I've been thinking about this all day. Last night, again, I wasn't able to sleep.
Most of you probably know that I suffer from depression, but one thing about me, I rarely let it keep me from going to work. I hem and haw, and complain up a storm, but in the end, I know I need to go, so I summon the strength from somewhere, and I go.
Not this morning. I've been in bed almost all day, mostly trying to catch up on the sleep I couldn't get last night, and trying to break the back of a major depression.
I understand giving CPAP a fair shot, but this is rediculous. Go in because I'm having problems waking up feeling like my sleep hasn't been restful, and the solution they come up with is to eliminate sleep altogether? I can't do it any more. I've tried the different masks, I've tried the different humidities, I've tried all four different levels of CFLEX (1, 2, 3 and off). I just can't get to sleep with this stuff on my face.
This morning, I was all set to chuck the whole thing. Now... I still think that's the way to go, but since I've still got over a month's rental on the CPAP already paid for, I might as well keep it around, and maybe try it again sometime when I'm a bit less frustrated.
But either way, I'm not sure I'll be posting on here much any more. It just doesn't seem right for someone who gave up to be giving any kind of advice to those who are still trying to make it work.
I wish everyone who is struggling better luck than I've had, I'm very happy for those of you who have the marvelous success stories.
Oh, and the Swift that I ordered from CPAP.COM came today. As of right now, it's still sealed in it's box. If anyone wants to buy it, send me an e-mail at adric@adelphia.net.
Otherwise, I wish you all well, thanks for the encouragement.
Liam, who hates to quit, but *NEEDS* some damn sleep.
Well, folks... I think I'm giving up...
Well, folks... I think I'm giving up...
_________________
| Machine | Mask | |
 |  |
Re: Well, folks... I think I'm giving up...
LIAM
DO NOT GIVE UP. We just have to all pull you thru this. We have all suffered from depression, our bodies have taken a beating. Please do NOT GIVE UP, ok? Do you have an ambien or some such thing, take it at 9 PM, strap the da-- thing for an hr. watch some tv, read something. At least you can somewhat get the feel of the BEAST on your head before going into the bedroom and stressing out. I walk around like an idiot wit mine hr. ONE full hr. before I attach the hose. I find I am LESS ANXIOUS when I go even into the room. I have to sit up on the side of the bed for a little while, room dark, listening to myself BREATHE. I have a white noise sound machine, so finally I get sufficiently sleepy (usually is the ambien/xanax combo kicking in) and lie down. I replay my relaxation tape, and usually conk off. But I've reduced my dosages to FALL ASLEEP. One funny thing this morning, my chinstrap which I wear I must've been scrunching my da-- face into the pillow was OVER MY MOUTH. Miracle I didn't suffocate all together.
But my point is, every night is a new night. I'm no expert, am certainly a newbie and somewhat ''fearful'' of going to bed due to this PAIN IN THE A___ OSA we all suffer from, but please don't give up, ok?
Can you take a break for a few days from it...Cover it over, so you don't stress out over it...........?
We're all here for you, even when we're not online we think about our trials and tribulations and I find myself wondering how every poster is doing today?
Hang in there, we need CLOWNSHOW to make you smile. He even me smiling and I am a crabby a-- menopausal middle aged MESS. OK?
DO NOT GIVE UP. We just have to all pull you thru this. We have all suffered from depression, our bodies have taken a beating. Please do NOT GIVE UP, ok? Do you have an ambien or some such thing, take it at 9 PM, strap the da-- thing for an hr. watch some tv, read something. At least you can somewhat get the feel of the BEAST on your head before going into the bedroom and stressing out. I walk around like an idiot wit mine hr. ONE full hr. before I attach the hose. I find I am LESS ANXIOUS when I go even into the room. I have to sit up on the side of the bed for a little while, room dark, listening to myself BREATHE. I have a white noise sound machine, so finally I get sufficiently sleepy (usually is the ambien/xanax combo kicking in) and lie down. I replay my relaxation tape, and usually conk off. But I've reduced my dosages to FALL ASLEEP. One funny thing this morning, my chinstrap which I wear I must've been scrunching my da-- face into the pillow was OVER MY MOUTH. Miracle I didn't suffocate all together.
But my point is, every night is a new night. I'm no expert, am certainly a newbie and somewhat ''fearful'' of going to bed due to this PAIN IN THE A___ OSA we all suffer from, but please don't give up, ok?
Can you take a break for a few days from it...Cover it over, so you don't stress out over it...........?
We're all here for you, even when we're not online we think about our trials and tribulations and I find myself wondering how every poster is doing today?
Hang in there, we need CLOWNSHOW to make you smile. He even me smiling and I am a crabby a-- menopausal middle aged MESS. OK?
Liam1965 wrote:I've been thinking about this all day. Last night, again, I wasn't able to sleep.
Most of you probably know that I suffer from depression, but one thing about me, I rarely let it keep me from going to work. I hem and haw, and complain up a storm, but in the end, I know I need to go, so I summon the strength from somewhere, and I go.
Not this morning. I've been in bed almost all day, mostly trying to catch up on the sleep I couldn't get last night, and trying to break the back of a major depression.
I understand giving CPAP a fair shot, but this is rediculous. Go in because I'm having problems waking up feeling like my sleep hasn't been restful, and the solution they come up with is to eliminate sleep altogether? I can't do it any more. I've tried the different masks, I've tried the different humidities, I've tried all four different levels of CFLEX (1, 2, 3 and off). I just can't get to sleep with this stuff on my face.
This morning, I was all set to chuck the whole thing. Now... I still think that's the way to go, but since I've still got over a month's rental on the CPAP already paid for, I might as well keep it around, and maybe try it again sometime when I'm a bit less frustrated.
But either way, I'm not sure I'll be posting on here much any more. It just doesn't seem right for someone who gave up to be giving any kind of advice to those who are still trying to make it work.
I wish everyone who is struggling better luck than I've had, I'm very happy for those of you who have the marvelous success stories.
Oh, and the Swift that I ordered from CPAP.COM came today. As of right now, it's still sealed in it's box. If anyone wants to buy it, send me an e-mail at adric@adelphia.net.
Otherwise, I wish you all well, thanks for the encouragement.
Liam, who hates to quit, but *NEEDS* some damn sleep.
Liam, dude.... PLEASE DO NOT GIVE UP!!!
As Gailzee was saying.... we are all in this together, obviously not intentionally, but all the same.... we are our own little family of "hoseheads" and we need each other!
We can't get along without your words of wisdom... Come on now... I am new and I look forward to hearing from you, the Muckmeister, gailzee, feline, and several others on this forum.
Just remember, the Romans did not build Rome overnight... it takes time!!
So, please just hang in there for all of us!!! We need one another to get us through this crap that has been thrown into our faces.
OK?????
As Gailzee was saying.... we are all in this together, obviously not intentionally, but all the same.... we are our own little family of "hoseheads" and we need each other!
We can't get along without your words of wisdom... Come on now... I am new and I look forward to hearing from you, the Muckmeister, gailzee, feline, and several others on this forum.
Just remember, the Romans did not build Rome overnight... it takes time!!
So, please just hang in there for all of us!!! We need one another to get us through this crap that has been thrown into our faces.
OK?????
Laughter never killed anyone..... Go ahead, laugh! It's good for you!! 
-
wading thru the muck!
- Posts: 2799
- Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2004 11:42 am
Liam,
Although it kills me to see you have to quit, I understand what you are going through. You may not be in the right state of mind at this point in your life to tolerate this therapy. I'd suggest working on your sleep hygiene (sound funny but that's what they call it). Try to work on getting back to getting a good consistant nights sleep without the cpap. Try if you can to get all the other things in your life in order. I know what it's like to carry all those little burdens that all toghether can weigh on your mind and leave you uneasy and unable to shut your brain down to get the rest you need. Work on taking care of yourself. We all wish you the best of luck and hate to see you leave the forum should you choose to do so. Remeber this is not the end of the world and do not feel as though you failed. This choice is what you need to do to get better.
Although it kills me to see you have to quit, I understand what you are going through. You may not be in the right state of mind at this point in your life to tolerate this therapy. I'd suggest working on your sleep hygiene (sound funny but that's what they call it). Try to work on getting back to getting a good consistant nights sleep without the cpap. Try if you can to get all the other things in your life in order. I know what it's like to carry all those little burdens that all toghether can weigh on your mind and leave you uneasy and unable to shut your brain down to get the rest you need. Work on taking care of yourself. We all wish you the best of luck and hate to see you leave the forum should you choose to do so. Remeber this is not the end of the world and do not feel as though you failed. This choice is what you need to do to get better.
Sincerely,
wading thru the muck of the sleep study/DME/Insurance money pit!
wading thru the muck of the sleep study/DME/Insurance money pit!
Liam,
When you tell us you're giving up, it means to me you are giving up on getting well! Don't. Are you going to try surgery? It may take several before it works.
How long have you been doing this? I seem to recall it is only a few weeks.
First, remember your lungs will get stronger and it will become more comfortable for you to breathe against the pressure as time goes on.
I would never force myself to sleep all night if I couldn't get to sleep. Due to my nasal problems, I find I can only get about three hours of sleep before my nose closes up, but that's still helpful and today I had a procedure to help open my nose.
If I can't get to sleep at all, I try for an hour and then take off the mask. I always make sure I have enough time left to get sufficient sleep even if it is poor quality apneic sleep.
Don't give up, but don't force yourself either. There's a middle road.
When you tell us you're giving up, it means to me you are giving up on getting well! Don't. Are you going to try surgery? It may take several before it works.
How long have you been doing this? I seem to recall it is only a few weeks.
First, remember your lungs will get stronger and it will become more comfortable for you to breathe against the pressure as time goes on.
I would never force myself to sleep all night if I couldn't get to sleep. Due to my nasal problems, I find I can only get about three hours of sleep before my nose closes up, but that's still helpful and today I had a procedure to help open my nose.
If I can't get to sleep at all, I try for an hour and then take off the mask. I always make sure I have enough time left to get sufficient sleep even if it is poor quality apneic sleep.
Don't give up, but don't force yourself either. There's a middle road.
Don't give up
Hi Liam,
I have enjoyed your posts, Liam, but not your pain and frustration. I can't say that I have had THAT hard a time adjusting, but PLEASE don't give up!
Have you spoken to your doc or sleep center? My sleep doc was a pain, and I am switching to another when I get home from vacation, but the RT at the sleep center was very helpful and caring. He got me the right fit on the NasalAire II which made all the difference. He also let me try on a bunch of other masks to make sure that I hadn't missed something good! I stayed with my original choice, and can, fortunately, sleep well most nights.
I know that the folks on this forum are very supportive and helpful -- I am a newbie (1 month now), so don't feel real knowledgable, but if it isn't working -- let your doc or RT or someone know that what you have is NOT working and to help you find something that will work. You need to do this for your health! Maybe some artificial help to relax you so that you can fall asleep at first, as Gail suggests would help. I have not had to go down that road, and have a wonderful primary care doc, but get someone local and in the system to help you out here!
We are all here for you too (remotely of course)! Hang in there!
Aloha,
Jane
I have enjoyed your posts, Liam, but not your pain and frustration. I can't say that I have had THAT hard a time adjusting, but PLEASE don't give up!
Have you spoken to your doc or sleep center? My sleep doc was a pain, and I am switching to another when I get home from vacation, but the RT at the sleep center was very helpful and caring. He got me the right fit on the NasalAire II which made all the difference. He also let me try on a bunch of other masks to make sure that I hadn't missed something good! I stayed with my original choice, and can, fortunately, sleep well most nights.
I know that the folks on this forum are very supportive and helpful -- I am a newbie (1 month now), so don't feel real knowledgable, but if it isn't working -- let your doc or RT or someone know that what you have is NOT working and to help you find something that will work. You need to do this for your health! Maybe some artificial help to relax you so that you can fall asleep at first, as Gail suggests would help. I have not had to go down that road, and have a wonderful primary care doc, but get someone local and in the system to help you out here!
We are all here for you too (remotely of course)! Hang in there!
Aloha,
Jane
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SleepyTimeGal
- Posts: 38
- Joined: Thu Sep 02, 2004 5:21 pm
Giving Up
Hello;;
If you are having trouble keeping a mask on, it may be due to claustrophobia. To try to deal with this, try putting the mask on, just the mask, while you are awake for 5 min. at a time. Take it off, and do the same thing several times during the evening before you go to bed. If you get used to it while you are awake, it will be easier for you to wear it while trying to sleep. If you don't like the "stuff" on your face, try the Swift that you just got. It is not the same as a nasal mask, so less "stuff" on your face. Again try it while awake several times just to get familiar with the feel of it.
There is something out there for everyone, you may not have found it yet.
Good Luck
SleepyTimeGal
If you are having trouble keeping a mask on, it may be due to claustrophobia. To try to deal with this, try putting the mask on, just the mask, while you are awake for 5 min. at a time. Take it off, and do the same thing several times during the evening before you go to bed. If you get used to it while you are awake, it will be easier for you to wear it while trying to sleep. If you don't like the "stuff" on your face, try the Swift that you just got. It is not the same as a nasal mask, so less "stuff" on your face. Again try it while awake several times just to get familiar with the feel of it.
There is something out there for everyone, you may not have found it yet.
Good Luck
SleepyTimeGal
Well, folks, I appreciate you all. I really do. I'm not sure why I can't sleep with it on. I'm not sure "anxiety" really covers it (my wife doesn't think so). Although I suppose if I say it's more of a "fixation on my breathing", someone's going to come back and say "Um, you moron, what do you think anxiety IS then?"
For what it's worth, so far I haven't found a sleep aid that works for me. Tried Ambien, tried Trazadone, tried Halcion. Benadryl works sometimes, but I'm loathe to take it, because it also works really well on allergies (some other things don't, and when allergy season hits, I don't want to have dulled it's effectiveness).
But the problem is that I'm finding myself less and less effective at work, which isn't good. And... OK, here's where I keep spiraling myself into "I might as well quit": If I don't keep trying enough to get at least 4 hours of uninterrupted mask usage most nights, I'm going to lose out on the compliance deal.
Then again, I suppose that was not a valid argument now that I think it through, because after the two months of rental are up, I was thinking about buying a machine from cpap.com anyway (still cheaper than what I'll have to outlay for the rest of the one I've got).
I'll tell you what, I'll keep lurking, and perhaps try the machine on Fridays and Saturdays, when I can afford to miss sleep, because I can sleep in in the morning, and in the mean time, I'll keep reading and throwing out my opinions and wiseass comments from time to time.
And thanks, everyone. I can't promise I'm going to get through it and become a fully fledged hosehead, but it means a lot to me that you care that I try.
Liam, who hasn't had the pleasure of being fledged, fully or otherwise, in years.
For what it's worth, so far I haven't found a sleep aid that works for me. Tried Ambien, tried Trazadone, tried Halcion. Benadryl works sometimes, but I'm loathe to take it, because it also works really well on allergies (some other things don't, and when allergy season hits, I don't want to have dulled it's effectiveness).
But the problem is that I'm finding myself less and less effective at work, which isn't good. And... OK, here's where I keep spiraling myself into "I might as well quit": If I don't keep trying enough to get at least 4 hours of uninterrupted mask usage most nights, I'm going to lose out on the compliance deal.
Then again, I suppose that was not a valid argument now that I think it through, because after the two months of rental are up, I was thinking about buying a machine from cpap.com anyway (still cheaper than what I'll have to outlay for the rest of the one I've got).
I'll tell you what, I'll keep lurking, and perhaps try the machine on Fridays and Saturdays, when I can afford to miss sleep, because I can sleep in in the morning, and in the mean time, I'll keep reading and throwing out my opinions and wiseass comments from time to time.
And thanks, everyone. I can't promise I'm going to get through it and become a fully fledged hosehead, but it means a lot to me that you care that I try.
Liam, who hasn't had the pleasure of being fledged, fully or otherwise, in years.
_________________
| Machine | Mask | |
| |
Hey Liam!
You know, you may want to try a different mask! I am no expert or anything, but as SleepyTimeGal has mentioned, I am claustrophobic! I could not use the mask that went completely over my nose.... no way, no how!! I actually threw it across the room at the sleep clinic! So, instead.... I have the nasal pillows... they seem to work best for me so far! Although the ones that I just got (last Friday... was my official "Hosehead" start date) do not fit me right, I get lots of leakage.... so, I resorted to the sample nasal plugs (pillows) that I received from the sleep clinic for now. I keep waiting for the guy that gave me my machine to call me and see how I like it and how I am doing... (he promised to call me by Tuesday.... yeah right! It's now Wednesday night and no call yet) so that I can tell him I can't use the nasal pillows or whatever they are called, cause they leak all night.
Ok.. I am getting off track... but hey Liam.... think about it... You may be claustrophobic and not even know it!!
Oh, by the way, Liam..... I am glad you will stay with us here on our wonderful forum.... We would really miss you if you left!!
WELCOME BACK!!!
You know, you may want to try a different mask! I am no expert or anything, but as SleepyTimeGal has mentioned, I am claustrophobic! I could not use the mask that went completely over my nose.... no way, no how!! I actually threw it across the room at the sleep clinic! So, instead.... I have the nasal pillows... they seem to work best for me so far! Although the ones that I just got (last Friday... was my official "Hosehead" start date) do not fit me right, I get lots of leakage.... so, I resorted to the sample nasal plugs (pillows) that I received from the sleep clinic for now. I keep waiting for the guy that gave me my machine to call me and see how I like it and how I am doing... (he promised to call me by Tuesday.... yeah right! It's now Wednesday night and no call yet) so that I can tell him I can't use the nasal pillows or whatever they are called, cause they leak all night.
Ok.. I am getting off track... but hey Liam.... think about it... You may be claustrophobic and not even know it!!
Oh, by the way, Liam..... I am glad you will stay with us here on our wonderful forum.... We would really miss you if you left!!
WELCOME BACK!!!
Laughter never killed anyone..... Go ahead, laugh! It's good for you!!
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Guest
Perhaps I missed it but are you being treated for depression well enough to take on the stress of dealing with CPAP?
You might need to address issue one before going onto issue two because if not, a second issue in your life may fail simply due to your depression.
If you are being treated for your depression, perhaps you need to change meds. Each may produce a different result. Zoloft, for example can produce nervousness. Welbutrin seems to have a more calming effect for some.
Just a thought. (if you addressed this, sorry for missing it)
You might need to address issue one before going onto issue two because if not, a second issue in your life may fail simply due to your depression.
If you are being treated for your depression, perhaps you need to change meds. Each may produce a different result. Zoloft, for example can produce nervousness. Welbutrin seems to have a more calming effect for some.
Just a thought. (if you addressed this, sorry for missing it)
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HappyHoser
- Posts: 169
- Joined: Mon Jan 24, 2005 8:40 pm
- Location: Missoula, Montana
Liam, I'm not much of an expert on anything but I am proof that this terrible cycle of sleep deprivation can be licked. Please please keep working on some aspect of the problem. You may find everything starts to fall together when you make even a small dent in one part of the cycle. Try to hang in there and know that we are all your friends here on this forum and would do anything to help you get a leg up on this. We are all here because we have shared your pain. I'll include you in my prayers.
Doug, who would miss Liam and his third person
Doug, who would miss Liam and his third person
_________________
| Mask | Humidifier | |
 |  |
Doug
HappyHoser
HappyHoser
Post your phone number here Dude!
You have the best dry humour in the world and many of us will pay you
to keep posting. Now you got to start getting specific about what
the problems are and we will solve them one at a time. First change
you life insurance beneficiary over to me instead of that old ball-n-chain
just in case none of us can find a solution. Also send us your postal address
so we can send you things like motivational tapes to listen too. I actually
had PAP work for me for 5 glorious nights before I lost it. Now I am
struggling to get it back again. Last night the Xanax did the trick. Did
you try Valerian root? Are you being honest with us? If you have tons
of anxiety you will not sleep. If your nose is all plugged up you will not
sleep. If the old ball-n-chain is dancing around naked you will not sleep.
Each of these will need a different approach. You have certainly not
run out of suggestions of things to try by any means. Have you tried
running 3 miles before going to bed? Have you eaten tons of turkey
and drinken warm milk before going to bed? Have you had tons of wild
sex before going to bed? See!! There are lots of things left to try before
giving up. Be honest with us though as I think you may be a wolf in
sheep's clothing and just pulling our leg. How can you shell out
money for a mask and then give up without taking it out of the packaging?
By the way, send that to me. I will pay you for it. One way or another I will
personally get you through this. Why you ask? Well my sister was
diagnosed with sleep apnea. She said mask was uncomfortable. She
tried oral appliance but it "bothered her". She had UPP surgery and
when she drank water it came out of her nose. I loved her dearly. She
was my sister. You are a total stranger. She went to bed
AND DIED OF SLEEP APNEA. NOW I DON'T HAVE A SISTER!!!
WORSE YET!! I HAVE NOW BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH SLEEP APNEA!!
What should I do?? Help me!! Should I give up and say goodbye to
my beautiful wife and children??
Am I depressed and anxious?? You can bet your life on it. Am I
going to beat this? You can bet the world that I am going to find
some solution as death waits patiently for all of us.
to keep posting. Now you got to start getting specific about what
the problems are and we will solve them one at a time. First change
you life insurance beneficiary over to me instead of that old ball-n-chain
just in case none of us can find a solution. Also send us your postal address
so we can send you things like motivational tapes to listen too. I actually
had PAP work for me for 5 glorious nights before I lost it. Now I am
struggling to get it back again. Last night the Xanax did the trick. Did
you try Valerian root? Are you being honest with us? If you have tons
of anxiety you will not sleep. If your nose is all plugged up you will not
sleep. If the old ball-n-chain is dancing around naked you will not sleep.
Each of these will need a different approach. You have certainly not
run out of suggestions of things to try by any means. Have you tried
running 3 miles before going to bed? Have you eaten tons of turkey
and drinken warm milk before going to bed? Have you had tons of wild
sex before going to bed? See!! There are lots of things left to try before
giving up. Be honest with us though as I think you may be a wolf in
sheep's clothing and just pulling our leg. How can you shell out
money for a mask and then give up without taking it out of the packaging?
By the way, send that to me. I will pay you for it. One way or another I will
personally get you through this. Why you ask? Well my sister was
diagnosed with sleep apnea. She said mask was uncomfortable. She
tried oral appliance but it "bothered her". She had UPP surgery and
when she drank water it came out of her nose. I loved her dearly. She
was my sister. You are a total stranger. She went to bed
AND DIED OF SLEEP APNEA. NOW I DON'T HAVE A SISTER!!!
WORSE YET!! I HAVE NOW BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH SLEEP APNEA!!
What should I do?? Help me!! Should I give up and say goodbye to
my beautiful wife and children??
Am I depressed and anxious?? You can bet your life on it. Am I
going to beat this? You can bet the world that I am going to find
some solution as death waits patiently for all of us.
Liam, who must stay...
This is the first message board where I have scanned only for humorous closing signatures because I didn't have the time to read all the text bodies. Talk about guilty pleasures!!
With that said can we at least talk you into a dental appliance so that we might continue to be blessed by your fine wit and engaging coversation, Liam?
Give CPAP a break for a while if you must, but don't throw the towel in on either your health or your fans!
_______________________________________________________________________
-SWS, who never liked that ending to the Shane movie and doesn't want to relive it now...
With that said can we at least talk you into a dental appliance so that we might continue to be blessed by your fine wit and engaging coversation, Liam?
Give CPAP a break for a while if you must, but don't throw the towel in on either your health or your fans!
_______________________________________________________________________
-SWS, who never liked that ending to the Shane movie and doesn't want to relive it now...
Liam
Liam,
I've noticed you've started a whole new trend on the forum -- funny one-liners ending poster's messages. Who knew you could be a trend setter!!
I agree with the advice to also treat the other issues that also plague you, whether physical or whether depression. Doesn't matter if it's a symptom or a cause, it's real. But don't let anyone treat and change your humor!
As others have said, keep posting no matter what your decision. We like those funny one-liners at the end of your posts.
Besides, encouraging you helps us keep our minds off our own problems. Kind of perverse, huh?
Linda, who thinks "perverse" is a verb.
I've noticed you've started a whole new trend on the forum -- funny one-liners ending poster's messages. Who knew you could be a trend setter!!
I agree with the advice to also treat the other issues that also plague you, whether physical or whether depression. Doesn't matter if it's a symptom or a cause, it's real. But don't let anyone treat and change your humor!
As others have said, keep posting no matter what your decision. We like those funny one-liners at the end of your posts.
Besides, encouraging you helps us keep our minds off our own problems. Kind of perverse, huh?
Linda, who thinks "perverse" is a verb.