CPAP sucess causing marriage issues

[exersize_freak]

Hi,

I started CPAP treatment about 2 months ago, and now I am having marriage issues. While my wife loves the new me, because I am a nicer person. I am having issues with her because our energy levels are now extremely out of sync. in the 6 or 7 prior to CPAP therapy as my apnea was getting worse and worse, I enjoyed cuddling on the couch with her every night after work, now however after work I want to be active now that I have energy and she still just wants to sit on the couch. Also, prior to CPAP therapy we both would sleep together for 9 to 10 hrs per night and now, I wake up after exactly 7 hours energized and ready to go. This too is causing issues because she wants me to stay in bed with her and I have too much energy. Prior to sleep apnea I averaged 5 to 6 hrs of sleep a night and would still wake up energized. I am worried that I am heading back to this, because the first month after CPAP I needed exactly 8 hrs of sleep and now that is down to 7 hrs.

Has anyone else had these types or issues? If so, how have you dealt?

Thanks!!!!

[LSAT]

So, I guess getting healthy is a bad thing.

[DeadlySleep]

You could turn the pressure down so your AHI goes up to, say, 20. That should keep your stupid butt in bed a couple more hours per day.

[Violet West]

communicate your concerns and ask for patience; some of this upset will surely settle down into new patterns. Stress the benefits to your wife, and ask her help in working things out (shrugs)

[jnk...]

If you use the appropriate amount of that energy doing things for her, she may be less likely to resent it.

So, double the cuddle time, on or off the couch. And when you get up in the mornings before her, use all that energy to cook her favorite breakfast, to clean up the dishes, and to do some/all of her chores.

She will worship the ground you walk on, and may even then want a CPAP machine for herself!

(Man, I hope my wife doesn't read any of what I just wrote above. Do as I say, not as . . . )

[robysue]

It's worth talking to your wife in a non-judgemental way. By that I mean you need to find out why she's content to sit on the couch and snuggle. Perhaps she is more tired and cranky on a daily basis than you realize. Does she wake up feeling tired every day in spite of getting a full night's sleep? Does she not have any energy to do more active things in the evening? Or is it that she is busy doing a lot of household chores during part of the evening and by the time they're done she's tired enough to just want to relax on the couch for a while before going to bed?

And keep this in mind: Snuggle time can be very important to a lot of people, and as happy as she is that you are feeling better, she may also be missing the snuggle time she's come to enjoy. Snuggling in bed was always very important to me pre-CPAP. And one of my biggest complaints about my own CPAPing is that I am physically uncomfortable trying to snuggle in bed with the mask on and I'm psychologically uncomfortable snuggling in bed without the mask on. And this has left me feeling deprived of snuggle-time. Fortunately my hubby has been understanding and we have found that snuggle time on the couch helps me satisfy my need for snuggle time.

So try to come up with some compromises that still show your wife how much she means to you. Talk about activities that you both used to enjoy and suggest that you do some of them in the evenings two or three times a week while still planning on "cuddle-on-the-couch" time on the other evenings. In the mornings when you wake up raring to go and she's still wanting to snuggle in bed, offer to make her coffee or breakfast after you get up and let her sleep in while you're doing it. If your wife does most of the household chores in the late afternoon or evening, start doing some of them without being asked: It will increase your wife's energy levels while at the same time using up some of your new found energy. And in exchange maybe your wife will be more interested in doing more active, fun activities in the evenings with you.

[chunkyfrog]

You may not be the only one in the house suffering from apnea.
At the very least, her fatigue could be a sign that she needs medical intervention.

[ThisGuy]

I'm at the opposite side of the coin. My wife set up a separate bedroom 3 years ago because of my sleeping habits. Now that things are getting in line and the snoring is gone, I asked her if she is moving back in. She said she is considering it, but has gotten comfortable having a separate bed, being able to watch tv or read a book while going to sleep, going to bed on her own schedule..... That's ok with me, I have the king size bed and the dog likes to sleep with her. More room for me and I'm not a fan of tv, especially when trying to sleep. I think we'd probably get a house with 2 master suites if it was feasible. Oh well, at least I won't be so annoying to her in hotels while on vacations and trips.

[Goofproof]

Many times couples have troubles, often the cause that is given isn't the main cause. People don't always tell the truth about what's bothering them. Jim

I'd love to have your problem, mine has always been reversed, I learned to live with it.

[BlackSpinner]

She may need a sleep study.

However this is a common issue when one partner changes, gets better. Roles change and the partner that was the one looking after things has suddenly lost their role. It is common to find spouses subtly and unconsciously "sabotaging" change. It is even more common for people with addictions and mental health issues to have their friends and family refusing to cooperate, not allowing them to change.

Find a good marriage counsellor to help both of you find new roles before it becomes a huge issue.

[davidb01]

Myself, I' was diagnosed with sleep apnea a couple of months ago and just finished my month long cpap trial (I'm getting my own machine this weekend). So - I'm getting better (sort of), but my wife is getting worse!

We have 3 small children (3, 4 and 6) so sleep is a limited commodity at the best of times! Before being on CPAP, I basically did all the getting up and putting kids back to bed when they came in at night, but now I'm on the machine, my wife is tending to get up more. However - my wife also has severe iron deficiency, is constantly tired all the time and says she only gets a few hours sleep a night. I understand there can be a link between low iron and sleep apnea? Should I be suggesting she go get a sleep test done as well?

[palerider]

However - my wife also has severe iron deficiency... Should I be suggesting she go get a sleep test done as well?

and start cooking in cast iron pots and pans.

[Gasper62]

However - my wife also has severe iron deficiency... Should I be suggesting she go get a sleep test done as well?

and start cooking in cast iron pots and pans.

Yeah, and use em to cook up some calf livers, too.

[davidb01]

Good suggestions, yes - unfortunately not helpful in our case!

Her problem isn't in not getting enough iron, her problem is she doesn't absorb iron properly!

[Grace~~~]

However - my wife also has severe iron deficiency, is constantly tired all the time and says she only gets a few hours sleep a night. I understand there can be a link between low iron and sleep apnea? Should I be suggesting she go get a sleep test done as well?

I am so happy to hear of your success, David.

I wonder what information is available about the connection of sleep apnea and iron deficiency? I am taking prescription iron, and prenatals and also have iron infusions. My RDW (or size of red blood cells) is also really off and I fight to keep hemoglobin even in the 10s. I guess I have several reasons for being exhausted. (Though I never admit I am exhausted)

...and this machine is *one of* my "hopes for cure"!

It's pretty hard for me as I have ALWAYS been super healthy and strong (the consummate surfer beach chick) for my entire life. It's hard for me to even admit anything is wrong.
Being sick feels like failure for me and I have tried to do everything healthy and right my whole life. So this all seems like a mistake.
(or a conspiracy during times I am feeling really weak. lol)

I always think I must be doing something wrong and if I can find it I will fix it immediately and do any amount of difficult "extra credit" work.

I really can only say it here because "it's anonymous". :p

I'm going to google anemia and apnea, but if anyone knows of an article or study that would be great.