Doctors reactions to male vs. female complaints

[elena88]

HI there..

Do you feel your doctor would listen to you in the same manner no matter what sex you were?


Have you had any experiences where you felt you were given more or less attention because of your sex?

have you had an experience where you felt some doctors think if a women complains about something,
it probably is not as serious if a man mentions it?

Please share your stories..

here is mine:

I have had this experience. My husband and I went to the same orthopedic doctor.
Husband complains about a very minor problem, ends up with royal treatment and doc orders physical therapy.
I go to same doctor with something much more severe, doctor dismisses my complaints, sends me on my way.

( I went in by myself without my husband, I think there would have been a much different outcome if he could have been there,
so now I dont go to any appt without him. I almost feel like Im going to get my car worked on and need "back up" when I see a doctor)

It is not that I would be taken advantage of by a male or female in any other setting, however it is difficult to get into a "used car dealer"
antagonistic relationship with your physician.. it usually doenst end well..

[kteague]

Wow, that would really yank my chain to have a doctor I felt I needed to have my spouse with me to get the proper attention. WOW! Can I say it again? WOW! What did you husband say about the ortho situation?

I guess I can't fairly make a comparison, because even though I've been married, the situation was reversed, as my husbands wanted me there to hear what their doctors said when they went in, but I can't remember ever having anyone else present at my appointments. I have felt totally demeaned by a couple doctors, but I can't say if they would or wouldn't treat a man the same way. I just know one was a total jerk, the other had unsubstantiated arrogance.

While I can say I've known exceptions to this (as with all stereotypes), I've heard many a remark thru the years about how hard it is to get a man to go to the doctor. If this stereotype is what a doctor believes, I would imagine if a man complains they figure it must be a really big deal. I don't know. I do know I wouldn't continue with a doctor I felt that way about.

[elena88]

I know a lot of men hate to go to doctors, and many women do to.

I am one of them. I have stayed away from doctors as much as possible.

It really pissed me off when I went to the orthopedic with my husband and watched how he was treated..
Like a king..
I thought, wow, this doctor is going above and beyond to help my husband, so I thought, maybe he would help me too..

Sure didnt turn out that way..

This doctor was nasty to me, and acted like I was taking up his time for no reason..

My husband told me, when I explained what happened.. that I didnt know how to "work the system.."

and that I should have complained about the pain more... but I have an extremely high tolerance for pain,
and of course he doesnt..

I think many women are brought up not to complain and many men are brought up to "suck it up"
which doesnt make for an easy communication session with a physician.

[donnafowler]

I believe this is completely true. I went to a rheumatologist because of joint pain that had gone on for six months. I had been referred by my PCP. He spent two minutes looking at me, said there was nothing wrong, that we "sometimes have pain as we age, and that the medically untrained are always looking for an excuse for our problems." And, come back in three months. Okay, pain as we age, sure, but I am talking about pain and stiffness that keeps me from dressing myself and holding a cup.

Rheumatologist # 2 is slightly better, but I go in armed with bloodwork my allergist had run at my request (now this doc, the allergist, is a good guy, he figured out I had sleep apnea and sent me for a sleep study on my first visit to him after years of complaining to my PCP about being tired AND he suspected GERD and sent me to an ENT--again, he was right only it is actually LPRD). The new rheumatologist thinks it is worth looking into--until he reads the note from rheumy #1--then it is back to, "well, you are over 40 and I see you take an antidepressant--maybe you are just depressed?" Maybe you need some physical therapy--So I spend three months doing PT and the physical therapist--a woman--says there is no way I don't have something going on because she can feel all of my joints inflammed. ARGH!!!

The next time I see the doctor, I take my husband, who patiently explains that he has to do my buttons, that I can't hold a glass, and have lots of other weird stuff going on. BINGO. Let's send you for an MRI! Turns out I have rheumatoid arthritis and he is working much harder for me now-I am taking methotrexate, prednisone, and starting Remicade this week. If I had not kept pushing, I would be in much worse shape, because my bloodwork is coming back worse every time, even on the meds.

It is sooo infuriating!

[howkim]

Hi, Elena,

I've seen research reports that tell just how pervasive your experience is. It's supposed to be getting better, but ....

[DoriC]

Elena, that's a good thread, I'll be interested in the replies. I worked for a well respected Cardio for several years and assisted on patient visits when the RN wasn't available. I remember on some occasions if a male patient complained of even vague cardio symptoms he got a complete workup from A to Z without mentioning any outside factors. If it was a female presenting with these same symptoms, one of the first questions he asked was "are you under any stress or having any anxiety"? I can't say it happened all the time but often enough that I remember.

[SleepingUgly]

If there is a tendency for doctors to take men's complaints more seriously than women's, do you think that is only true of male doctors or female doctors as well?

[elena88]

Great replies everyone!
Very interesting to hear each and every one of your stories..


Yes, many women go to the doctor, no matter what the complaint...

the doctor asks them about stress..

"OH yes, I have stress, see this bone protruding from my leg, I find it very stressful! "



Anyway...
This is why I never went about my insomnia.. I would have be given a pat on the head, and given a lecture about stress..


Does anyone notice that female physicians are better at listening to women?

Its been a mixed bag for me, the worst doctor I have ever had in my life was female, but I think she was socially retarded.
Doesnt make for a good bedside manner.

[Janknitz]

Truthfully, I don't think in my experience it's been a male/female thing. Maybe because my first career was in the medical field (for 20 years) and I speak "medicalese" fluently, plus the career I'm in now is very demanding and requires a high degree of education--no doctor is going to get away with underestimating me.

But I do feel that there is a lot of medical discrimination based on the fact that I am obese. Too many things are written off with the explanation that if I'd "just lose some weight". Some of these issues were present when I weighed 110 poounds soaking wet--they are not caused by my obesity. Weight loss WILL help almost anything, but I'm tired of being written off simply because they see the weight before anything else.

Men can get away with carrying more weight on their frames and don't have the hormonal issues that contribute to the weight. So, from that standpoint, I do think there's a difference between how men and women who are overweight are treated.

[grandmma]

( I went in by myself without my husband, I think there would have been a much different outcome if he could have been there,
so now I dont go to any appt without him. I almost feel like Im going to get my car worked on and need "back up" when I see a doctor)

Its been a mixed bag for me, the worst doctor I have ever had in my life was female, but I think she was socially retarded.
Doesnt make for a good bedside manner.

I'm a lot older than many of you posting on this poll, and I have to say, I've not noticed this phenomenon. It could be I've always gone to the doctor alone, as my ex would never have bothered to accompany me, and he certainly wouldn't have gone to one himself, even if at death's door, so perhaps I've never had a comparison.

However, my current doctor is female, and is fantastic. She's the one who diagnosed my apnea, and that of my son. Is (almost always) spot on diagnostically all the time so far. Although, whilst she was correct in diagnosing my daughter-in-law's several complicated and rare health issues, which no one else had caught, both her & the specialists did get her infertiility wrong, I'm pleased to say. According to them, she still should be, but 2 daughters later ..... just shows they can't tell everything, despite all the modern gizmos these days!

Previous male doctors I've had also seem to have been wonderful, and very proactive, as far of course as I'd know, not being in the medical profession myself.

My daughter's doctor is also female, and again is fantastic.

Elena, I'd be so angry if this happened to me - yes, we're brought up as females to "suck it up, sunshine", but doctors should not also be buying into this behaviour. And if you want good treatment, what do you do? No real choice but to suck it up, take the hubby along, and let them get away with it. What's that phrase? Something along the lines of "what am I going to do? Moan and groan like an impotent jerk, then bend over and take it up the tailpipe", so to speak. Grrrr.

[JohnBFisher]

Greetings! Though I do not dispute this attitude, I suggest that sometimes it is more of the doctors attitude than an attitude toward women in general. But don't get me wrong. I've seen my wife treated poorly by sales people. I marched into the sales manager's office and then explained why they lost the sale of a car, appliance, etc. I might not be able to fix that situation for my wife, but I refuse to encourage such attitudes by then purchasing from such a company.

Anyway, some doctors forget that their education does not equal graduation for normal mortality. In other words, some forget they are merely human. I went for YEARS having doctors completely ignore my central apnea. I even had one tell me that CSA is VERY rare, so I could not have it. I asked, what does the sleep study show. He noted that it showed some CSA events, but I could not have it. Now, I know that not all doctors finish at the top of their class. But REALLY? To borrow from Forrest Gump: "Stupid is as stupid does"!!

As a result of this attitude from my previous sleep doctors, it led to Type 2 Diabetes and uncontrolled blood pressure. My doctor who deals with kidney disease thinks the uncontrolled high blood pressure (not the Type 2 Diabetes) led to some kidney damage. Now that I'm on my ASV unit (because my current doctor believed me and decided to TEST to see if the symptoms and tests indicated therapy was needed), my other health issues are stable.

And all that damage because those doctors IGNORED the facts that were staring them in the face.

So, do I think doctors can be arrogant pains in the tail end. Absolutely. This had nothing to do with male / female attitude. Though those same arrogant SOBs would probably be worse with their female patients, the fact is that a poor attitude toward patients tends to be gender neutral. It's more to do with the doctor than their attitude toward women. Though poor attitude toward patients will probably be that much worse toward women.

So, I do understand your concerns. Just remember than an SOB will be an SOB toward men and women.

[TheTwinsMom1]

I have dealt with this before. I have been complaining of sleeping issues for the past 10 years and they kept telling me I was having sleeping troubles because I had young children. I was like, My kids have been sleeping all night for the past 6 years, please get a new excuse.

I have also seen this with male doctors and my weight. They blame all my issues on my weight even if there is no relation at all. I finally found a great NP that I love who takes my complaints seriously.

[roster]

A side point is that doctors have a history of quickly and frequently prescribing sedatives and antidepressants to women while they rarely do this with men. Women are overprescribed mind-altering drugs. Men are also, but not as much as women.

As a man, I have had good and bad experiences with both male and female doctors. The gender no longer matters to me. I have had finger waves by both male and female doctors. Their gender makes no difference - it is unpleasant in either case.

The best approach to medical services is like buying a used car. Assess your needs. Do plenty of research. Be skeptical about everything you are told. Use your critical thinking skills to analyze the "car" that is proposed for you. Make sure you are in control of the situation. The doctor will offer you a "car", but it is your decision whether it fits your needs and whether you will buy it. A 24-hour "cooling off" period before deciding on the car is often a good idea.

Rarely do I let the doctor fax or electronically transfer a prescription to a pharmacy. Take it on paper. One reason is to price shop plus check for coupons and special offers. If it is for a drug you never used before, go home and research it on the internet and call some trusted friends about it. Don't hesitate to call the doctor's office back with questions before filling the prescription.

And remember, there are other "used car lots" that would like to have your business.

[elena88]

hi there..

very interesting stories, all of them!

Well big light bulb went off on this one!

Here I have been thinking that I shouldn't get in an adversarial relationship with any doctor, but confrontation is one of my biggest strengths..

I have always folded up that part of me as soon as opened the door to the waiting room.. ugh....

I am a new or used car salesman worst nightmare.. My friends ask me to go car shopping with them, as I find so much sport in it.

There will be no more waving fingers at me, I can, and have taken my "health" business elsewhere.

Not only that, but I think I might even write a letter about the shabby treatment I have received... maybe a little closure is in order.

I have never taken a drug without researching it first, which has ended up saving my life on two occasions..

Great idea to always get the script in your hand, thanks for that tip!

[roster]

Note that I proposed an "in control" position. If the patient makes it an adversarial relationship, the patient will not be in control.

If a buyer creates an adversarial position with the car salesman, he will cut himself off from good information that the salesman has and will not get the best offer.

Doctors and car salesmen have to make a salary and a profit, but their human nature makes them work harder for people they take a liking to and people who show them respect.

The one thing you do not want to do is try to show the doctor how smart you are. Here in the South many of us learned how to present ourselves to arrogant people as admirers earnestly seeking their wisdom and help. In meetings we know what we are doing but we don't let the doctor know. You can speak diffidently and unassumingly to a doctor and let him have his say, while you know that you will continue to question until you get the information you need and also knowing that you will make the final decision and have the option of seeking another opinion.

After a poor in-lab titration, a poor prescription and poor advice on managing my sleep, I bullied my current sleep doctor to get what I needed at that time and I don't regret bullying her. It got me what I needed in a hurry. However, it took a couple of office visits and several referrals I sent to her with the message, "Rooster said to come to you and he speaks highly of you", to get back on a friendly partnership relationship - the best way to get results. (This doc was relatively new to sleep medicine and insecure when I had that titration but over the last three years she learned much and became more secure.)

You will do better if you are in control. You will do the best if you are in control but you let the doctor think it was his idea all along.