me how to adjust the EPA also .. I took a nap with it when i got home and totally fell asleep - i had a good night last night also with n problems other than the bridge of my nose hurting just a bit - i did not use ambien either ..i fell asleep without it.
I may not need ambien now that i have a more comfortable mask that i do not have to constanty move to fit.
When i talked about this with my husband he snapped and told me if it does not affect him he does not care so dont talk to him about it and laughed. Just made me feel like ..well if he doesnt care why should i .. to be honest this is how it is with anything that goes wrong with me physically and other areas . . this is just one more thing. . non supportive.

[OutaSync]

The heated hose and the change of mask were both good ideas and I'm glad it is working better for you. Before you get a sore on the bridge of your nose, try padding it with a soft piece of material or a small bandaid. For a more permanent solution, try the nose bridge protectors made by padacheek.com.

Once you get your therapy working and you are sleeping well, your husband will be a believer. Until then, just talk about it with us. Someone is always here.

And just so you don't feel so bad, when I told my grown son that I had sleep apnea and was using CPAP, he said, "Oh, mom, you don't believe in all that crap, do you?" Really hurt my feelings.

Bev

[Jersey Girl]

I once had a husband who was never concerned when I was ill - even when I spent 5 days in the hospital with heart arythmias. When he was sick, I took very good care of him. When I had pneumonia, he took my daughter out horseback riding and I had to call his mother to take me for a chest x-ray. Needless to say, he is now my ex-husband. I have since remarried someone who is far more supportive. That said, I don't think that men in general are as supportive as they should be when their wife has a medical condition. I think that we are the care-givers and nurterers and more often that not, they are on the receiving end of that.

It's really difficult when your partner is not supportive of a health issue. So, whenever you feel like talking or venting, we are all here for you. We care about you. You will must continue to take good care of yourself - that is very important!

Warmly,

Jersey Girl

[Stormynights]

When i talked about this with my husband he snapped and told me if it does not affect him he does not care so dont talk to him about it and laughed. Just made me feel like ..well if he doesnt care why should i ..

Because someone has to care about you! It is a good thing to take care of yourself. If you don't who else will? Do you have another support person? You deserve to be taken care of. We all do. If we don't have someone to do this for us we have to do it for ourself. If he got sick would he expect help from you?

[Topsail Girl]

welllll kb1 - I'm guessing by what you have posted that your husband doesn't really care one way or the other about anything unless it concerns him. That concerns ME!! We will be very supportive with your sleep apnea issues but I do believe you have more issues than SA at hand. Maybe suggest a support group meeting, couseling, something that your hubs can join in on. If he refuses then I'd boot his arse to the curb without a second glance. Now that is just ME - not suggesting you do it if you don't truley want to but I'm not one to go through life without the love and support of my family........no matter what I've gone through in life my hubs has always been there. There is no way I could have survuved the illnesses I've had without that support.