Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

roster · Post by **roster** » Thu Jun 26, 2008 2:14 pm

Herbert once tried his hand at writing an advice column. How long did he last? Not very long!

Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

Dear Herbert:

I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor lady. I am 32, my husband is 34, and we have been married for twelve years.

When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely, Gloria

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Herbert's reply:

Dear Gloria:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.

I hope this helps.
-Herbert

OutaSync · Post by **OutaSync** » Thu Jun 26, 2008 2:32 pm

I had a situation like that, too. I got a divorce and a Toyota.

DreamStalker · Post by **DreamStalker** » Thu Jun 26, 2008 3:01 pm

I don't get why his advice failed. His suggested approach would have been the same that I would use to diagnose a stalled engine

-SWS · Post by **-SWS** » Thu Jun 26, 2008 3:14 pm

So service with a smile isn't everything when it comes to broken cars.

Gotta make sure it's the car that's getting serviced.

dsm · Post by **dsm** » Thu Jun 26, 2008 4:12 pm

Clearly Herbert knew all 4 entities involved were stuffed but out of politeness stuck to the one he could best comment politely on

D

tomjax · Post by **tomjax** » Thu Jun 26, 2008 4:40 pm

How would herbert answer this one?
----

Dear Herbert,

My wife found out about my girlfriend and asked her to move in with us.

Now they want me to move to the guest bedroom.

What should I do?
Confused.

-SWS · Post by **-SWS** » Thu Jun 26, 2008 4:46 pm

tomjax wrote:How would herbert answer this one?
----

Dear Herbert,

My wife found out about my girlfriend and asked her to move in with us.

Now they want me to move to the guest bedroom.

What should I do?
Confused.

Dear Confused,

My advice is to keep the woman with the better car, but quickly jettison the other. That should get you back in the bedroom but with lower auto maintenance and repair bills.

Hope this helps.

-Herbert

j.a.taylor · Post by **j.a.taylor** » Thu Jun 26, 2008 5:42 pm

Dear Herbert,

You appear to be a very wise man.

What do I get if I cross a garage full of cars with a beauty salon?

I await the wisdom of your answer.

-SWS · Post by **-SWS** » Thu Jun 26, 2008 7:11 pm

j.a.taylor wrote:Dear Herbert,

You appear to be a very wise man.

What do I get if I cross a garage full of cars with a beauty salon?

I await the wisdom of your answer.

Dear J.A. Taylor,

This sounds like the makings of a custom chop shop. A place to service mop tops, rag tops, crop tops, and hard tops alike. But I am just wise enough to know there's likely a better answer waiting!

So what do we get when we cross a garage full of cars with a beauty salon?

Ol' Herbert's fleet, wife, and open-minded concubines await your answer.

-Herbert
(who is ready to add even more infrastructure to the garage if so advised)

.

OldLincoln · Post by **OldLincoln** » Thu Jun 26, 2008 7:29 pm

Wow, that reminds me of the story ole John told me a whils back....

John Was In Trouble...

He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She
told him... "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway
that goes from 0 to 200 in 5 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"

The next morning John got up early and left for work. When his wife
woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put
on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the
house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

John has been missing since last Friday

An I ain't seen him since....

-SWS · Post by **-SWS** » Thu Jun 26, 2008 7:34 pm

Really loved that OldLincoln!

By the way, Rooster, who is Herbert? He's starting to make me feel like a seance medium in some wacky automotive ghost story.

disclaimer: Herbert's views most definitely do NOT reflect my own!

preemiern · Post by **preemiern** » Fri Jun 27, 2008 12:37 am

Dear Herbert--I have this very weird fetish when I go to bed...I like to put this plastic and silicone mask on my face, and have a long hose attached to it and hooked up to this blower type machine. Can you give me advise as to why this is or how to get over the fetish? thank you

hose head

-SWS · Post by **-SWS** » Fri Jun 27, 2008 9:15 am

preemiern wrote:Dear Herbert--I have this very weird fetish when I go to bed...I like to put this plastic and silicone mask on my face, and have a long hose attached to it and hooked up to this blower type machine. Can you give me advise as to why this is or how to get over the fetish? thank you

hose head

Dear hose head,

I think I would give maxillomandibular advancement surgery a try. In the mean time be sure to keep the other end of the CPAP hose away from the car's exhaust---assuming that you also have what must be a perfectly normal pleasure affinity for the back seat of just about any car.

Heading out to the garage my self now that you mention it...

Sincerely,
Happily Huffin' Herbert

Machine	Mask

Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

Herbert

Re: Herbert