sad tale of results of untreated OSA

sharon1965 · Post by **sharon1965** » Tue Aug 21, 2007 5:47 pm

hi all
some of you may recall, having read my long and rambling posts, that it was because of my neighbour sharing his OSA experience with me that i was diagnosed after years of struggling to find out what was wrong with me...

when he told me his story, he admitted that it was due to his wife of 15 years threatening to leave him if he didn't seek medical attention that he actually bothered to get checked out...apparently she had been on his case about it for years, in part because she cared about him and his health and in part because she was suffering herself from his insane episodes, keeping her from getting any sleep...she told him he had been a spectator in his life and in their marriage for years, that he was basically a paperweight and she couldn't live like that anymore and gave him till the end of the year to get help...

that was a little over a year and a half ago, and he did get help and has been very successful in his therapy...in the last six months he was finally back to work and feeling better than he had in years...finally he felt that they were re-connecting, and even enjoying intimacy in their marriage again...

but just the other day she told him that it was too late, the marriage was over for her and she wanted out...

i watched in sadness as my husband helped my good friend and neighbour of 15 years move his stuff out of their home and into his apartment...it really triggered me, even made me a little angry; i couldn't help but think, "we're doing the best we can!", even though i wasn't the one moving out...

i wish we could all get through to the people in our lives who we know are letting good years slip away, who are letting OSA rob them of the joy in their lives...

just thought i'd share
sharon

Nodzy · Post by **Nodzy** » Tue Aug 21, 2007 5:59 pm

Ouch...

I've been there to a great degree many times. Most non-sufferers have little sympathy for the misery of the sleep-disordered person. Too, many are just so self-centered that any excuse will suffice to be free and marketable again -- after all, most are seeking perfection and as few hassles as possible.

Surely, they would never dare have an illness or ailment and hope that their mate would be supportive, understanding and steadfast in the love through the ups and downs of it all. <sigh>

Oh well... I have my pillows... and they vie for my attention.

JeffH · Post by **JeffH** » Tue Aug 21, 2007 6:21 pm

Nodzy wrote:Ouch...

I've been there to a great degree many times. Most non-sufferers have little sympathy for the misery of the sleep-disordered person. Too, many are just so self-centered that any excuse will suffice to be free and marketable again -- after all, most are seeking perfection and as few hassles as possible.

Surely, they would never dare have an illness or ailment and hope that their mate would be supportive, understanding and steadfast in the love through the ups and downs of it all. <sigh>

Oh well... I have my pillows... and they vie for my attention.

I'm in recovery from Alcoholism and I've seen it a million times that when the drunk gets sober the spouse leaves. Guess they don't have anything to "blame" anymore and they can't stand it.

JeffH

sharon1965 · Post by **sharon1965** » Tue Aug 21, 2007 6:25 pm

yeah, he did say that since he's been on therapy, if he has bad days she seems suspicious and less than supportive, like he's faking or milking it

but, in all fairness, i feel like they were both dealt a crappy hand...

Nodzy · Post by **Nodzy** » Tue Aug 21, 2007 6:41 pm

[quote="JeffH

I'm in recovery from Alcoholism and I've seen it a million times that when the drunk gets sober the spouse leaves. Guess they don't have anything to "blame" anymore and they can't stand it.

JeffH[/quote]

Wink-nod to you, Jeff,

Some have more battles, with some of those overlapping, than many others appear to, or reveal, that they have. After being used and abused and disrespected too many times, I've learned that I trust me. Though, it's obvious that my judgement in mating wasn't always so keen. And now, I'm too weary and wise to worry about whether or not I have an other. Hmmm... Ok, I will convince myself of that... in time.

,

kteague · Post by **kteague** » Tue Aug 21, 2007 7:48 pm

Yes, Sharon, that is a sad story indeed. Guess "for better or worse" stopped short of OSA.

I wouldn't have been too surprised if I had been in a relationship that failed when I was at my worst. Heck, I didn't even like being around myself.

The hard thing about OSA is that years of damage is done with the partner not understanding or knowing why the relationship has been so bad, or why their partner lost interest and never wanted to do anything with them, etc. When they didn't know it was illness related, it would feel like rejection. Could be they gave up and were just waiting for the partner to stabilize so they wouldn't feel so guilty about leaving.

Everything about the failure of the medical community to recognize and successfully treat OSA makes me so mad I could spit.

Kathy

sharon1965 · Post by **sharon1965** » Tue Aug 21, 2007 7:59 pm

Could be they gave up and were just waiting for the partner to stabilize so they wouldn't feel so guilty about leaving.

wow, kathy, that is so insightful and such a good point...but it also makes me want to cry

j.a.taylor · Post by **j.a.taylor** » Tue Aug 21, 2007 8:30 pm

Yes Sharon, a sad story indeed.

But at the same time, it makes me thankful for a wife who has stood by me, been supportive, and finally made me deal with my OSA because she loves me.

For her, it was a matter of us attempting to grow old together, instead of me dying in my early 50's like my dad, grandfather, great-grandfather, and uncle.

So while we hurt for those who suffer, at the same time, we hope that they can once more know the same joy we feel, when we have someone who is willing to stand beside us.

Right now, your friend is feeling the sting of rejection, but it's good to know that he has the strength of a friend like you to support him during this difficult time.

JeffH · Post by **JeffH** » Tue Aug 21, 2007 9:40 pm

Nodzy wrote:[quote="JeffH

I'm in recovery from Alcoholism and I've seen it a million times that when the drunk gets sober the spouse leaves. Guess they don't have anything to "blame" anymore and they can't stand it.

JeffH

Wink-nod to you, Jeff,

Some have more battles, with some of those overlapping, than many others appear to, or reveal, that they have. After being used and abused and disrespected too many times, I've learned that I trust me. Though, it's obvious that my judgement in mating wasn't always so keen. And now, I'm too weary and wise to worry about whether or not I have an other. Hmmm... Ok, I will convince myself of that... in time.

,[/quote]

I never met one of us yet that didn't have a broken "picker and chooser".

JeffH...LOL

zorrro13 · Post by **zorrro13** » Wed Aug 22, 2007 6:06 am

around 50% of marriages end up in divorce mainly because they were not suited in the first place. osa or any other condition is an excuse as there are usually underlying problems manifesting for years before we turn to drink. I know I went through 2 Divorces and I didnt have osa then or alcoholism but got a bit of both now

KAZ · Post by **KAZ** » Wed Aug 22, 2007 7:50 am

kteague (Kathy) nailed it on this one, the spouse waited until the husband was stable to leave, but the damage to the relationship was to great to continue. Reminds me once again just what a great wife I'm blessed with. I look for something nice to do for her every day. Regards, Jim

Mask

Additional Comments: Equipment isn't correct, S9 ASV w/H5i

sad tale of results of untreated OSA

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