Dating

[ManitobaD]

Just wanted to start a thread asking people how they deal with dating. I am a single man who wants to meet misses right and I want to handle things correctly and not hide the CPAP machine, but I don't want to spring it like on the first date or anything. How has everyone else handled it?
Phil

[Babette]

1) Be upfront in the emailing/talking stage.
2) Be casual - 44 yo, SWM, brown hair, blue eyes, OSA.

Let her ask you what OSA is. Or bring it up some other way in conversation "Dang, I'm sorry I'm so sleepy today, I had a bad night, my mask was leaking."

Do not make it a MEDICAL DISABILITY or more drama than it needs to be.

Do not divulge more info unless she asks.

Do be upfront if you don't want to share your bed with her because of it. I am very upfront about that. Sex is something I'd prefer to be kept seperate from my sleeping arrangements. I'm too old and too selfish to share my bed with a man and a machine at this point in my life.

If, however, you feel differently, you need to be sensitive to her feelings. She might not WANT to share your sleeping arrangements, but may really enjoy your company nonetheless. I had a BF 8 years ago on the hose (before I was diagnosed) and we slept in separate rooms. Had a great sex life, but slept separately. Made us both very happy.

Be open, be flexible, don't get wound up in unnecessary drama.

Cheers,
B.

[ManitobaD]

Now I have no problem not using the mask from time to time. Also I do not snore. With that said, would I be a bad person to just keep it in the drawer and not use it when girl X is over?

[Babette]

I personally think this is a very bad idea.

1) You are denying yourself therapy - I realize you're new and you don't understand the ramifications of this, but in time, you will. And you will NOT WANT to sleep without it. Forcing yourself to do this for another person is not a good idea for your HEALTH nor your HEAD.

2) By denying her the opportunity to come to grips with your situation, you are prolonging the inevitable and turning it into a dramatic crisis that is not really necessary.

The more NORMAL you are with your cpap use, the more COMFORTABLE those around you will be.

I've shared hotel rooms with family members and with strangers who had never been around a cpap. I treated it normally, and they told me they were JUST FINE with it.

If I turn it into a big drama scene, so will they.

Learn to accept it, and your partner will too.

Cheers,
B.

[birdshell]

You may want to search for the MANY previous discussions on this subject!

Karen

[Needsdecaf]

If you are dating someone and the first couple of times you share a bed you have time to actually close your eyes, you're doing something wrong.

[neverbetter]

Tell her and keep a nasal-aire II handy to break her into the idea without looking like someone who belongs in the hospital.
The nasal-aire II is the most minimal mask and looks like a big oxygen cannula. It's easier on the eyes until your love one gets use to the idea and more educated (ie, it's saving your life)about OSA.

[Babette]

Oh yeah, I look WAAAAAY sexier in my NAII than any other mask out there. That's why I wear it!

NOT!
B.

[ManitobaD]

Do they have a full face version? LOL, I am a mouth breether so I wear the full face deal. Its funny because with everyone else in my life I have no issue showing the mask. I was drunk at a party the other night and it turned into some good fun!

[Sleeprider]

Babs, I couldn't possibly add to this. CPAP is for better or worse, my normal state of being. You certainly don't want to sleep in my bed, or in my room if I don't have it. It is a life sustaining device for those of us who can't breath without it while asleep. Honesty is in this case, the best policy. Its really not that scary, and FWIW, sex gets better when you breath all night.

I personally think this is a very bad idea.

1) You are denying yourself therapy - I realize you're new and you don't understand the ramifications of this, but in time, you will. And you will NOT WANT to sleep without it. Forcing yourself to do this for another person is not a good idea for your HEALTH nor your HEAD.

2) By denying her the opportunity to come to grips with your situation, you are prolonging the inevitable and turning it into a dramatic crisis that is not really necessary.

The more NORMAL you are with your cpap use, the more COMFORTABLE those around you will be.

I've shared hotel rooms with family members and with strangers who had never been around a cpap. I treated it normally, and they told me they were JUST FINE with it.

If I turn it into a big drama scene, so will they.

Learn to accept it, and your partner will too.

Cheers,
B.

[Babette]

Just to clarify, it's Manitoba with the mask/dating problem, not me. I just have a dating problem, period. It's got nothing to do with my CPAP therapy.

BTW - Manitoba, a "bundling board" is a device used in the 17th & 18th & early 19th centuries for courting couples. In the days before central heating, the best way to stay warm on a winter's evening was to crawl in bed. Courting couples were put into bed, and a board was placed upright between them, like a fence, over the blankets, trapping them on their own sides of the bed, so no hanky panky could ensue. They could stay warm, and talk, but no H&P. I believe the young man would also routinely pass the entire night there - and sleeping over was not a problem - as long as the bundling board was in place.

Bundling could also be achieved by sewing the couple into their own separate bed sheets.

BTW, tangentally, babies were routinely conceived out of wedlock in colonial America, and the child was not considered a bastard if the mother named the father, and they married. The only shame was if there was no marriage.

LOL,
Babs

[ManitobaD]

Wow, bundling board sounds like no fun LOL. I want a nice girl to crawl under the covers, but minus the board!

[OldLincoln]

Wow, bundling board sounds like no fun LOL. I want a nice girl to crawl under the covers, but minus the board!

Now I see your problem. You should be looking for a 'naughty girl'!! Like the song states: "I've been looking for the daughter of the devil himself, I've been looking for an angel in white. I've been waiting for a woman whose a little of both, I can feel her but she's no where in sight."