OT: Moving Parents into New Home

[Starlette]

Good morning everyone.

I posted this on my FB yesterday and thought I share this:

Tonight, DH and I did Meals on Wheels at my parent's house tonight. Once we crossed a street nearing their home, I told DH, "This will be the last time we go this way for a visit." Erie is all I can say. We broke bread and my Dad and I said the grace for the last time there. Seems so sudden, I can't explain it. I'm not yet emotionally ready for them to say good-bye to their house that I grew up since age 3 (believe it or not I still remember when we moved in, weird). When I go over this next Saturday, it will be to help them pack. I'm 50/50, sad and happy. I feel like I'm in a dream.

@ BlackSpinner - I'm with you, just in a different sort of way.

They'll be moving 15 minutes away from us which is great, I think. It will an AWESOME thing for my Dad because of his bad knees. He'll NEVER again have to walk up and down 12 steps. The timing of me not working atm is fantastic. I can be there for them.
However, I can't stress enough the amount of STUFF that has to be moved *sigh*

Side note: My family (including me) know that house is haunted. So, I'm just hoping that the spirits don't decide to move also, they'll just stay where they're at.

Starlette

[sandman19]

GOOD LUCK! Sandman19

[Kody]

Side note: My family (including me) know that house is haunted. So, I'm just hoping that the spirits don't decide to move also, they'll just stay where they're at.

Well if your an American Horror Story fan you know the Ghost's HAVE to stay there, so your parents are safe.

Every time I visit my Dad in the house I grew up in, it does feel kind of strange.
Well good luck helping with the move and that will be nice you guys can stay closer than you were before.

[Starlette]

@ Kody - I never knew that! Never knew there was a Code of Conduct even in the unseen realm. That made my day

Yes, I'll be glad when they get settled in.

[elisabeth]

I'd like to add a good luck to you as well. I'm going through something similar and it's a horrible thing to go through. And think about how your parents are feeling about it! I know, they're probably being fine on the outside but what are they thinking otherwise?

I'm a big fan of simplifying your belongings before you get to the point that your children have to do it for you. I know that I'm new to this forum and I hope that I'm not overstepping boundaries with these thoughts.

At any rate ... again, good luck!

Sincerely,
Elisabeth

[Starlette]

[quote="elisabeth"]I'd like to add a good luck to you as well. I'm going through something similar and it's a horrible thing to go through. And think about how your parents are feeling about it! I know, they're probably being fine on the outside but what are they thinking otherwise?

I'm a big fan of simplifying your belongings before you get to the point that your children have to do it for you. I know that I'm new to this forum and I hope that I'm not overstepping boundaries with these thoughts.{/quote]

Thank you Elisabeth. My parents are 50/50 also. At their age, like my Mom has been saying, she never knew just how big a house she's had. However, Mom is really stoked about the new area and all the new shopping she'll be able to do. Not too happy at Hubbs last night when he made mention that the new area will give her LOTS of new opportunities for garaging. Both of her ears perked up!

No, you're not overstepping your boundaries. RE: Simplifying??? *shakes head* They recently built a brand new 2 car garage. For what??? You guessed it *eyeroll*, extended location for the stuff. Never seen a automobile in there, just outside the garage. What's killer at the moment is for the last 20+ years, we along with extend family and friends have had that house as the meeting place for the 4th of July. It's a corner lot that oversees a huge park and the view of the Rocky Mountains, incredible. As dumb as it may sound, I just wish I would have been given time to say goodbye to the house and to say thank you for having us, time to reminisce. Time to shutup, I'm feeling choked up.

[redjoe]

It's tough to let go of things/places that have been such an integral part of our lives. Hang in there.

Simplifying??? *shakes head* They recently built a brand new 2 car garage. For what??? You guessed it *eyeroll*, extended location for the stuff. Never seen a automobile in there, just outside the garage.

This reminds me of the old George Carlin routine "A Place for My Stuff." If you know of it, it might give you a laugh to recall it.

[Starlette]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvgN5gCuLac

Thank you Redjoe. That brought humor to the moment.

[BlackSpinner]

They recently built a brand new 2 car garage. For what??? You guessed it *eyeroll*, extended location for the stuff. Never seen a automobile in there, just outside the garage.

Yes choking on that too. My first move after I move in will be getting rid of more STUFF( a fully working TRS80 anyone?). Before I left we re-arranged the living room and about 3 dozen dwarves quietly vanished along with 12 bags of mushy romances (Norah Roberts, JD Robb...)

Do go and spend a few minutes after to moving truck leaves to say good bye. You will feel much better about it. Say a prayer, leave some flowers, anything that feels right to you.

I am still packing here. I am so torn to pieces I am making myself sick. On Monday the 5th the moving truck will come for the boxes.

[Starlette]

Do go and spend a few minutes after to moving truck leaves to say good bye. You will feel much better about it. Say a prayer, leave some flowers, anything that feels right to you.

That's a great idea BlackSpinner! I'll do that.

[nanwilson]

We've done that with my Mom too, but I think a couple of my sisters took it harder than Mom did .. She said she was happy to be moving into a new place where she didn't have to do anything or worry about something going wrong..way to go Mom!!! I certainly hope I have that frame of mind when its time for me to move out of here. Things will go great Starlette, in no time you will be fine with their new place (especially is its only a few minutes away) and back to normal.
My sisters were all born in that old house, so I can see their attachment to it, they had all been brought up there. I was 4 when Mom and I came from England and then another year before Dad built the house, so I didn't have as much of an attachment.

[idamtnboy]

Seems so sudden, I can't explain it. I'm not yet emotionally ready for them to say good-bye to their house that I grew up since age 3 (believe it or not I still remember when we moved in, weird). When I go over this next Saturday, it will be to help them pack. I'm 50/50, sad and happy. I feel like I'm in a dream.

Ahhhhh, you're just being quite normal. Actually, your parents are, or will be, feeling right along with you, in spite of anticipating the new home. Review the paper linked to in the "Dealing with change" post in announcements. The responses I discuss in that paper are applicable to this type of change also. Consider sharing them with your folks.

[Janknitz]

Packing and downsizing are so hard. I'll tell you about my brave MIL.

She was having more and more difficulty managing her home of 40 years. It was a large house (2500 sq ft!) and full of STUFF. The family had two old cars in the garage, and I used to joke that they were lying because there was so much STUFF in the garage you could NOT see the cars at all. And the rest of the house was that way, too! She could barely walk because of severe arthritis in her knees, and wasn't eating well because preparing food had become a difficult task.

Her five children and spouses started coming weekends to clear out the stuff. She wasn't mobile enough to participate in the process, but she did have a list of what she wanted to keep and who may or may not have certain things. She had to downsize to a 1 bedroom apartment at a senior assisted living facility, so that was a LOT of downsizing.

One evening, a sheriff came to the door. He said he'd been called out because "someone" reported that MIL's kids were taking things from her home without her permission.

Of course, there's ALWAYS one kid who causes problems. In this case the reporting party was my brother-in-law (or his girlfriend)--he was living off her rent free, had free use of her credit cards, telephone, internet, etc. He wasn't happy to be losing his free lunch.

My MIL stood up tall in her walker (all 4'8" of her) and looked the officer in the eye. She said, "my children are helping me because I can't live here alone anymore and I need to be in an assisted living facility". The officer tipped his hat and left,, and we never heard anything more about it from law enforcement. Once at the assisted living, she threw herself into the whole thing, enjoying activities and the resident's committee, and ended up loving being there. It's hard to do this, but it can be a very positive thing. She died last fall, but she had a very good few years away from the physical burdens of trying to maintain her life in the big old house.

[Starlette]

Janknitz.

Thank you for replying. However, your post was the one that made me cry. One would think after being married this May for 24 years and being out if that house since the age of 18, I could say "Ke sera sera" to that house. No emotional ties. I'm finding out this is not the case.
Understood Janknitz, once they get settled, things will be much better for them. atm, that is a HUGE chuck of my roots and history that is very soon coming to a close. It's just weird to see it being so final. I'm sure as I help them pack, I'm going to hear the echos of the past come out of those walls. *Starting to cry again*

[portiemom]

I know just how you're feeling, and you will always be nostalgic about your first home. Mine is story similar to the one in
"Beaches", having to move after losing my mom to cancer when I was eleven. But take comfort in the fact that you take all those precious house memories with you, unlike the ghosts you leave behind. Each night when I wake up after just a few short hours, I mediate on my "house" memories and before you know it I'm back sleeping for the next hour or two.
I wish you comfort in your "house memories." They never go away