Re: OT: Moving again - Updated - Now moved

BlackSpinner · Post by **BlackSpinner** » Tue Feb 14, 2012 2:25 pm

Yes I am moving again. Hopefully it will not be -34C on March 8th like it was last time I moved. I am also not going to have any hospital procedures done.
I am moving to Edmonton to go and live with my parents to help my sister look after them.
I am giving up my wonderful light filled studio, my privacy, my garden that I spent all last summer digging out, my housemates and friends and most of my possessions to do this.
I am moving into my parents basement, supervising the renovations to the bathroom and hoping I can get the workshop into clean enough shape so I can turn it into a studio.

When I was there this time i realized that my sister couldn't cope anymore. Mom needs both a day shift and a night shift now and Jo is just fried. So I made it clear to my parents I was doing it for her, not just them. Also for my self. I can't keep flying back and forth, where ever I am my thoughts are at the other place.

Without the cpap machine I would never have been able to do this.

Two boxes packed with yarn. Now to go through the fabrics, I have 3 weeks to get organized. Find movers, do taxes, sort and pack, help my housemates find another roommate.... the list is long. So if I seem a bit more abrasive then usual, you can handle it, you are big boys and girls.

Oh and the dog was sick (infected paw) when I got home on Sunday night so I spent the first day back at the vets.

Slinky · Post by **Slinky** » Tue Feb 14, 2012 2:29 pm

(((hugs))), BlackSpinner. Its a tuff and painful time of life when our parents begin to fail.

chunkyfrog · Post by **chunkyfrog** » Tue Feb 14, 2012 2:34 pm

A big hug from me, too.
The last times we have with our loved ones is not the easiest, but it may be the most precious.

jamiswolf · Post by **jamiswolf** » Tue Feb 14, 2012 3:14 pm

Blackspinner,
I applaud you for this decision. Caring for parents is all too often relegated to strangers. Back in 2005 I lived with my Father during the last 6 months of his life. It was not easy, but turned out to be a very valuable and precious time for me. Best wishes for you and I hope the move goes smoothly.
Jamis

BlackSpinner · Post by **BlackSpinner** » Tue Feb 14, 2012 3:21 pm

Thanks
As I am packing I am telling myself it is not as bad as the time the apartment building I lived in had a fire. There is no cold dirty water dripping down the back of my neck and my stuff is not wet and smelly or smashed.

sigh - 3 boxes down

DreamDiver · Post by **DreamDiver** » Tue Feb 14, 2012 3:24 pm

BlackSpinner wrote:Without the cpap machine I would never have been able to do this.

I wish you safe and pleasant travels during your move. I hope your dog recovers quickly. Speaking from personal experience, before my father passed, it took more than two people to manage his needs. Please remember to think about your health like the aeroplane oxygen mask: you have to be safe and healthy before you can help others. If you and your sister both still find yourselves getting fried, remember to ask other family members, neighbors and even community programs for help.

kteague · Post by **kteague** » Tue Feb 14, 2012 4:15 pm

This is one of those life decisions that no matter which way you decide it would likely be hard to live with. I hope during this experience you get pleasantly surprised with moments of affirmation that your decision is not ALL sacrifice. Hang in there.
Kathy

BlackSpinner · Post by **BlackSpinner** » Tue Feb 14, 2012 4:18 pm

Hey you guys - you are making it hard to pack because now I have tears in my eyes

Thank you

Julie · Post by **Julie** » Tue Feb 14, 2012 4:23 pm

Hi - don't be sad, one of us is enough. I know you'll be here via the net, but I can't help thinking us Montrealers are going to be farther apart than ever... and I so relate about your studio, etc. as the past few years for me have been those of constant downsizing and having to leave so many personal things behind... I think you're terrific for going to help out but please don't stop coming here once you're set up! Good luck with it all..

jnk · Post by **jnk** » Tue Feb 14, 2012 4:43 pm

BlackSpinner wrote:. . . you are big boys and girls. . . .

Even those of us who aren't wish you well with the move.

It is always inspiring to hear about hard decisions being made for the right reasons. So thanks for sharing and keeping us informed.

If you like reading the occasional pop-psychobabble trash like I do, I'd like to quote an article from the WSJ back in 2000:

"One of the most overlooked and powerful grieving experiences is moving -- whether the move is good or bad, or the reasons are positive or negative," says executive director Russell P. Friedman. . . . "The Grief Recovery Handbook" (1998, Harper Collins) . . . defines grief as "the conflicting feelings caused by a change or an end in a familiar pattern of behavior involved." . . . Be gentle with yourself. . . . Hearts don't fit into moving boxes, and they have their own timetable. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time to grieve, rethink your life and find the light at the end of your tunnel."

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB126417811860133249.html

Those sound like words of wisdom to me.

But, eh, whadda I know?

carbonman · Post by **carbonman** » Tue Feb 14, 2012 5:00 pm

BlackSpinner, make the right decisions and
good things will come to you.
You're making the right decision.
We need to honor our parents in their time of need.
You are doing that.

All things for a reason.
Blessings on you.

Starlette · Post by **Starlette** » Tue Feb 14, 2012 11:12 pm

((Huggs to you Blackspinner))

I was a caretaker to my husband for 3 months which was the darkest time for us and our marriage. He had 3 herniated discs near his tailbone. I can talk from experience. Remember in the midst of taking care of others, you also need to take care of yourself:

Getting out the house by going shopping.
Treating yourself to a movie.
Getting a fully body message.
Etc, etc, etc.

In short, NEVER forget to take care of yourself in the midst of taking care of someone else.

When you get settled in, let us know how you're doing.

Starlette

rocklin · Post by **rocklin** » Wed Feb 15, 2012 2:14 am

As Dirty Harry so famously said:

"Sometimes a man has to put aside his principles, and do what's right."

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______________________________________________________________
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Dropping everything to take of your parents, hard as it may (or may not) seem . . . is doing the right thing.

Best wishes,

roc

Marietjie · Post by **Marietjie** » Wed Feb 15, 2012 4:31 am

Blackspinner, a hug and a kiss for you (()):**
Read more (a tip or two that will help you and your sister) - http://www.livestrong.com/article/73620 ... ents-home/

Gaga58 · Post by **Gaga58** » Wed Feb 15, 2012 5:40 am

Blackspinner...I soooo feel for you and wish you the best! I've been taking care of my mother for the past two years, but we moved her in with us. We are now "down to the wire" as she is pretty much bedfast, but I wouldn't have been able to do it without the help of my daughter and d-n-l, and the hubby! It IS a major upheavel and somewhat of a sacrifice, but speaking for myself, I would not have done things any different. But it does get very stressful and you do have to have a break now and then so be sure you and your sister both get those! Will be thinking of you all!

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