It's Not Me

[Lavendergrey]

Hi everyone!

I am married to a wonderful man who recently began using a CPAP machine. We were both surprised when he was diagnosed with Sleep Apnea after two sleep studies...he is not overweight and does not drink, smoke, or have any other risk factors I would associate with SA. He had the studies done due to feeling tired many days, as well as snoring a bit which he never did up until the last year or so. Also waking up during the night and not being able to totally fall back to sleep. Anyway, he has been using the CPAP for about 4 weeks now, and is still struggling with being comfortable and keeping it on for more than 3-4 hours. A couple of nights he managed to keep it on for about 6 hours, but he really isn't comfortable and finds it difficult to get used to. He has changed the mask style once, and is now using the nose pillow type, which we both thought would bring him more comfort and ease in use, but not so. Although he says it is much better than the mask that totally covers his nose, which caused a sore spot on the bridge of his nose, as well as an obvious red spot where it was resting.

I am also trying to adjust, since we do share a bed and always will. I cannot begin to imagine how difficult it must be to become "used to" sleeping with the CPAP mask on and the air going into the nose. That being said, I have mentioned to my hubby a couple of times that perhaps he should try yet another type of mask, or maybe consider returning the machine since he seems unable to actually use it enough to benefit him. I don't want his health to be compromised at all...but if he isn't going to use it, I see no point in having it especially since the insurance company may end up refusing to pay for it if he doesn't begin using it more regularly. He is still being monitored via modem at this point. He tells me he still needs time to adjust and get used to it, so I decided to not say anything more about returning the machine or the fact that he is not doing any better with it after 4 weeks, and is, in fact, using it less. I realize it takes time...but shouldn't he be getting more used to it, and not less??

Maybe I just need to vent, but any advice would be useful...most nights I have no problem sleeping while he is using it, but other nights if he is struggling with it during the night I do wake up...sometimes a few times a night. I can deal with that, especially if he begins to be able to use it more regularly. One problem is that when he removes it during the night, he then begins snoring and/or exhaling loudly through his mouth. I then have to nudge him so I can get back to sleep.

It's a partnership and I want to be as helpful and supportive as possible. I love my hubby and want him around a long time. Are there any masks out there that may prove to be more comfortable, or any hints on adjusting more easily?

Thanks everyone!!

[Wulfman]

Welcome to the forum.

I gather from your post that you are not a CPAP user. (please correct me if I'm wrong)
There are lots of things to adjust to in this therapy when you're new to it......it can be quite a learning curve.
Mask type, headgear tension, pressure (too much or too little), exhale relief (or lack thereof), trying to sleep with something strapped to your head/face......it's all a matter of getting everything tweaked to be able to get good sleep without too many interruptions. Bed pillows can also make a big difference when it comes to preventing mask leaks.

Being monitored via the modem could be problematic for him to take control of his own therapy at this time.

It's a good idea for both of you to become VERY familiar with the exact equipment he has (brand/model, etc.) and also what else is available out there (in case he wants to change masks, for example.)

Spousal support if extremely important in the success of this therapy. Tell him to hang in there.


Den

[KatieW]

Most of us struggle in the beginning. And must be difficult for you to watch him struggle, especially when it disturbs your sleep.

I think we all need different levels of support. My husband is right there if I need help with, for example, a mechanical problem like setting up my hose hanger, or how to drain the water out of my hose after I washed it, but doesn't get involved in details like machine or mask selection or fine-tuning my settings, because I don't need him to.

If he says he needs time to get used to all this, then that's a positive thing, because he isn't ready to give up yet. For myself, giving up was not an option. I just passed my 2 month mark, and most nights are fine now, but last night was one of those "bad" nights where the mask felt bulky and uncomfortable on my face, I couldn't get it adjusted so it wouldn't leak, my pillow was too soft, my covers too hot, etc. But I know tonight will be better.

And you need time to get used to this too. Are there things you can do, to get a more restful sleep, like earplugs, or a pillow between you?

Will he be having a follow-up appointment with his sleep doc? Perhaps adjustments need to be made in pressure settings, type of machine, type of mask, etc.

[Lavendergrey]

Thanks for your responses. You are correct, Wulfman, I do not use a CPAP. Everything both of you said makes perfect sense...and I need to be more patient and allow my hubby to do what is best for his own comfort. He is still being advised by the sleep study clinic, there is a technician who brought the machine here who has been in touch with him, and told him there are more masks he can try if he needs to. Hopefully, she will be able to help him tweak things along the way more, and he will figure out the best comfort level.

Thanks again...I will definitely be back regularly...but for now, Merry Christmas to all!

[Gerryk]

Wait, are you just going to let him give up and quit? If you love him you won't let him quit. Get a mask or nasal interface that he can use and keep at it. Maybe he has the wrong size mask or had poor instructions and isn't putting it on or adjusting it correctly.

Start with one problem at a time, fix that one problem and move on to the next.

Sleep apnea can cause many health problems.

Also he is not alone. When I was first diagnosed I was thin for my build, I was only 175 pounds. I didn't think I snored much, but I did. I had to have my tonsils removed because they were bigger than golfballs.

He is not alone and neither are you. Both of you can work through this and make his cpap therapy successful.

Gerry

[Muse-Inc]

He might want to try the RespCare Hybrid mask, it covers the mouth, has nasal pillows that can be adjusted to 2 heights, does not cover the nose, and does not touch the forehead. Comes with 3 sizes of oral cushion and 3 sizes of pillows so it's pretty easy to get a comfortable fit.

[GumbyCT]

He is still being monitored via modem at this point. He tells me he still needs time to adjust and get used to it, so I decided to not say anything more about returning the machine or the fact that he is not doing any better with it after 4 weeks, and is, in fact, using it less. I realize it takes time...but shouldn't he be getting more used to it, and not less??

The whole idea of the modem is that the doc and DME RT were going monitor to see if the patient is having any troubles.

I can see where this is more of an obstacle than a help. Esp. when those who claim they are going to monitor just don't. Then it prevents the patient from seeing any data. I would tell the doc you want access to this data or a new machine, period. If the doc doesn't agree it is a signal to get another doc and another machine, so you (he) can check his data at home.

My guess is he is having leaks? Many newbies swear they don't have any leaks and even sleep right thru some very large leaks. When they get the software and card reader and can see the data they can tell what their problems are.

HTH and Good Luck

[jmelby]

I wonder if you could get him to articulate what it is about it that he is having trouble with... mask comfort, exhalation trouble, not getting enough air, etc. There are solutions to all of these issues--this forum is a wealth of information about this. If you find out more specifics and post them, there will be many people here who can offer suggestions.

[BlackSpinner]

I would strongly suggest you give him lots of positive feed back when he uses it correctly and give him the silent treatment when he doesn't. Nagging ( and everything will be heard as nagging) doesn't help. Asking how you can both make it work is a good step.

Have him try the hybrid mask but it will need your help to get all the blood straps positioned and at the right length - in fact that could be a fun project to do together! ( wear a skimpy night gown while doing it)

Do encourage him to keep with it - your reward will be his increased energy, happy outlook and increased libido with staying power - probably half those guys buying Viagra would stop if they got a cpap. Of course you won't have the opportunity for that widows cruise with his insurance money if you do that.

[jmelby]

I would strongly suggest you give him lots of positive feed back when he uses it correctly and give him the silent treatment when he doesn't. Nagging ( and everything will be heard as nagging) doesn't help. Asking how you can both make it work is a good step.

Positive feedback when he uses it--YES! Silent treatment when he doesn't?? I don't think so... how about encouragement to try again and discuss what difficulties he is having?

Remind me never to ask for relationship advice on this forum.

[BlackSpinner]

Silent treatment when he doesn't?? I don't think so... how about encouragement to try again and discuss what difficulties he is having?

Remind me never to ask for relationship advice on this forum.

That is called nagging by anyone at the receiving end, no matter how you phrase it. Did you bother reading the whole sentence? It finishes with "Asking how you can both make it work is a good step." There is absolutely no reason to address the failure issue as it will only get the persons back up, wait until they want to discuss it.

[jmelby]

My mistake... "silent treatment" means to me a relationship game used by immature partners to punish someone by not speaking to them at all. It sounds like that is not what you meant.

[Dog Tired]

I too have been struggling - it's been a real roller coaster ride.

There have been some (many) days when I have been inclined to just give the whole thing away as being just too hard.

However, healthwise, it is just not an option for me.

I need to persist and find the optimum way to administer the treatment to give me a more consistent "feelgood".

I really hate the odd day of feeling great and the other days of feeling absolutely exhausted and worn out, struggling just to get thru each day. Also, not having the energy to spend time and play with my kids is demoralising.

I am worried that if I don't find a solution fast, the kids will have grown up without a "proper" father.

So whilst I feel like giving up sometimes, I know that I just never could.

Bottom line: stick with it, in the hope of better times ahead.

[Muse-Inc]

...find the optimum way to administer the treatment to give me a more consistent "feelgood"...

Start a thread and ask for help with things that are issues. With so many members, someone might have experienced what you are struggling with...you might get some helpful suggestions.

[Dog Tired]

...find the optimum way to administer the treatment to give me a more consistent "feelgood"...

Start a thread and ask for help with things that are issues. With so many members, someone might have experienced what you are struggling with...you might get some helpful suggestions.

Thanks - gotta love this community