i am terrified of my machine....please help

[bp4Christ]

i got my cpap last thursday, but i am really nervous and scared of it. i am afraid by some freak thing it is going to kill me in my sleep, like the humidifier will malfunction and i will drown, or i'll sufforcate from c02. i told me dme about this, and he assured me that i have nothing to worry about, and that i am 100% less likely to die on the machine, than the sleep apnea killing me. i am only 21, i have ocd, and i think that this may have something to do with it, but the machine makes me really uncomfortable, and it makes me nervous to go to bed, i don't really know how to put into words how i feel, but i am just scared of it, and afraid to use it before i go to bed, i was all excited about it when i got it, but that has completely changed....can anyone help me? how do i get over this nervousness, fear, and uncomfortableness and not even think about the mask and just turn over and sleep like i normally do. i have been emptying the humidifer everyday except for yesterday, i forgot, but i washed it pretty thoroughly to prevent any bacteria from growing that might harm me.... why do i feel like this, i am now scared to even go to bed because of the machine, and now that my sleep apnea might even kill me. i didn't use the machine last night, i just didn't want to. my sleep doctor told me that my apnea was bad enough that i would turn over dead in my sleep, but my pressure is set to 14....what do i do? please help.

[alpha1340]

Its common at least for me to be a little scared of the machine at first. A suggestion that might help is try wearing the mask while its on during the day. Like for example watching tv, or working on the computer or reading a book. I sat in my recliner watching tv the first week or so to try to get used to and get over my fears of the machine. Wearing the mask and having the machine on really calmed myself of those fears for when I was sleeping. You have come to the right place for help. Keep posting!

[bookwrm63]

BP,

This is a very new experience for you and makes many people nervous or uncomfortable. I would try what many experienced people suggest. Try mask on and turn on machine during the day or way before bedtime. Just sit and relax on your bed, or bring it out to the den and watch some tv and try to relax.
You can NOT drown from the water in the tank. The machine should be at bed level or slightly below on a foot stool or small table so if there is any condensation in the hose, it will usually run back into tank.
As far as the water, make sure you use distilled water. It really is not necessary to wash out daily, most just top off the water when needed. I will wash mine about 1x per week or two. The water has remained crystal clear for me.
As for the machine itself, read the booklet, study it, become friends with it because in the end, it will save your life, not kill you. In the event of a power outage, your mask has exhaust holes that will still allow you to breathe but chances are you will just wake up anyway. Some have a backup battry power source if they are in a storm ridden area or for camping trips, etc.
I hope this helps a little but I'm sure many others will jump in here with other thoughts for you.

Good luck!

Mary

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CPAPopedia Keywords Contained In This Post (Click For Definition): hose, Power

[bp4Christ]

my machine is actually a little bit above my bed on a shelf, i don't really have any other place to put it at the moment. its no more than a foot above my bed though.

[bookwrm63]

Do you have a foot stool? Try that if you can.

Mary

[Linda3032]

Can't you put the machine on the floor beside the bed? Again, the reason for this is so any condensation (like on a glass on a hot day), will run downhill back into the humidifier tank.

There is nothing about using the machine that can hurt you. Not using the machine can be a killer.

[Inpjs]

Linda, I don't know you personally, but from your posts and the advice you have given me, I can tell that you are a wonderful, caring woman!


thank you.

Keri

[WearyOne]

Hi, bp4Christ! (I like that name!)

Do you take anything for your OCD? I think you're right, that that could be a contributor to what you're feeling, although it's a pretty scary thing for most people when we start it. I'm a six-week-old hosehead, so I can easily relate to a lot of what you're going through. Alpha's idea of wearing it during the day is a good one. You can check out the machine and how it works while you're wearing the mask. Lay down with it on during the day, not trying to nap or anything, but just to get used to it.

To address a few of your concerns, first, is your machine and humidifier sitting lower than you when you're in bed? It should be. And take a look at your humidifier. The water in there can't come out in force unless you knock the machine over. You may get moisture in your mask, or little droplets in your hose (called rainout), but it won't be a ton of water that could drown you. And if droplets in the hose puddle at all, with the humidifier sitting lower than you, it should drain back that way, not into your mask.

All masks I believe have CO2 vent holes. You should be able to hold your hand up to the holes when you have the mask on and the air is on. Feel the air coming out. The air from the machine pushes out through these holes the CO2 that you exhale. And full face masks like yours not only have CO2 vent holes in it, but something called an "asphixiation valve." If the air stops coming through the machine, that valve opens up and lets in extra air. Between that and the CO2 air vents, you won't suffocate. Besides, your body will wake you up is you're not getting enough air.

Don't worry about the bacteria in the humidifier. That's not as big a deal as people once thought. Yes, it's important to clean it, but a lot of people only clean it every couple of days, or maybe even once a week.

I know, it is scary, but time and patience, and staying around here with us will help. We're here for you! Please continue to let us know how you're doing.

Pam

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CPAPopedia Keywords Contained In This Post (Click For Definition): humidifier, hose, rainout, clean

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CPAPopedia Keywords Contained In This Post (Click For Definition): humidifier, hose, rainout, clean

[Linda3032]

Thank you Inpjs -- that's sweet of you to say.

Humidifier cleaning -- and some of us only rinse it out every couple of months. Truth be told. .............

[twitch]

This is a new experience. One that certainly interferes with all of the other routines in your life. It forces you to deal with something scary and very foreign in a world that frankly is overwhelming in itself. It's really tough and I'm going through it right now myself. I've had my CPAP for about two weeks. There are nights where I put the mask on and I'm afraid I'm going to stop breathing. I'm afraid the pressure that's coming back at me is going to make me hyperventilate. I've learned that this fear is normal.

I find that creating a routine for myself helps. By working the machine into all of the different steps of your life, it can help. It's no longer something scary and foreign. It becomes part of the process.

I say all this but realize that it's easier said than done. I wish you all the luck and if there's one thing I've noticed is that everyone here is wonderful and very supportive. Keep posting!

Jessica

[kteague]

BP4Christ,

Even those without OCD can struggle with this adjustment. For several years I took a medication that actually caused some compulsiveness. It's hard to be reasonable when fighting those feelings. You are doing the right thing by putting yourself in a position to hear the words of others, to open yourself up to words that may calm and/or convince.

From what you said about the severity of your apnea, just the fact that you live in an era when there is a treatment is a blessing. Your machine is a gift of life, and I'm thinking at some point in the near future you are going to find yourself just as "focused" on using it as you have been on not using it. If you read a bit on this forum, quite a few of us are pretty "caught up" in our machines, masks, etc.

I pray you find peace in using your machine and mask. I take comfort in not having to worry about the apnea when I am "hosed up". Granted, I'd rather not need to, but since I do, I'm thankful it is available to me.

Best wishes.

Kathy

[SelfSeeker]

bp4Christ, many hugs to you.

You will learn to deal with your fear. We here at CPAPTalk will help you.

Posting your fears is a major first step.

I dealt with claustrophobia of the interfaces. (May make no sense to others, but for me, the fear of different mask on my face were giving me panic feelings and one panic attact. It was something that I had to over come.)

I agree with wearing your interface and machine during the day will help with the feeling of the machine on.

You asked why do you feel this way. I do not know why you feel this way. You said you have OCD. It may well be a part of this. Are you getting help for the OCD.

You may have a rational logical understanding of germs and bacteria and your mind runs away with the what ifs. I remember thinking of the germs that may lurk in the tubing and everything, could my breath make it back into the humidifier etc. I do not have OCD, but I did think of these things. I rinsed everything every day the first few days, then I started reading post about what others did for cleaning. I went, somewhere in the middle of the two extremes of almost never to everyday. You will have to find your balance. At the beginning, I liked the idea of the vinegar in the rinse water. I knew this would help with killing bacteria etc.

It is good that you listed your fears. It is not one I do not know what fear. But individual real fears. See if you can deal with the individual fears and make sense of them or try to lessen the fear by taking actions for them.

Right off the top. I will insist that you move your APAP, off the shelf. This is way to dangerous and not safe. What if it falls on you if you move while sleeping. The APAP moving and falling is a possibility. Not a safe thing. Put it on the floor, Pile up some books or brinks or whatever. Get a little stepping stool or a chair from the dollar store etc. You get the picture.

I do not know if you will ever not think of the mask and turn over and go to sleep. I know the mask is there, I feel it, but I do not fear it now. Actually I want it on when I go to bed, because I feel better when I wake up and I sleep a bit better.

Your fear of bacteria. How can you deal with that. Like you are doing. Rinse the humidifier every day. Make sure you only used distilled water.

For bacteria in your hose, rinse your hose every morning and hang it to dry.

Wash your interface as recommended in your guide book or instruction manual.

Sleep apnea can kill you in your sleep without warning. It would take much longer for any germ or bacteria to kill you, and you would feel sick and see a doctor way before the bacteria kills you.

bp4Christ keep posting, hopefully we can help you get more comfortable with what your are feeling and dealing with.

It is easy for someone to say deal with it and get over it. But it is a long process that only you can deal with. We can help you cope and be understanding.

You did not mention, what if the power goes out, can you still breath. A common fear. Make sure the check valve is clear and working. Most masks are designed to flush out CO2 in case of a power failure and you will wake up.

Do a search on your fears and read the post. It may help reassure you. Others have had similar fears. Maybe not as strong as you, but many have had the same fears.

As for being 21, Be happy that you got diagnosed now and not 20 years later when your whole body was suffering from long term apnea problems or you died in your sleep.

I wish you the best. And keep posting.

[bearcatx16]

bp4Christ:

Welcome, from another new hosehead. Like everyone before me has said, you have found the place to bring your fears and questions to regarding xpap. For me it was 4 months of practice, practice, practice wearing the mask before I could get through my titration study. So practice, practice, practice and talk to your equipment to the point, like some I've read about, of giving the mask, hose and machine a name. Humidifier cleanliness is not my strong point, whenever I top it off w/distilled water I kinda swirl the water around, I haven't seen anything to be concerned about like cattails, so I've just added water. Now I sleep anywhere from 7 to 10 hrs under the mask with no sleep aids, no ramp and no EPR. The only thing used is a well discussed product that you will find out about if you read long enough.

You'll be added to my prayer list.

Best regards,

Fred

[oceanpearl]

My BIPAP is on the top of my bed and is 24 inches above my head. The only time that there has ever had water physicallyr coming down the hose is when I did not put on my hose insulation cover.
That was no biggie, since a portion of the hose was below my mouth level. Just a little gurgling sound that was corrected by removing the hose from the mask and letting it blow free for a few seconds.


IF I CAN SLEEP ON A MACHINE, ANYONE IN THE WORLD SHOULD BE ABLE TOO!
I don't know of anyone who fought it longer than me. Think that I bought and tried every gimmick in the universe to keep from using a CPAP/BIPAP.

[Wulfman]

i got my cpap last thursday, but i am really nervous and scared of it. i am afraid by some freak thing it is going to kill me in my sleep, like the humidifier will malfunction and i will drown, or i'll sufforcate from c02. i told me dme about this, and he assured me that i have nothing to worry about, and that i am 100% less likely to die on the machine, than the sleep apnea killing me. i am only 21, i have ocd, and i think that this may have something to do with it, but the machine makes me really uncomfortable, and it makes me nervous to go to bed, i don't really know how to put into words how i feel, but i am just scared of it, and afraid to use it before i go to bed, i was all excited about it when i got it, but that has completely changed....can anyone help me? how do i get over this nervousness, fear, and uncomfortableness and not even think about the mask and just turn over and sleep like i normally do. i have been emptying the humidifer everyday except for yesterday, i forgot, but i washed it pretty thoroughly to prevent any bacteria from growing that might harm me.... why do i feel like this, i am now scared to even go to bed because of the machine, and now that my sleep apnea might even kill me. i didn't use the machine last night, i just didn't want to. my sleep doctor told me that my apnea was bad enough that i would turn over dead in my sleep, but my pressure is set to 14....what do i do? please help.

What do you do? Use the machine.
I also heard a rumor that it cures OCD, too.....
Don't laugh.....lots of people that start this therapy and clean their equipment daily, finally realize that they're wasting alot of time doing that.
After all, it's OUR germs.
The bacteria (if any did possibly exist in the HH tank) is actually too heavy to be carried out of the tank with the air flow and water vapor. Don't sweat that one.

Your DME and doctor were right. There's a much higher probability of you dying by NOT using the machine than by using it. (100% sounds about right)

In the words of our esteemed former Surgeon General, Joyceln Elders: "We're all going to die of something someday."

Don't make that "someday" come any sooner than it has to!

Best wishes,

Den