Warning: Off-topic Offensive Political Joke

roster · Post by **roster** » Thu Sep 20, 2007 3:49 pm

Jesus and Politics
A Republican in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"

The waitress nodded "yes," so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee on him.

The next patron to come in was a Libertarian with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over there?"

The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He went over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there, honey! How's about gettin' me a cold glass of Miller Light!" He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that God's boy over there?"

The waitress once more nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold glass of beer. "On my bill," he said. As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus also passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Libertarian felt his back straightening up, and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.

Then Jesus walked towards the Democrat. The Democrat jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me. I'm collecting disability!!"

Wulfman... · Post by **Wulfman...** » Thu Sep 20, 2007 3:53 pm

Thanks, Rooster.

Den

Slinky · Post by **Slinky** » Thu Sep 20, 2007 3:54 pm

Prior to Bush Baby, Cheney and Rummy I would have laughed my arse off at this one. SINCE Bush Baby, Cheney and Rummy .... ??? For the first time in my life, I did something I thought I would never do - I voted straight Democratic! Will most likely do the same in 2008. Sorry, Rooster.

j.a.taylor · Post by **j.a.taylor** » Thu Sep 20, 2007 4:08 pm

The Republican needed his healing so that he could kick under the stall in the Men's room.

The Libertarian needed his back healed, so that he could carry the burdens of the world a little easier.

Jesus wasn't about to heal the Democrat for just a glass of beer. After all, its pretty difficult to impress someone who can turn water into wine. (And besides, everyone knows his faith is a private matter).

Ah the joys of politicians! Nobody wants to be one, everyone wants to beat one, who would we complain about if we didn't have some?

roster · Post by **roster** » Thu Sep 20, 2007 4:41 pm

j.a.taylor wrote:The Republican needed his healing so that he could kick under the stall in the Men's room.

The Libertarian needed his back healed, so that he could carry the burdens of the world a little easier.

Jesus wasn't about to heal the Democrat for just a glass of beer. After all, its pretty difficult to impress someone who can turn water into wine. (And besides, everyone knows his faith is a private matter).

Ah the joys of politicians! Nobody wants to be one, everyone wants to beat one, who would we complain about if we didn't have some?

J.A.,

You did one better than the original.

I will steal it from you!

Slinky · Post by **Slinky** » Thu Sep 20, 2007 6:04 pm

Who? The lawyers, of course!

JeffH · Post by **JeffH** » Thu Sep 20, 2007 7:25 pm

Typical republican....willing to shit on others trying to make himself feel better. And the shit on your party has pretty much killed it rooster.

Turn out the lights

The parties over....

JeffH

dieselgal · Post by **dieselgal** » Thu Sep 20, 2007 7:30 pm

I liked it Rooster!

ob1kabob · Post by **ob1kabob** » Thu Sep 20, 2007 7:47 pm

Here you go, rooster, and anyone else who doesn't watch anything but FOX News.

THE OFFICIAL REPUBLICAN DICTIONARY

Alternative energy sources n. New locations to drill for gas and oil.

Bankruptcy n. A punishable crime when committed by poor people but not corporations.

"burning bush" n. A biblical allusion to the response of the President of the United States, when asked a question by a journalist who has not been paid to inquire.

Cheney, Dick n. The greater of two evils.

Class warfare n. Any attempt to raise the minimum wage.

Climate change n. The blessed day when the blue states are swallowed by the oceans.

Compassionate conservatism n. Poignant concern for the very wealthy

Creationism n. Pseudoscience that claims George W. Bush's resemblance to a chimpanzee is totally coincidental

DeLay, Tom n. 1. Past tense of De Lie
2. Patronage saint

Extraordinary rendition n. Outsourcing torture

Faith n. The stubborn belief that God approves of Republican moral values despite the preponderance of textual evidence to the contrary

Free markets n. Halliburton no-bid contracts at taxpayer expense

Girly men n. Males who do not grope women inappropriately

God n. Senior presidential adviser

Growth n. 1. The justification for tax cuts for the rich.
2. What happens to the national debt when Republicans cut taxes on the rich

Healthy forest n. No tree left behind

Honesty n. Lies told in simple declarative sentences--e.g, "Freedom is on the march"

House of Representatives n. Exclusive club; entry fee $1 million to $5 million (See Senate)

Laziness n. When the poor are not working

Leisure time n. When the wealthy are not working

Liberal(s) n. Followers of the Antichrist

No Child Left Behind riff. 1. V. There are always jobs in the military
2. n. The rapture

Ownership society n. A civilization where 1 percent of the population controls 90 percent of the wealth

Patriot Act n. 1. The pre-emptive strike on American freedoms to prevent the terrorists from destroying them first.
2. The elimination of one of the reasons why they hate us

Pro-life adj. Valuing human life up until birth

Senate n. Exclusive club; entry fee $10 million to $30 million

Simplify v. To cut the taxes of Republican donors

Staying the course interj. Slang. Saying and doing the same stupid thing over and over, regardless of the result

Stuff happens interj. Slang. Donald Rumsfeld as master historian

Trickle-Down Economics n. When the rich get to trickle down on the poor

Voter fraud n. A significant minority turnout

roster · Post by **roster** » Thu Sep 20, 2007 7:59 pm

Thanks, but I still prefer J.A.'s retort. .

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Sep 20, 2007 8:33 pm

you'd have to be a total MORON to vote Democrat....period.

jennmary · Post by **jennmary** » Thu Sep 20, 2007 8:43 pm

I like how it is the "guest" who comes in and starts throwing out things like "moron". Guess it takes one to know one. I think it is pretty moronic to judge an entire section of the population based on their political beliefs.

I love the dictionary. I am going to swipe that myself. lol And the original was pretty funny too.....and that is coming from someone who usually votes ddemocrat! lol

Wulfman... · Post by **Wulfman...** » Thu Sep 20, 2007 8:59 pm

Every ballot needs to have another option:

"None of the above"

Den (sick of the choices in the voting booth....I'm tired of "Dumb & Dumber")

dieselgal · Post by **dieselgal** » Thu Sep 20, 2007 9:05 pm

Wulfman... wrote:Every ballot needs to have another option:

"None of the above"

Den (sick of the choices in the voting booth....I'm tired of "Dumb & Dumber")

AMEN!

Slinky · Post by **Slinky** » Fri Sep 21, 2007 3:47 am

AMEN! I'm TIRED of always having to vote AGAINST someone instead of FOR someone!

In my entire life I've only had 2 Presidential candidates to vote FOR: JFK and Gerald Ford.

Mask

Additional Comments: Equipment isn't correct, S9 ASV w/H5i

Warning: Off-topic Offensive Political Joke

Warning: Off-topic Offensive Political Joke

The Official Republican Dictionary