Shamu and Me – A Love Hate Story

mikemoran · Post by **mikemoran** » Mon Sep 26, 2005 7:57 am

Ah remembering the sounds of youth. Going to sleep at night listening to that familiar rumble shaking the windows letting me know dad was there and all was right with the world. A tradition handed down from his father and one I carried forward to my children. So what if the foundation cracked and windows were in need of continuous replacement that sense of security was well worth it. And just like them I would share a few moments of non-breath just to remind them of what they would be missing if I wasn’t there.

Oh those glorious nights of what I thought were blissful slumber. Envied by some for my ability to sleep anywhere and any time I deemed appropriate. Reviled by others just because I could be louder than the jet I was flying on. So what if during business meetings I zoned out. I always awoke at the most opportune parts and regaled everyone with my dream inspired bits of brilliance.

But those days were numbered as my partner in life got tired of kick staring me in the middle of the night and forced me to go to the doctor. Little did she know she would be opening me up to a new lifestyle filled with masks, mouth gags, tubing, pantyhose and exotic appliances.

I should of known something was up when I was sent to a modern chamber of horrors, wired for sound and placed upon rubber sheets. That booming voice directing my every movement denying me rest and when I finally succumbed waking me to tell me I definitely had it. Taking advantage of my befuddled state and firmly strapping the rubber device to my head as they hooked me to breathing toaster by my bedside.

Never quite recovering from my night of terror, I anxiously awaited a short eternity of two months until my doctor could provide me the cure. Eyes almost filled with tears I gratefully accepted my puffy little friend and my nose shook nostrils with my future bed partner.

We didn’t get along and fought almost every night. The wondrous land of Nod still seemed forever outside my grasp. After much pain I finally found a community of kindred spirits fighting the same battle. Both a blessing and a curse as they reminded me of what could be and started me on the path to salvation. They told me of what a cheap date my doctor had set me up with. How she would never let me get a breath in edgewise and the world was filled with gentler nose holders.

So I demanded my golden ticket from the doctor and started my journey on the information highway. Entering the realm littered with more devise than found at a local porn store. There I found Shamu, his blow hole ready to breath new life into me. The one who would dance with my lungs, gently nudging me as needed to bring peace and tranquility to my nights.

But the battle didn’t stop there. As much as Shamu tried we just couldn’t connect. Not entirely his fault and I must accept the responsibility for my finicky nares. Like in all good relationships it takes a lot to make it work. So I invested my savings into therapy and put my money where my nose is. Instead of plain brown wrappers, my house was soon strewn with clear plastic one as I liberally purchased from those insidious web sites.

The past few nights have been so much better. It is too early to tell but I think Shamu and I have finally reached a truce. I agreed to not throw him against the wall in return for which he won’t blow me up like a party balloon and send me whizzing around the bedroom. Every night I give him water and then fluff my Aura before shackling my head to the wall via Scrunchie. It’s a fragile situation but I know we can make it.

So peace has descended on my house for the moment, but I do worry about a few things. Will the children be able to wake up in the event of fire? They seem to sleep so deeply now. How is my handyman going to be able to afford his vacation home? Should I be concerned that my wife seems to have a growing preference for leather undergarments?

WAFlowers · Post by **WAFlowers** » Mon Sep 26, 2005 9:44 am

mikemoran wrote:Should I be concerned that my wife seems to have a growing preference for leather undergarments?

I think you are on your own in answering that question. But I loved the rest of the comments!

peg · Post by **peg** » Mon Sep 26, 2005 10:05 am

Once again, another wonderful story.
As for the leather undergarments............
What's wrong with that?
I find that the air from my snorkel makes the feathers of my boa float in quite a lovely way.
That's all I have to say about that.

WAFlowers · Post by **WAFlowers** » Mon Sep 26, 2005 10:12 am

Darn it Peg! The visual in my head is going to have me happily distracted the rest of the day, and I've got work to do. If I miss my deadline it is all your fault!

mikemoran · Post by **mikemoran** » Mon Sep 26, 2005 12:35 pm

Don't have a real problem with the leather goods, but when I find her whip and cattle prod catalog I am out of here LOL

peg · Post by **peg** » Mon Sep 26, 2005 1:27 pm

Bill,
Now, now.
Not my fault if you pick today to be a slacker!

Whips, cattle prod?????
Even I won't go there.

Don't throw me out of the forum!!!!!!!!!!
I'm just playin' round.

Sleepless on LI · Post by **Sleepless on LI** » Mon Sep 26, 2005 2:57 pm

Mike,
Thank you for making our days so full of fun. You are one creative and hysterically comical guy. Love when I see topics like this one today and your name next to it as the author. I really look forward to reading it knowing it's going to make me laugh.
I think someone, maybe me, should round up the funny stories, song parodies and poetry that has been created on this site lately and make a book out of it. All proceeds going to me...no, not really. Going to a fund for people diagnosed with OSA who can't afford equipment or something else related to that.
We have a lot of really funny and talented people on this site, not to mention they're a great group of people, too.

SLEEPYCD · Post by **SLEEPYCD** » Mon Sep 26, 2005 8:12 pm

Mikemoran,

You are a delight, what do you do for a living??? You should be writing, you have a real talent!!! About the leather undergarments, JUST ENJOY your wife and ENJOY your life!!!

CD

lindas88 · Post by **lindas88** » Mon Sep 26, 2005 9:38 pm

HEY...what have I been missing???

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Sep 26, 2005 9:46 pm

Mike,

Your ability to elevate Cpap to being such fun is a great talent.

I am sure I would not want to be cured of SA/OSA as I might have to leave cpaptalk.com and miss out on such gems.

Cheers

DSM

mikemoran · Post by **mikemoran** » Tue Sep 27, 2005 7:02 am

Thank you all for the comments. I work at a pretty challenging job doing competitive price proposals. I know I've had OSA for over 30 years but only recently got diagnosed. Sometimes I wonder if I am good at what I do because I've been sleep deprived. Other times I just realize I'm twisted LOL

Just happy I got a forum with people that enjoy my ramblings.

Its much easier to belly laugh with a lung full of air.

Sleepless on LI · Post by **Sleepless on LI** » Tue Sep 27, 2005 7:19 am

Just happy I got a forum with people that enjoy my ramblings.

Well, that, you do. But I wouldn't exactly call them "ramblings." They are very creative and comical. I think you may have missed your calling.

peg · Post by **peg** » Tue Sep 27, 2005 7:25 am

Just imagine how good you will be at your work now that you aren't sleep deprived. Your "ramblings" are a joy to read.

Shamu and Me – A Love Hate Story

Shamu and Me – A Love Hate Story

Re: Shamu and Me – A Love Hate Story