OT - True Funny Stories

[SleepGuy]

I find almost no greater joy in life than in hearing and telling true funny stories.

Lacking an adult social life and my own funny stories I like to collect them from other people. It's as close to a social life as I can get.

So here's one I just told my daughter (one that an older friend told me a while back):


We had just picked up our five year old grandson, Tyler, to take him to dinner. He was sitting in the back seat.

"Put on your seatbelt" my wife told him.

"Why?"

"Because if we get in an accident you'll get hurt without it."

"Ok"

Five minutes later we were sitting at a red light, just in front of a crosswalk. A young man on his bike crossed the street in front of us but got his front wheel caught on the curb and hit the sidewalk. He was sitting on the curb, stunned, right by our car. The next thing we know Tyler rolls down his window and yells out:

That's what you get for not wearing your seatbelt!

[packitin]

Speaking of making a judgment, this is really funny. I enjoyed it and laughed a lot.

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/1277415/d ... y_we_wont/

[LinkC]

Here's another, while we're on off topics:

Our 4-yo granddaughter came home from daycare one day and asked why boys have "tails". Apparently she'd been watching as the infants got their diapers changed.

Her mother gave her an in-depth explanation, including proper terminology.

A couple of weeks later they went to a restaurant known as much for the collection of taxidermy as for their food. Stuffed animals ranging from lions and antelopes to possums and songbirds. (clarksfishcamp.com if you want to see pictures)

Can you see it coming? She started pointing to the animals loudly declaring, "That's a boy, and that's a girl, and that's a boy, and that's a boy. And how do we know? Because they have a penis!"

Her parents were mortified. Those aroound them were greatly amused and entertained. (And probably glad it wasn't THEIR kid!)

[OutaSync]

When my son was four, he looked at his newborn baby sister and asked why she had a black pee pee. It was a good thing that I had a chance to explain to him that it was her umbilical cord BEFORE it fell off!

Bev

[SleepGuy]

Some family friends used a euphamism for going pee: they called it "whispering."

So in the middle of the night the four year old woke up Grandma (during a sleepover) and said he had to whisper....

Grandma said "Go ahead sweetheart . . . just whisper right here in Grandma's ear so you don't wake up Grandpa."

TRUE STORY!

LOL

[OutaSync]

LOL...first time I've heard that term for peeing!

[carbonman]

As some of you know, I am a cyclist.

Every year they have a Ride Your Bike to Work Day.
There are various places to get breakfast and such.

A few years ago, I was working downtown in a 10 story office bld.
I did not ride my bike to work this particular, Ride Your Bike to Work Day.
...but, I did bring my bike to work to drop it at the bike shop near by,
to have some work done on it.
I did not want to leave it in my car, so I brought it into my office.

I got on the elevator w/two other very well dressed, business people.
They sort of looked down their collective noses at me, and one asked,
"Did you ride your bike to work?"
I replied, "No."
She informed me that it was, infact, Ride Your Bike to Work Day.
I replied, in totally seriousness, "....oh.....I thought it was Bring Your Bike to Work Day."

I wish I could describe the looks on their faces.....but I can't.

I would guess they both still tell the story of the moron biker on the elevator.

I love to tell this story.

[kteague]

Cute stories! I'll tell one on myself...

In the 80s a new water park was opened just minutes from our home. Being a non swimmer, the extent of my "fun" was dozing while draping myself across an inflatable raft in the shallow end of the pool and basking my back in the sun. It was an alternating wave pool, and when the warning bell sounded I'd go back to a lawn chair till the pool was still again.

One time the bell sounded and I awakened to see myself right beside the lifeguard stand. I thought, "Oh, crap, I'm in the 6 ft" and turned to dog paddle back with my raft. Then I saw another lifeguard stand and realized I was actually in the 10 ft end against the wall where the waves were about to come out full force. And they did.

Caught against the wall between two waves in a sing-song motion, I tried unsuccessfully to go with the motion to crest one of the waves and make my way out. Scared and wanting out, with the next swoosh I lunged to get over the crest, but in doing so lost my raft. My feet hit the pool bottom and I pushed off hard. When my face broke the surface I caught a glimpse of my orange raft and grabbed it.

With the motion and my panic it was impossible to get on or over the raft, so I clutched the sides of one end over my left shoulder with my nose bobbing in and out of the water, my body underneath, and my feet wrapped around the other end from beneath. Every time my face briefly broke the surface I'd yelp "Help!" and but nobody was coming to my rescue, so I closed my eyes and just held on, wondering how one could be allowed to drown in the presense of so many.

After another feeble yelp I heard a voice say," Got a problem, Lady?" "Yes", I sputtered, still clinging beneath the raft." He replied, "Then put your feet down and stand up." I opened my eyes to see a lifeguard standing in hip high water with his arms folded across his chest. While my eyes were closed the waves had washed me to the shallow end, where my behind was just inches from dragging the pool bottom as I cried out for help.

Indignantly I stood up and strode off dragging my raft behind me and muttering, "Well, I was in the deep end when I closed my eyes." Figured maybe I could show my face again if in a new swimsuit, a wig and big sunglasses.

[SleepGuy]

"Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep on top of each other in the same room?"

Grandma didn't quite know how to answer, so she told her grandson about sex. An hour later:

"Grandma, that's not called SEX, that's called bunkbeds and John's mom wants to talk with you."

(Sorry I can't vouch for the authenticity of this story but I can see it happening).

[roster]

As some of you know, I am a cyclist.

Every year they have a Ride Your Bike to Work Day.
There are various places to get breakfast and such.

A few years ago, I was working downtown in a 10 story office bld.
I did not ride my bike to work this particular, Ride Your Bike to Work Day.
...but, I did bring my bike to work to drop it at the bike shop near by,
to have some work done on it.
I did not want to leave it in my car, so I brought it into my office.

I got on the elevator w/two other very well dressed, business people.
They sort of looked down their collective noses at me, and one asked,
"Did you ride your bike to work?"
I replied, "No."
She informed me that it was, infact, Ride Your Bike to Work Day.
I replied, in totally seriousness, "....oh.....I thought it was Bring Your Bike to Work Day."

I wish I could describe the looks on their faces.....but I can't.

I would guess they both still tell the story of the moron biker on the elevator.

I love to tell this story.

That's a good one!

I can't top that, but it reminds me of an elevator story I witnessed.

I visited my doc's office on a high floor of a medical building. When I returned to the elevator lobby on the floor to leave, there was a line of people in front of an open elevator door. There were two men, Steve and Jack, wearing Otis Elevator uniforms, peering into an open control panel.

Just behind me a lady walked up and said to Steve, "Is the elevator broken?"

To which Steve replied, "No ma'am, we are just here to have Jack's brain tumor removed."

[dieselgal]

Many years ago we were watching a Cowboys Football game (there were heading for the superbowl)
My 7 year old daughter came into the room and saw them huddled on the field.

She said "that must be why they are so good, because they always talk everything over"

[roster]

Many years ago we were watching a Cowboys Football game (there were heading for the superbowl)
My 7 year old daughter came into the room and saw them huddled on the field.

She said "that must be why they are so good, because they always talk everything over"

Years ago, a German visitor I hosted to a college football game. He had never seen "American football" but was a big soccer fan. He called our football, "a game of meetings".

[Babette]

I just saw this one:

http://www.sun-sentinel.com/entertainme ... otogallery

O... M.... G..... I'm wetting myself.

The comments are even better:

"Julie's 15th birthday party wasn't any picnic either."

ROTFLMBO!
Babs

[Babette]

Kathy, I have a similar tale, involving jumping off a rather low bridge (it seemed like the Golden Gate to me), into a freezing lagoon on New Year's Day (Annual Olalla Polar Bear Plunge), being swept out into the Sound, thrashing and flailing and losing my swim slipper, and seeing a barnacle covered pillar closing on me fast, when in desperation I reached my toes down....

....and found the bottom and waded out of the water.

NO BARNACLES FOR THIS BABE!!!!!

LOL,
Babs

[birdshell]

True story:

I was eager to try out my new Water Safety Instructor knowledge, and so offered to work with the manager's son at the pool where I was lifeguarding. He was afraid of the water.

As I was trying to get the 6 year old to relax and float on his back, I kept my hands underneath him in the water. I said, "Don't worry, I'll support you."

He practically sat up in the water in panic, and said, "What is 'support'?"



I had to cover vocabulary before teaching him to float.


Karen,
Who at least got some use of the WSI