Me, Him, and It

[chunkyfrog]

Logic says the manufacturers would want to make the equipment more comfortable and appealing plus as effective as is medically possible.

[jlmoorekcmo]

I joke with my wife that I am putting on my "fighter pilot" oxygen mask. Nothing like invoking a Top Gun reference for a woman that grew up in the 80s.

One problem with Top Gun reference.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHklGtW3rwU

[chunkyfrog]

Mrs. Bear, where are you?

[Pugsy]

Pugsy will probably tell you that in that case you should discard the data. And don't take into account the leaks!!!

OMG it wasn't the leaks I was thinking of it scoring....it was the centrals...massive holding your breath for sure.
I bet I would have some minute long centrals.

Looks like OP has returned yet or isn't responding because she didn't get the replies she was hoping for. Hope that isn't the case. CPAP using isn't the end of romance at all, instead it is just the beginning.

I didn't respond to the removing tonsils thing. Don't know if it would help or not but a good friend of mine lost her 8 year old grandson due to removing his tonsils. Died when he bled out in his own bed during the night. No surgery is without risks and just scares the hell out of me.

[chunkyfrog]

I know the feeling.
My tonsils came out when I was 6.
Catholic hospital; all the nurses were nuns in full, long habits with gigantic crosses.
I was SURE I was going to die.

[jlklinko]

Hi There Mrs. Bear:

1) I agree with all the above posters.
2) Don't look at the machine getting in the way, look at it as a life preserver.
3) Have all your fun and cuddling before he puts his mask on. Thats what I do.

[the_nap_ster]

OMG it wasn't the leaks I was thinking of it scoring....it was the centrals...massive holding your breath for sure.
I bet I would have some minute long centrals.

True story: when I printed out all my data to show my sleep doc, she remarked on the "interesting" cluster of centrals I had one night. And I made a mental note to be more selective about which data I print out in the future.

[DagoRed]

OMG it wasn't the leaks I was thinking of it scoring....it was the centrals...massive holding your breath for sure.
I bet I would have some minute long centrals.

True story: when I printed out all my data to show my sleep doc, she remarked on the "interesting" cluster of centrals I had one night. And I made a mental note to be more selective about which data I print out in the future.

LOL, thanks for the laughs

[dnrperez]

For my wife, and myself it hasnt been an issue - she actually like the exhaust ports on her neck to help keep her cooler at night(hot flashes) lol. It took about a month to figure out how to cuddle with the mask, but we adjusted. Its not easy, but can be done. Just expirament is the best answer no one answer for every couple. We usually cuddle for a little bit, and when she falls asleep i roll over or I do at some point during the night. Everyone is right the risk/benefits of the CPAP therapy FAR out weight some lost nights of cuddling.

Good luck

[kaiasgram]

Now that the posts in this thread have finally turned humorous, which is a good thing, I will take the risk of adding my two cents.

While all of you have given the original poster good advice, some of you IMHO have been too harsh in your criticism of her motives.

If the newly-married Mrs. Bear didn't take her husband's condition and need for cpap therapy seriously, she wouldn't have posted here on cpaptalk in the first place, now would she?

I see nothing in her original post to suggest that she was looking for excuses to not have her husband use the cpap therapy. She was looking for good advice, as many others have done before her, as to how to cope with and harmonize physical intimacy with cpap treatment.

I hope she has not been chased away by some of the harsh treatment, suggesting that she was being selfish by asking for counsel here.

And I apologize for my post, if I in turn have offended any other posters here.

Respectfully,

Nate

Nate, I hope mrs.bear stayed on the forum long enough to read your post. Empathy can go a long way in helping a person become more open to a new way of thinking/acting. There are some wonderful suggestions in this thread but if she was 'chased off' as you say, she and her husband won't benefit from them.

[W7SOT]

One thing you could look into - although their would still be a mask between you and him - is the sleepweaver mask - it is all cloth mask, does not cause major leaks if something pushes against it - sure beats trying to snuggle with a hunk of plastic - their is not one but of plastic or hard material in this thing.

Worked good for my wife and I

[dragonflybeach]

I can only add "support and encouragement" and lots of it.
You two are not only bonded by marriage but by a mutual respect for each others health.
If you broke your leg would he help you shower and dress?
If either of you developed diabetes, would the other one turn a blind eye and not support this new road you are traveling together?

My husband and I ended up switching sides of the bed...again. Just like when I was pregnant and had to sleep on my left side. We now find we both sleep better now that we switched sides of the bed.

Wishing you and yours the best of luck and hopefully we haven't scared you away.

Keep posting away and we will answer.

[123.Shawn T.W.]

So is Mrs. Bear gone, or is Mr. Bear in the hospital or morgue?

[kaiasgram]

So is Mrs. Bear gone, or is Mr. Bear in the hospital or morgue?

After reading this I almost hope mrs. bear has left the forum so she doesn't see it -- this just feels cruel and unnecessaary to me.

I don't know how old Mrs. Bear is, but she sounds young. Let's remember what it's like to be young and to still have that sense of 'immunity', not yet ready to understand that the choices we make now really do have long range consequences for the rest of our lives. Mrs. Bear is/was probably ahead of most young people in that she had enough internal conflict and concern -- maybe even fear, we don't know -- about their situation to write in to the forum to ask for help. I have to wonder if all the scolding she got made it difficult for her to really listen to the great suggestions that were offered.

I am indebted to the good, helpful people on this forum, indeed you all have saved me by getting me through the first extremely difficult month on CPAP. But I wish there was more empathy and less intolerance of people who need to express their feelings about what they're going through. There are some excellent articles at the top of this website about the stages of grief and loss, the anxiety, and emotional struggles that are part of the journey with apnea and cpap. We acknowledge that there is a process people go through, but I've observed that when somebody in the midst of the negative feelings actually gives a voice to their grief and struggle, they are often met with admonishing and negative, sometimes even sarcastic responses. It needs to be ok especially for a newbie to say "I hate CPAP" or "I don't want to use it!" and not get e-slammed for having expressed what many if not most of us have felt at one point or another.

There are more understanding and positive ways to help others understand the benefits of cpap compliance for their lives, both short and long-term. Can we please strive to inspire and encourage others in ways that support and encourage them to stay on the path? Thanks for listening.

[123.Shawn T.W.]

So is Mrs. Bear gone, or is Mr. Bear in the hospital or morgue?

After reading this I almost hope mrs. bear has left the forum so she doesn't see it -- this just feels cruel and unnecessaary to me.

I don't know how old Mrs. Bear is, but she sounds young. Let's remember what it's like to be young and to still have that sense of 'immunity', not yet ready to understand that the choices we make now really do have long range consequences for the rest of our lives. Mrs. Bear is/was probably ahead of most young people in that she had enough internal conflict and concern -- maybe even fear, we don't know -- about their situation to write in to the forum to ask for help. I have to wonder if all the scolding she got made it difficult for her to really listen to the great suggestions that were offered.

I am indebted to the good, helpful people on this forum, indeed you all have saved me by getting me through the first extremely difficult month on CPAP. But I wish there was more empathy and less intolerance of people who need to express their feelings about what they're going through. There are some excellent articles at the top of this website about the stages of grief and loss, the anxiety, and emotional struggles that are part of the journey with apnea and cpap. We acknowledge that there is a process people go through, but I've observed that when somebody in the midst of the negative feelings actually gives a voice to their grief and struggle, they are often met with admonishing and negative, sometimes even sarcastic responses. It needs to be ok especially for a newbie to say "I hate CPAP" or "I don't want to use it!" and not get e-slammed for having expressed what many if not most of us have felt at one point or another.

There are more understanding and positive ways to help others understand the benefits of cpap compliance for their lives, both short and long-term. Can we please strive to inspire and encourage others in ways that support and encourage them to stay on the path? Thanks for listening.

Everyone is entitled to an opinion ... Actually Mrs.Bear has only been back the day after the original post ...

I'm glad that there are people who will say what needs to be said ... My Dr, nor the sleep study place informed me of the dangers of sleep apnea ... I found out HERE! I was just wanting some more energy and better sleep, didn't realize that my LIFE was in danger, there are many others that could be the same ...