Sex and the CPAPer - Newbies, please ignore!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 10:11 am

Well babies/toddlers are a whole 'nother issue.... My understanding is you can just kiss that part of your life goodbye until they're in school.

I dunno. John & Kate Plus 8 seem to know how to get frisky with 6 toddlers running around...

Maybe the trick is to blindfold the little guy and do it quietly in front of him? Just kidding....

GOOD LUCK!!!!!!
Babs

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 10:13 am

Oh, and here's another idea.... I bought a book on how to have great sex. I know, you all think I would know this, but clearly I DON'T...

One of the things this author points out is the FALLACY of "spontaneity". She says this is one of the biggest mistakes we play on ourselves.

You wouldn't expect a "spontaneous" vacation to be worry and trouble free, would you? No, you plan for months ahead of time, and pack, and plan some more to make sure everything's in place, so when you get there, you can relax and have fun.

She says we need to think about sex the same way. We need to schedule and plan it, and think it through so that when we GET THERE, we can relax and have FUN.

Very profound thought, really.

Hope it helps someone else. If I can remember, I'll post the author's name and book title. I got it for $2.99 in the bargain bin at Borders. So, take it for what it's worth - $3 worth of advice.

Cheers,
B.

Beulah · Post by **Beulah** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 10:43 am

Oh, Peggy, we are soooooooooo on the same page. I've been a "hosehead" since February, and things are only getting worse.

At first, my husband's line/opinion was that he would rather have a wife with a mask than a dead wife. I appreciated that a lot and *things* were pretty much the same. I think we're pretty much tired of the whole thing now though. He goes to bed before I do, and sometimes I swear he makes a sleepy kind of groan when he sees me putting my mask on. Makes me feel so pretty - NOT!

My husband is a city boy living in the boondocks. For years, whenever anyone asks him if he hunts (about 40 times a season), he has said, "Why would I get out of a nice warm bed with a beautiful woman in it to go trek through the woods?" I can't imagine him saying that anymore. Now, he can say, "Well, despite the fact that there's a middle-aged woman with a vacuum cleaner attached to her face in my bed, I still don't hunt." Sigh.

We've been together 25 years. I know that everything is cylical. I KNOW that there are ways around our hosehead status. I KNOW that we should be grateful that we are given this opportunity to be healthier and live longer. I KNOW that our love should/will supersede mere hardware. HOWEVER - HOWEVER - HOWEVER - It's freakin miserable! While I hook up every night, there's no chance in hell I'm ever going to prefer having my face attached to a blower, straps across my face, and my hair alternately squashed and poofed, to just me, freshly washed and moisturized, in a Downy-smelling nightgown - just me. I really miss just me. And I'm thinking my husband is too.

We all know that men are very visual creatures. They are very, very effected by what they see (hence explaining the prevalence of dirty movies, breast augmentation, etc.) This is NOT a criticism of men at all. I love men, and in particular one man, and honestly (but not proudly) that quality of theirs has always worked to my advantage. It discourages me no end that when my husband wakes up at night and looks over, it's not my face he'll see, but machine parts. Aggggh.

Of course I know I'm the great love of his life and he loves me mask or not. Love isn't the point.

So, I've offered you no solutions at all, nothing to make you feel any better, just commiseration. I guess this is one of those things that make our carefree youth seem so wonderful in retrospect. The list of things I never thought would happen to me and has is getting longer and longer!

Paula

DreamStalker · Post by **DreamStalker** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 10:58 am

Beulah wrote:Oh, Peggy, we are soooooooooo on the same page. I've been a "hosehead" since February, and things are only getting worse.

At first, my husband's line/opinion was that he would rather have a wife with a mask than a dead wife. I appreciated that a lot and *things* were pretty much the same. I think we're pretty much tired of the whole thing now though. He goes to bed before I do, and sometimes I swear he makes a sleepy kind of groan when he sees me putting my mask on. Makes me feel so pretty - NOT!

My husband is a city boy living in the boondocks. For years, whenever anyone asks him if he hunts (about 40 times a season), he has said, "Why would I get out of a nice warm bed with a beautiful woman in it to go trek through the woods?" I can't imagine him saying that anymore. Now, he can say, "Well, despite the fact that there's a middle-aged woman with a vacuum cleaner attached to her face in my bed, I still don't hunt." Sigh.

We've been together 25 years. I know that everything is cylical. I KNOW that there are ways around our hosehead status. I KNOW that we should be grateful that we are given this opportunity to be healthier and live longer. I KNOW that our love should/will supersede mere hardware. HOWEVER - HOWEVER - HOWEVER - It's freakin miserable! While I hook up every night, there's no chance in hell I'm ever going to prefer having my face attached to a blower, straps across my face, and my hair alternately squashed and poofed, to just me, freshly washed and moisturized, in a Downy-smelling nightgown - just me. I really miss just me. And I'm thinking my husband is too.

We all know that men are very visual creatures. They are very, very effected by what they see (hence explaining the prevalence of dirty movies, breast augmentation, etc.) This is NOT a criticism of men at all. I love men, and in particular one man, and honestly (but not proudly) that quality of theirs has always worked to my advantage. It discourages me no end that when my husband wakes up at night and looks over, it's not my face he'll see, but machine parts. Aggggh.

Of course I know I'm the great love of his life and he loves me mask or not. Love isn't the point.

So, I've offered you no solutions at all, nothing to make you feel any better, just commiseration. I guess this is one of those things that make our carefree youth seem so wonderful in retrospect. The list of things I never thought would happen to me and has is getting longer and longer!

Paula

Sorry but you women really don't understand men do you?

"Well, despite the fact that there's a middle-aged woman with a vacuum cleaner attached to her face in my bed, I still don't hunt."

Is that really what he says or is that what you visualize him saying ... it's all in your head.

Remeber what Ted Nugent says ... women have it and men just gotta gotta have it!

Beulah · Post by **Beulah** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 11:07 am

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CPAPopedia Keywords Contained In This Post (Click For Definition): CPAP[/quote]

Did you not read the part about the toddler? Aside from his nap times, during which it seems like we spend 1/2 the nap time recovering from his running around and picking stuff up, there is very little in the way of other time.

_________________

CPAPopedia Keywords Contained In This Post (Click For Definition): CPAP[/quote]

Lock yourselves in the bathroom for five minutes while the baby is in the crib or playpen. Just five minutes. Really. It's not as soul-satisfying as an hour horizontal, but it's very good for you.

Beulah · Post by **Beulah** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 11:12 am

DreamStalker wrote:
Beulah wrote: "Well, despite the fact that there's a middle-aged woman with a vacuum cleaner attached to her face in my bed, I still don't hunt."

Is that really what he says or is that what you visualize him saying ... it's all in your head.

Remeber what Ted Nugent says ... women have it and men just gotta gotta have it!

Oh, no, he's far too nice - and smart - to say that. I am just totally projecting. But I always assume my projections are correct.

And I admit I'm not up on my Ted Nugent. Didn't he also sing about getting some disease from a cat?

DreamStalker · Post by **DreamStalker** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 11:28 am

Beulah wrote:
DreamStalker wrote:
Beulah wrote: "Well, despite the fact that there's a middle-aged woman with a vacuum cleaner attached to her face in my bed, I still don't hunt."

Is that really what he says or is that what you visualize him saying ... it's all in your head.

Remeber what Ted Nugent says ... women have it and men just gotta gotta have it!
Oh, no, he's far too nice - and smart - to say that. I am just totally projecting. But I always assume my projections are correct.

And I admit I'm not up on my Ted Nugent. Didn't he also sing about getting some disease from a cat?

Uhh, I think the song's intended interpretation was not a disease from a cat but instead a disease for a special kind of cat

Sid · Post by **Sid** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 12:18 pm

I've tried telling my wife to imagine that i am a handsome scuba diver(full face mask), but that didn't work. I've added scented oil to help me fall asleep or at least entice her, didn't work on either item. But she has said that the face farting and slight hissing sounds are sexier than the chainsaw snoring!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 12:49 pm

Have you tried locking her in the bathroom yet?

Appears to work for Beulah...

Me, I find that a snuggle on the couch in the evening will leave me feeling frisky. Try enticing her before bed.

Good luck!
Babs

mikesteg · Post by **mikesteg** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 12:49 pm

My wife already had the CPAP when we met so we've never had a non-CPAP sitation. We were also 37 when we got together, so we never had the 'young hot body' thing going on. (I never did, though she looks pretty hot to me in her high school photos. )

Initially said she wouldn't wear the mask in bed with me. Of course that was never really an option, but it still took some pleading and cajoling on my part to get her to agree to wear it. She still won't let me do the deed when she has the mask on... but I'm working on it.

for my 2 cents: The machine is on my nightstand and provides some nice white noise which helps me to sleep. The mask (Breeze) keeps her hair out of my face when I'm spooning her. Big win! The vent airstream bothers me once in awhile, but typically only when it's blowing right over/into my ear. Minor repositioning fixes that easily. In summer the cool breeze on my neck is nice. Even setting aside the health benefits, it's sort of a net positive for me. I don't like being woken up by getting hit in the face with the hose, but it's better than getting woken up by an elbow in the face. The CPAP nor the elbow are going anywhere soon...

So I guess I'm not going to be much help either. The CPAP is a trivial issue to me as long as she does wear it, and I think I communicate that adequately to my wife. Beyond that, as far as I can tell, if the mask interferes with intercourse you are wearing it wrong. Sorry, couldn't help it...

mikesteg · Post by **mikesteg** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 12:51 pm

Edit: not that she doesn't look hot to me now too!

Insomniyak · Post by **Insomniyak** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 1:02 pm

I was expecting the same things to happen I read here, and got an egg or a mask on my face instead. Not really an issue for us. The mask comes off within 10 seconds. My partner says I'm the same person whether I am wearing the mask or not. I would hope I am not as much of a bitchy person now that I can sleep.

Wulfman · Post by **Wulfman** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 1:57 pm

Been trying to find the right words to respond to this thread.......

I'm getting the impression that nobody does BOTH "therapies" at the same time. That's a shame.

If you have not engaged in the "physical therapy" while you're using your "respiratory therapy", I think you're really missing out on something.

I've never tried Viagra or Cialis, but I can't imagine them being any better.
(and I think my wife is becoming addicted to this combined therapy)

Den

crossfit · Post by **crossfit** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 2:06 pm

Well now, isn't this the hot topic. I hit reply four times and it said, error - too many connections.

Anyway, for me this says it all

It discourages me no end that when my husband wakes up at night and looks over, it's not my face he'll see, but machine parts.

It isn't about what he sees, its about how I feel. Last night was my first night. With the head gear on, I am way to aware of my head to be aware of any growing desire in other regions. Maybe that will change. We will see. I have a mask I can easily rip off. Lets hope I can use it permanently. Maybe the look of me ripping off my mask in desire for him will become like the sound of velcro to me. He wore a pair of velcro pants in our early marriage and the sound of them coming open became a serious arousing sound! lol Skinner would call that classic conditioning. I didn't drool though.

But really, sex throughout marriage is a balance act. You have to balance kids, work, general tiredness, and more. My hubby goes to bed before me because he works and gets up earlier. Our sex lives have gotten to a point where we have to find a way to do it earlier in the evening or it won't happen. That is now butting up against my sons bedtime as he gets older and I can't justify him going to bed at an early time.

I think the mask only adds another layer to this normal thing we all go through at times in our marriages. Desire is just not there sometimes on either partners part. Other times it is one sided and then, there are those lovely times when we are both going full on for days. But this is normal.

I do also sense an undercurrent in the original post about feeling a need to vent about the negatives about using CPAP without being told all the positives. It really helps us all to focus on the positives. Compliance is a huge issue with this treatment. But sometimes it simply sucks and knowing there are others out there who can hear that and understand it is helpful. It helps us to not feel alone.

Okay thats enough. I am a newbie so wasn't supposed to read this but you know if it says "don't read" its the first thing everyone wants to read. Then add in "sex" and its the hottest thread on the boards.

-SWS · Post by **-SWS** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 2:47 pm

A very real and relevant challenge to CPAP therapy. Therefore a very appropriate line of discussion IMHO.

Wonder if Bret would consider adding pheromones to at least one or two specialized PurSleep fragrances. Don't know if that would entail extra FDA hoops to jump through or if it's technically unfeasible for yet other reasons.

Don't even know how much or how little fragrances with pheromones might help for that matter.

Mask

Sex and the CPAPer - Newbies, please ignore!

Sid