My failing career

[MauraAnderson]

(borrows jbf's soapbox and hopes no one minds the newbie speaking her mind)

THIS is your current reality. While I would also mourn for where you may have been in the past, you need to deal with TODAY. Until you do, and you decide to succeed in spite of your health issues in whatever way you choose to define success, you will NOT get better. You will NOT suddenly wake up one day and care if your assignment gets done. You will NOT suddenly have your problems solved. You will NOT suddenly salvage a career or create a new career.

YOU have to deal with it. Your OSA is taking a toll on you and has for years but you are crippling yourself with your attitude.

You have a condition that is treatable and you have at least one method of treatment at hand. Refusing to use that treatment because you think it looks bad to others or your are ashamed of doing so proves WHAT?

None of us will ever be again the person we were just yesterday, let alone years ago. It's called LIFE.

For myself, I use a CPAP and I AM a winner - I persevered to find out what was wrong, embraced treatment for my OSA (and some other stuff I'm working on) and I REFUSE to give up. The minute I give up, I become a victim and I am NO victim. I am a survivor, thank you very much.

My 2010 goal is to lose 100 lbs and undergo celiac testing. I can't lose 100 lbs in a year? - just WATCH ME.

Is Steven Hawking a wimp?

(wipes the soapbox off again, and puts it away, blushing at the rant)

- Maura

[bearded_two]

I am confused, sleep apnea doesn't require surgeries or pain. The various apnea surgeries do cause pain, but that would have been your choice to make --and I think that it is a wrong choice. CPAP isn't painful if its done right. I would think that you should be happy that you finally found what was causing your fatigue and whatever other problems apnea was causing you. CPAP takes getting used to -- man up and use the damn thing.

[mars]

Quote GiantRed

I seriously might be homeless real soon and I have too much pride to ask family to have me move in with them. I'm not going to wear this life support thing in front of them, I'd rather be under the streets collecting change. End Quote

Well, maybe pride will destroy you, it is very good at it.. The first thing I did when I started recovery was get rid of pride, it is one of the most worthless character traits to have. Without it you might survive and get well, then you can be pleased and have satisfaction in your achievements.

Hi GiantRed

It doesn't matter how many people have had their life affected by obstructive sleep apnea worse than you, and it doesn't matter how many have been affected less than you.

All that should matter to you is living the best life you can, and taking the steps you need to do that.

Step One - Say to yourself 10,000 times every day - how will whining and self-pity help me get better - and do this every day until you figure out the answer.

Step Two - in conjunction with Step One - use your machine every night. Take note of any problems - those you cannot sort out yourself see your sleep doctor or use the Forum.

Step Three- In conjunction with Steps one and Two - ask yourself how using the cpap machine is helping others get a better life, and consider how it can do the same for you.

You are not a special case.

Step Four - strong women and men allow themselves to be vulnerable, face reality, and do what they need to do for themselves. They do not allow others to disrespect what they need to do. If necessary, they piss them off.

It's up to you.

Good luck

cheers

Mars

[JohnBFisher]

... but has anyone suffered so much from sleep apnea ...

By the way, I want to make it very clear that I grabbed that soapbox because I've gone through years of hell with sleep. My rant was not as much a tirade against you as against all of us when we fail to grab onto the tools we can and should use. TRUST ME, I speak from my own experience. Due to poorly managed sleep apnea:

• I am about 130 pounds overweight
• I have Type 2 Diabetes
• I have hypertension

Rather than working with my healthcare team and insisting on a resolution, I let it go on and on and on ... I would not wish this hell on anyone. As a result, I hope to short circuit the same pain I went through. I want you healthy. I want you to claim your health and RUN with it.

Do, I understand? You bet I do! And I want you to get angry at the situation and make stuff happen. And lordy, lordy, do I ever understand how very, very hard it is to work against both the system and really, really crudy sleep. My wife has seen me in tears several nights and mornings when I was unable to get ANY sleep. It's hell. Like I say, I want a much better outcome for you.

So, pardon my rant, but understand it's because I want better for you than my own experience.

[MauraAnderson]

I want you to get mad and SEIZE control. I'm also not trying to be cruel but I'm a survivor of some nasty child abuse and the only thing that helped me when I was so depressed that I seriously had a gun on the table in front of my was to give up my pity-party, take control and refuse to be anyone's or any disease's victim ever again. My victories are precious to me and worth more than anyone else's opinions or ridicule.

I want YOU to get there too.

I've been in tears over some of this. I still have the occasional pity party but I don't let myself linger in it - I can't. Surviving and winning means picking myself off the floor and trying again and again.

You can do it, but you have to WANT to.

- Maura

[carbonman]

“Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.”

[SuperGeeky]

“Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.”

Well said Carbonman!!!

What works for me, not judging those around me and focusing on myself. I don't know many folks who can discern an illness when your OK one day and a walking 'Zombie' the next...

My wife has to pick up the slack if I'm less productive. She's tired too... Resentment can easily manifest, household can start to shutdown.

She used the Oximeter the other night, guess what?? Sleep disordered breathing, saturation falling below 90%.. That's why judging and assuming can get me in trouble. I'm not the only one not feeling well...

Happy New Year in advance,

SG

[Disneymama]

My undiagnosed OSA was ruining my life. My career was suffering to the point that my managers actually removed me from my job where I had been on track for a promotion and placed me in another one because I just couldn't keep up. I was calling in sick all the time because I caught every illness that walked by me or I was just plain too tired to go in and my coworkers were tired of picking up my slack. I was a top analyst and I got shuffled down the deck to a dead end desk. That hurt. A lot. I went from doctor to doctor because nobody knew what was wrong with me. I was told that I had fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, TMJ disorder, and severe depression. There is no surefire cure for any one of those things. I tried med after med, physical therapy, orthadontic appliances, prayer... The day I found out that I had OSA was the one of the happiest days of my life. Are you kidding me? There is a safe, effective treatment that will actually work for me? That was the greatest gift I ever got.

You've been diagnosed. You have the tools. You're already ahead of the game. But it sounds to me like you've got a few issues like excessive pride and maybe some underlying depression. Perhaps you should see a therapist and discuss your issues. Depression is real and treatable and I know from personal experience that depression has just about all the symptoms of untreated OSA. But at the very least, put the @#$% mask on!

[MoneyGal]

What Disneymama said! I posted in Giant Red's *first* thread about his failing career about my own career setbacks in the years before I was diagnosed.

Since starting treatment (11 months to the day today) I found a FANTASTIC new job that is *perfect* for me. I'm one of those people who truly enjoys going to work every single day.

My finding this job and my diagnosis may not seem correlated, but I think they are. Before diagnosis, I was struggling just to keep my head above water each day. I was laid off and then spent another half-year or so getting progressively sicker before getting diagnosed in January 2009.

Then I got to experience the miracle of sleep, oxygen and healing. Inside that new space, I spent a lot of time thinking about what I really wanted out of life, and applied for a few jobs that would take me in this new direction. I was lucky enough to get the job I have now and I marvel every day at how good I have it.

OSA is a huge disruption in life. But the point is not that it is a disruption: the question is who you are in the face of it. Listen, all of us have challenges. What are you going to do? Let them blow you down? Try leaning into the wind instead.

[giantred]

Wulfman,

I don't appreciate being called a liar. Thanks for sharing this with everyone. Here is you comment. It's shared to the group below by you.

This was your statement:
In this thread, you claimed to have made over $500K. You bailed out of that thread/discussion at the top of the second page.


I don't ever ever ever recall making such a statement about making over $500K. I looked at the link and I did not may that claim.
I demand an apology for being called a liar. I guess you also don't think I have anpea and should not use the machine. Yeah, bring me down, tell everyone here I'M A LIAR. I can't believe you actually looked at old emails trying to support a statement that I DID NOT MAKE. Go ahead everyone look at the link, did I ever claim making over $500,000. ????

[Gerryk]

Giant, please tell us what kind of problems you are having. No one can help if we don't know that the problems are that you are having.

If you want make a list and list them all in one posting or take that list and make an individual post for each.
If you have a long list, maybe post all of it and what hasn't been worked out in a couple to a few days list them individually.

Gerry

[roster]

Wulfman,

I don't appreciate being called a liar. Thanks for sharing this with everyone. Here is you comment. It's shared to the group below by you.

This was your statement:
In this thread, you claimed to have made over $500K. You bailed out of that thread/discussion at the top of the second page.


I don't ever ever ever recall making such a statement about making over $500K. I looked at the link and I did not may that claim.
I demand an apology for being called a liar. I guess you also don't think I have anpea and should not use the machine. Yeah, bring me down, tell everyone here I'M A LIAR. I can't believe you actually looked at old emails trying to support a statement that I DID NOT MAKE. Go ahead everyone look at the link, did I ever claim making over $500,000. ????

Wulfman may have been recalling this post of yours:

If I could wake up and be fresh and rested, by now I would be making up to around $500,000 a year, but because of this problem I won't be making $5 a year soon. Sleep Apnea is not fair. If I was an alcholoic or drug addict and had that problem, it would be easy to fix. just don't drink or take drugs, simple as that. But with Sleep Apnea, it doesn't work that way. We can tell ourselves ok, we will breath tonight and not choke in our sleep, but it doesn't work that way does it. Iim so mad about my career, it's all over. However, as I mentioned before, I will get back and if there is any consolation, I will solve sleep apnea, and I will NOT HAVE SLEEP APNEA ONE DAY. I might go homeless one day, you know my story, but I will not have a machine over my face when Iim collecting change. I'm so mad right now over all of this, it's finally hitting me.

viewtopic.php?f=1&t=43162&st=0&sk=t&sd=a&start=15

[giantred]

Yeah,
and where does it mention that I claimed making over $500,000?

[Gerryk]

It doesn't.

Now how about telling us whats not working or what problems you are having so we can try to help?

Gerry

[Wulfman]

Wulfman,

I don't appreciate being called a liar. Thanks for sharing this with everyone. Here is you comment. It's shared to the group below by you.

This was your statement:
In this thread, you claimed to have made over $500K. You bailed out of that thread/discussion at the top of the second page.


I don't ever ever ever recall making such a statement about making over $500K. I looked at the link and I did not may that claim.
I demand an apology for being called a liar. I guess you also don't think I have anpea and should not use the machine. Yeah, bring me down, tell everyone here I'M A LIAR. I can't believe you actually looked at old emails trying to support a statement that I DID NOT MAKE. Go ahead everyone look at the link, did I ever claim making over $500,000. ????

Well, I'm glad to see you're still around.

You're right. I'm man enough to admit when I'm wrong. Your quote was ".....by now I would be making up to around $500,000 a year....." I guess I mis-read or missed the "would be" part of it.

But, it seems that you have a habit of ducking out of threads when you (apparently) seem to be looking for help. People have tried to ask questions, offer suggestions and thoughts and all you want to do is whine and feel sorry for yourself.

You did say this: "I was grossing $225,000, now it's down to $75,000."

You must have had SOME kind of "decent" job to be making that kind of money......but yet you worry about looking like a "sissy"??? That kind of salary would indicate some kind of "executive" type or managerial level position.

If you WERE some sort of decision making, executive type......WHAT "decision" are you going to make about your therapy???

If you want "HELP", we've been trying to help. But, if you just want to bellyache about your situation, you're not going to get much more sympathy.


Den