Fear of being "addicted" to cpap

gulfpearl · Post by **gulfpearl** » Sun Nov 20, 2005 11:32 pm

How can I convince my husband I am not becoming "addicted" to the cpap. I tell him I sleep all the time with it on because I wake up feeling better. I tell him if I don't use it my pre- cpap symptoms reappear, & I
donot want to feel like crap upon awaking. He says he knows all of that ,but he still fears I may become so used to the cpap that I will not be able to sleep without it. Any suggestions?

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Bonnie · Post by **Bonnie** » Mon Nov 21, 2005 12:32 am

Well for one thing, sleeping with it ALL the time is a must. I don't think anyone is ever "addicted" to it, just smart enough to know that without it your health is at risk. It would be the same as someone taking a medication to keep them alive, they are not addicted to the medication but need it to live. Most people on cpap will be for life.

ozij · Post by **ozij** » Mon Nov 21, 2005 2:08 am

Are diabetic "addicted" to insulin? Would he worry about insulin addiction if you were on it?

Is you husband aware that the human brain is addicted to oxygen?

And - forgive this rather personal comment, I do mean well -
Is it possible that your husband husband has trouble handling the change is the relationship, now that you are no longer such a passive, tired, brain fogged little wifey that depends on his greater wisdom ?

How about not even trying to convince him?

O.

sleepyred · Post by **sleepyred** » Mon Nov 21, 2005 5:55 am

I think my hubby is addicted to my cpap! We always thought the sleep issues were his because of his size, thick neck, etc. It was mine - now he is sleeping through the night and feeling so much better! I was so restless and not breathing correctly, that I was waking him up as well!

Now we are both sleeping soundly.....in fact - last night was the 1st night I did not wake up all night long! A first for me!

Sleepless on LI · Post by **Sleepless on LI** » Mon Nov 21, 2005 6:04 am

gulfpearl wrote:but he still fears I may become so used to the cpap that I will not be able to sleep without it. Any suggestions?

Don't ever sleep without it unless a doctor tells you that you were miraculously cured. I don't understand what the problem is. You're doing the right thing. Like Ozij suggested, perhaps it's he who needs to work this out in his mind because you, my dear, are doing the right thing.

WAFlowers · Post by **WAFlowers** » Mon Nov 21, 2005 6:18 am

O presented one theory: your husband is annoyed by a new-found independence since you began treatment.

I have another theory: he is jealous of the relationship you have with the equipment that is saving your life. Don't laugh; I've seen it happen!

You climb into bed, kiss him goodnight (maybe), then put on the headgear and he becomes largely ignored as you focus on getting quality, life-saving sleep. You are no longer available and attentive to him at that point.

And here is where my amateur psychology skills fail: I haven't a clue what to suggest you do about it. Anyone else have an idea?

Sleepless on LI · Post by **Sleepless on LI** » Mon Nov 21, 2005 6:22 am

And my idea was totally different. Perhaps he is really bothered by the equipment and wants the "regular" girl he's used to back, the one that could snuggle, etc. You can't blame him, but he has to understand, if that is the case, it's saving your life.

Any of those scenarios are not far-fetched and could be the reason for what he is expressing. Perhaps he just needs some time to adjust, too.

WAFlowers · Post by **WAFlowers** » Mon Nov 21, 2005 6:34 am

Lori, I see your idea as a varient on mine; that the jealousy is an outgrowth of the scenario you present.

gulfpearl, I'd suggest that instead of dismissing your husband's (unfounded) concerns that you sit down with him and listen to him. Don't try to change his mind, but do try to get to the underlying cause of his fears and concerns. He has something that is bothering him and it is manifesting in his unreasonable concern of addiction (as if we could be addicted to breathing). Hopefully, with loving understanding on your part, he'll work this through.

If we ignore how ridiculous his statement is for a moment and think about what he is saying, he is worried/concerned/upset that you will be addicted; that is, that you will have to wear some headgear contraption and be hooked up to a machine every night for the rest of your life. Why should this bother him? Apparently he doesn't want you "addicted"; that is, he wants you able to be without it sometimes or at some time in the future.

Why? Why should he want you to be able to do without the equipment.

Maybe it is a very real concern for you; he doesn't want to see you as being "disabled" and "dependent".

Or maybe it is one of the other suggestions I and others have made. Or maybe something else altogether.

Try and get him to discuss it with you and open up to the real underlying cause of what he is feeling. It won't be easy; like peeling away layers of an onion. But if you can succeed it will be good for both of you and your ralationship. You'll turn him into a cheerleader who will be actively helping and supporting you, instead of someone who wishes you weren't wearing all that gear.

yardbird · Post by **yardbird** » Mon Nov 21, 2005 8:02 am

I don't know if I'm reading this right, but I *can* relate from personal experience the following:
I resisted putting my CPAP on and often fell asleep without it. Why? Because I felt like as soon as I put it on, I had negated any possibility of spontaneous ... ummm... affection. Let's face it. It ain't real attractive. My wife and I finally had a discussion about it after several MONTHS. Why do we put off talking to someone we've chosen to spend our life with about something so intimately important? *shrug* I don't have an answer for that one. I can say, however, that once she understood that when I put on "the gear", I am not necessarily counting on going right to sleep and if she has other ideas, the gear comes off pretty easily, everything was fine. I am not fragile. I am not in some mysterious coma when I put on my CPAP. I can be touched and snuggled. But sometimes it takes a conversation in detail and on a personal level to get this resolved.

Hoping I've read this correctly. Otherwise I've just spilled a bunch of very personal beans.

ozij · Post by **ozij** » Mon Nov 21, 2005 8:06 am

WAFlowers wrote: I'd suggest that instead of dismissing your husband's (unfounded) concerns that you sit down with him and listen to him. Don't try to change his mind, but do try to get to the underlying cause of his fears and concerns. He has something that is bothering him and it is manifesting in his unreasonable concern of addiction (as if we could be addicted to breathing). Hopefully, with loving understanding on your part, he'll work this through

Bill, to use one of RG's favorite terms: you're a good'un.

And your Wilma is very fortunate.... correction, you both are.

Great advice.
O.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Nov 21, 2005 8:07 am

Yardbird,

Aw, sounds like you two have a great relationship and are able to express your feelings and communicate well with each other. Unfortunately, I'm afraid not everyone is as fortunate as you and may have trouble getting their feelings out onto the table when it comes to this issue. Or maybe it's a matter of first having to identify and put into place how each one feels about it and then being comfortable enough with it to express it to the other. But great post and I'm so happy that you two have such a wonderful relationship. Hopefully most others will be as blessed.

Sleepless on LI · Post by **Sleepless on LI** » Mon Nov 21, 2005 8:08 am

Oops, got guested, Yardbird...that was me!

Severeena · Post by **Severeena** » Mon Nov 21, 2005 3:39 pm

Before you put the headgear on and start ramping up, take 10 to 15 minutes to cuddle.

I am so lucky that in the middle of the night if we feel spontaneous, we turn off the machines, take the headgear off and it is wonderful. We kiss, then put the headgear back on turn on the machines and go back to sleep.

If you notice I am using the plural because Tom and I are both on CPAP and APAP.

Lovey Dovey can work it has its ways.

Geocom · Post by **Geocom** » Mon Nov 21, 2005 4:21 pm

Your husband just plain 'ol does not understand addiction. He does not understand what the word means, what it implies, or how addictions manifests themselves.

There is a good primer on addiction here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Addiction

If your husband even hints that you should not use your machine as prescribed by your doctor, you should find yourself another husband!

chrisp · Post by **chrisp** » Mon Nov 21, 2005 4:25 pm

Not addicted......more like knowing that this therapy works.

Sort of like knowing that you will be more comfortable going out in the cold with your coat on than without. You can live without it for a while but eventually you will succomb to hypothermia and freeze to DEATH.

:twis ted:

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