Spouse is tired of the whole thing.........

Christy223 · Post by **Christy223** » Sun Jul 08, 2007 7:38 pm

I am so afraid that now that we have an answer, Sleep Apnea, to the problems of the past 6 yrs I am now just "give out".

I have spent the last two weeks living and breathing SA and cpap.talk and cpap.com. I am very thankful to all that have helped, so very thankful.

Husband is on cpap, being compliant and seems to be doing well.

But I guess I am in need of some attention now. I have been the "supporter" for the past 6 yrs and I guess now that my "mission" is over I realize how tired I am!! Tired of being ignored, pushed away, just flat tired of the way things are; always relvolved around my husband and his problems.

Not sure why I am posting here, just needed somewhere to vent.

Sincerely,
Christy

bdp522 · Post by **bdp522** » Sun Jul 08, 2007 7:44 pm

Hey if venting here makes you feel even a little better, it's just fine! We all need to vent sometimes, and sometimes it can be harder on the spouse. Take some time for yourself, do something nice, and fun. But do it for YOU, you've earned it!

Brenda

kteague · Post by **kteague** » Sun Jul 08, 2007 8:26 pm

Feel free to vent. You've paid your dues. And probably run the gamut of emotions on this roller coaster ride. Now it's time to dedicate some time to you and rediscover what else is important to you besides your husband's health. The dynamics in your household are changing, and that most likely means some adjusting. Give yourself tender treatment and some time to figure out how things will look now. Keep in mind there's a big difference between him no longer being needy and him not needing you. Embrace the successes you helped him accomplish, and breathe a sigh of relief it doesn't have to be all about him now. And vent when you feel the need.
Kathy

Christy223 · Post by **Christy223** » Sun Jul 08, 2007 8:35 pm

Thanks guys! You are the best!

Stefernie · Post by **Stefernie** » Sun Jul 08, 2007 9:41 pm

It's an adjustment for the spouse too when someone goes on CPAP.

I'm single though, so not really in a position to give advice, LOL.

Sleepy Dog Lover · Post by **Sleepy Dog Lover** » Sun Jul 08, 2007 10:37 pm

Just think about how much better it will be to have a wide awake husband with some energy. It will be an adjustment for both of you, but if he is compliant, the worst should be over. Go to the spa and spoil yourself, you've earned it. And vent here whenever you need to.

Julie · Post by **Julie** » Mon Jul 09, 2007 2:50 am

And maybe try to get him re-interested in other things 'now that you're feeling better' - he might get the hint!

KAZ · Post by **KAZ** » Mon Jul 09, 2007 6:38 am

My wife saved my life by recognizing that I had stopped breathing and got me to help. I spent two months in the hospital and two months at home going from requiring total care to now able to take care of myself. It was a terrible load to place on her and she never faltered even once. In our case I once had to support her for six weeks(paled with what she had to do on my behalf) when she had a badly broken wrist, and I'm proud to say that I was a cheerful caregiver. My point is that all of this has made us stronger, I look every day for things(even little ones) to do for her. I hope that now you get the support that you deserve. Regards

arthuranxious · Post by **arthuranxious** » Mon Jul 09, 2007 10:37 am

Look Christy, your marriage probably needs some attention now....the way you describe it things were pretty bad for 6 years. It would actually be a pleasqant and unusual surprise if the diagnosis of OSA and the treatment of cpap cured everything. But even if it did, give some time to start coping with normalcy, and be good to yourself. professionally counsellors tend to say that one spouse being a martyr to the opther's illness is ruin for a relationship. So give time to grow back to each other, and baby yourself a bit, because we should never count on someone lese being nice. My wife is permanently sick, real and imaginary diseases, although nothing serious. If I waited for her to take care of me I wouldn't be around. Some of us just have to make ourselves feel good!

Linda3032 · Post by **Linda3032** » Mon Jul 09, 2007 1:41 pm

kteague wrote:Feel free to vent. You've paid your dues. And probably run the gamut of emotions on this roller coaster ride. Now it's time to dedicate some time to you and rediscover what else is important to you besides your husband's health. The dynamics in your household are changing, and that most likely means some adjusting. Give yourself tender treatment and some time to figure out how things will look now. Keep in mind there's a big difference between him no longer being needy and him not needing you. Embrace the successes you helped him accomplish, and breathe a sigh of relief it doesn't have to be all about him now. And vent when you feel the need.
Kathy

Kathy, I wonder what profession you are or were in. You are such a caring person, I picture you in the medical/nursing field. I wish I had just half as much empathy as you seem to have. If I ever need a shoulder to cry on, I'll PM you.

Christy, sorry for your problems. As others have said, hopefully your hubby will start to feel and act better. Keep your chin up.

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